i have painted my nails red. it reminds me of a bitch. bt hell who cares? another 5/4 days to the end of the year. im turning 23 next yr. wth. i feel old. i was just talking to 16 yr olds dis afternoon and gosh, i really wonder was i this naive back then? that everything in life is this smooth. haha... the world is gonna swallow them with a gargantous swallow.. before u noe it, ure sinking. hah. and what was very complimenting is that they can think im 18 or 19. wow, i feel honored. do i really look that young i wonder?

perhaps i painted my nails to remind myself that i dont need these feelings now. the last i need is a major attraction to anybody. unfortunately the heart is attracted. crap. i thought i was immune to this. honestly i feel like a secondary sch kid. pining to see her crush. happy when i see him. glad when he stops by and talks. n when he calls me siv, i feel like there is somethng clandestine goin on. the smiles, the winks. haha... holy god. n i tt im 22, all matured... gosh, this is how it was when i was a teenager! haha... so buzz off feelings... i dont need to get hurt again. i dont need to feel confused again. so perhaps its gd he didnt add me on msn. dont need to fall deeper.

i feel that i have grown up too fast. this past 1 yr, i feel that i have matured tons that it scares me. its too fast. i know the main reason i might have matured will be due to the decision to remain separated but yet i wonder if such an adverse decision was not made in the 1st place, would i have matured?


i see myself in the mirror and dont see whom i used to see in poly or secondary school. what happened to that kid? i know its a phase of no turning back. bt i wish i could go back to it just for a day. just a day to sit dn n lepak at a canteen with nothing more in mind than the up-coming tutorial or a test, a day where i feel such love for a guy, emotions i didnt noe existed within me, a day where i was jz crazy n loud n tomboyish n enjoyed my heavy metal.

my taste has evolved so much that metal no longer appeals to me. i still do like my blink 182 n all.. bt current bands n songs jz sound like tons of noise. current hip hop songs sounds trash. im listening to tons of 90s n early 2000s songs n tons of memories flood past. all i can do is smile, chuckle at certain songs n jz wonder when did i grow up? how come it happened without me knowing abt it.

i have grown to be more fussier and more stubborn. more confident that singlehood is the path i want. once upon a time, though the mouth said i dont wanna get married, deep dn, like evry other girl, i had my own fairytales... all planned out. as i grow older, i have learnt to be more realistic. now how i wish i was still that imaginative. that will help me save my arse tons. oh well, now i shall return back to this realistic life i have carved out for myself.

ola... its december... heh. well my brother went to vietnam with my atm card n my billabong belt. i blew my top in the morning. like hello, i wanna go out! how can i go out with no money? i dont wanna ask my parents for money coz def they will question why am i spending so much? i hate being questioned.

i am very fussy coz i only use 1 thing till it dies. coz its hard for me to like anything n get it. so yeah. likewise for the w980i fone, thought i saw that the thng looks like it can snap. my heart still wants it. see? so hard for me to get over things... i have looked at tons of se fones. none i like! nth new. haiz.


i wanna get specs, lenses, the fone, a new watch n do something to my hair. im sian of it. nt tt i dont have the money. i can spend it bt to not feel the pinch, i have to space it out and prioritize. i need the specs or lenses coz im out of lenses and my specs degree is lower than mine and i think the specs is more essential coz coz, i thnk my eyes are dying on me. its gets dry damn fast. thnkin of wearing specs for a mth before i go back to lenses. fone n watch aint so impt. both of my current 1 aint dying... yt... n the hair.. well nth will happen if it aint done immediately... oh well i shall end this post.......... NOW

it took a jab to decrease the pain. i still dont feel that perfect. the back feels damn strained. very tight. there are times where pain does shoot up. newae my cousin thivaa is over. seein her n my sis, i feel so old. god, where did all those days run by? where i had no worries... laughed my head off, food on the table. played arnd. ran arnd. now tons of thngs to worry abt. ways, fly trip to kl i heard. big gang headin up. hopefully we get the hotel. brother is goin to vietnam nxt wk. god, my brother is gonna become a man. dec is coming. end of yr is coming. another yr older. hell, this yr jz flew by. bt i enjoyed it. hopefully evry yr is like this...

the back's being a bitch. its jz so fucked up. n be geared for a post chokeful of vulgarities. the pain is killing me... rubbing on painkiller to it doesnt help. n unfortunately im nt some1 who reaches for the pills. an irony. oh well. its my major irritation when ppl arnd me start askin me why i dont have a bf at this age. like hello, im nt the least worried. i shld be. my clock is ticking. im gettin older. my fertile ages are goin past me faster than a bullet train. bt honestly i dont give a damn. loneliness gives me a happiness. it suits the self centered me. coz i dont have ne1's other than my feelings to consider. i suck at tt. dunno where n when to draw the line.

other than tt, sch has started. calculus always sucks bt the lecturer is gd this time arnd. fly trip in dec. whee! cant wait. need moolah. like badly. haiz.

its been ages since i posted nethng here. okie, wt has happened?

1. i have tendered my resignation @ GE.
2. Got my contract extended @ MOM
3. am now finding for a full time job
4. Had fun @ fairypoint chalet 6. Its monstrous. but terribly haunted. It has an attached beach to it. didn get the chance to head to the water coz from far, it seems extensively polluted.
5. i didnt get chosen by sia due to the scars on my leg. its okie. i liked the idea of walkin in the kebaya though. heh. shld have taken a foto. oh man. bt its okie.
6. had my fav uncle over for diwali.
7. plannin on a kl trip
8. my brother has to report for bmt on 9th jan 09, a mth before his 20th bday.
9. my sis's done wid psle n is waiting for her results
10. sch's re-openin on 17th nov
11. n the dreaded upgrading of the hse is here. n its a case of u dont miss the water till the well runs dry! coz sincerely i miss havin hot water, 2 taps wid running water. too blessed to be in sg man.
12. been havin weirdos callin n smsin me. all insane.

end of oct is here. my uncle is dn for deepavali. im plannin on leavin ge.... hmm... tml, maybe might bring my uncle n head to some place...mom has asked me to extend the contract there till march nxt yr... my brother has to report to tekong on 9th jan... 2009 is comin.... 1.7 yrs to go... alryt..... the last stretch will be startin soon... cant wait... all i need is a full time job...

im uber allergic to dust and it doesnt help that they are upgrading the neighborhood.... haiz... i have problems breathing now... my lungs are extra irritated thus over producing mucus which congests my airway and thus i have to take a puff evry day or else i start wheezing... haiz... life is goin on greatly... mid october is here... 2 more mths for 2008... a few more wks before its back to sch... cant wait.. for the last push... june 2010... cant wait... now im thnkin shld i do my honors.. a cert is nth without honors i noe... if only mine was like the mdis 1... oh well... no regrets... im proud to be a student of uwa... one of the top 8 uni in aussie...

deepavali is comin... yt to bake... gt my baju kebaya... thank god for tt... they wanna set an appt for the makeover show on vasantham and and i crazily sent in my resume to sia... see no harm in goin for the interview if i get shortlisted... haha... n i wanna send in my resume for the radio jockey on safra... oh well.. tts all for this post.. adios.

on sat, i had the worst cramps in my life. i never have cramps and on sat, the pain was crippling. i wanted to cry so badly. i gt this song i have been searchin for today... n today i wonder how siva is doin... i dunno why tt thought popped into my head... maybe its tt song... maybe its coz im pmsing. heh. weird weird. gt myself a kebaya... its red. heh... my paternal uncle is coming... mid october is coming... thngs are happenin... thngs are changin... im hangin out wid tamil ppl n its all so new to me.... i have been nicked minah... n argued wid tt person till he stopped... i cant wait for mid 2010... to add the b.sc(pharm sci) to my name... to be conferred wid tt degree.....

im in that im feeling something missing in my life sort of a mood. its like a part of me is not there. i feel dead! the energy and enthusiasm that i have gone. for a 22 yr old, i noe i have achieved something. i have got my diploma, getting myself a degree which im nearly half way thru. done wif most yr 2 modules. I have worked in rcms, moe and now mom and ge. I have got various experiences from various places. I noe what i want to do when i have a degree in my hand. I noe that i will definitely be in drug marketing or sales or something pharmaceutical. i have planned out my future in my career aspect.

Its mega irritatin the other day when outta randomness, my mom shot me this question, when are u gettin urself a bf? This is not a qs i have not heard before but evrytime i am irritated coz tt q stumps me. I just do not know what to answer. I just dont have the interest nor do i have any plans about tt anytime. all i noe when its the time for me, i might meet the 1... its kinda hard explaining it to my parents coz they find it weird. they are like colleagues kids whom are younger than you are dating, your own brother is n u arent... all i can say i have other priorities. my studies and career occupies my time. i dont have time for love or for a guy. newae went thru the drama n i thnk i so dont need it.

i jz realize that this post is nt linked at all... the paragraphs are completely nt linked. it doesnt flow. im nt in the crafting stories mood. jz wanna write dn the thoughts runnin thru my head. tts all.

its sad, so sad... its a sad, sad situation and its growing more and more absurd. its sad, so sad, why cant we talk it over? sorry seems to be the hardest word...


hehe... i so realized it... i liked blue.. they were good... i miss all this gd songs... now there is so much trash out there. trash trash... *shakes head*


okie random post wid a random need. tts all for this post. au revoir.

its my mum's bday. she turns 46. in 2012, my mum turns 50, i will be 26, my sis sweet 16. omg. n n, 40k for social escorts for 6 hrs durin the f1 thng... n i fit in the criteria okie.... gd fly backgrnd wid uni education... k, i have yet to get it bt im goin thru it bt 40k for 6 hrs. crap, tts like 3 yrs of workin my arse off... wtf

tchers are bein encouraged to do their degree... interestin... pri sch tchers who require a diploma now needs a degree.. n wt else other than the f1? the world is goin topsy turvy.... msia has its political unrest. japan has a new premier. china has its melamine case. india has its trade minister apologizin for the death of a mgr.obama jz said washington is gonna be bust and not wall st alone. n talks of pumpin 700 mil into the economy.sadness... storms there n here. such unrest in the world. oh well tts all for this meaningless post

all im askin for is peace... PEACE... will i ever come home to a place where there is no screamin.. about money and petty stuffs... money isnt evrythng. when ure married, there is no ure money, my money. its our money. in the end, u still get sumthng wt. wts wrng with u? haiz. when will u uds it? why issit tt a 22 yr old can uds it bt a 46 yr old cant? money isnt evrythng wt. afterall, u aint spending for a 3rd party. its for ur kids. its for ur family. haiz. its upsetting.

i guess now i noe why i dont wanna ever get married. i rather be lonely than be upset. haiz. i dunno when this neverending war ever ends. till 1 of em dies or moves out. argh...

*in search of peace n happiness*

i just wish that this was all a dream. that the next day i will wake up and it will all be alright.


nothing sucks more than being stuck in between. nothing sucks more when i know that a nightmare is starting to unfold itself right in front of my eyes and i cant stop it. nothing hurts more than knowing i cant shield my 2 siblings. nothing sucks more than the fear of your future being pulled away from you and thrown to the winds.


god, i beseech you to give me the strength n money. and please dont take away my only love. seriously, if i had to lose what i have now to something like money, please just kill me. i rather die than not being able to do what i love. and the other thing i ask, my siblings to be unaffected. i will not allow them to be affected. their life shld go on like normal. i want it to.


why must i be born as the eldest? why must i be always the worrier? it sucks havin to worry. its days like these i wish i can have a hug and a shoulder. nothing calms u better than tt 2....

woah... loong.... well grandma's 70th bday is over... lotsa thng has happened. 3 more mths to dec....honestly cant wait for the yr to end. cant wait for 2010. n i cant wait for the future to unfold. its unfolding. im growin older and gonna have my 3rd nephew or niece... i hope its niece... oh well... outta here. au revoir.

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you

some1 shld tell guys not to be nice all the time.it shld be considered an offence. hell, are u normal?nice to every1 and everybody. god, gimme a break. its kinda passe goin thru all these emotions again.

newae august is ending soon. azmi's bday is comin. n sept is startin. and the big bash is coming. 3 more mths before my december. heh.

i havent updated for ages. well basically.... im still the same... work, sch... turnin 22 in 4 days time... god, i cant wait! i thnk im amongst the few after 21 who wanna grow older. well i wanna see how i am when im 30... am i successful and well to do? or as irresponsible n childish as i am now? so i cant wait to grow older. other than tt, im learnin how to speak tamil again. heh. tts all..

this is for boon howe. Sorry mate, couldnt get the fonts that will work...

and apologies in order if i mis-spell. i literally suck in spelling

திருமண வாழ்த்துகள்! நீங்கள் இருவரும் என்றென்றும் சந்தோஷமுடன் இருக்க batch 981-ன் வாழ்த்துகள்!

tml starts the 3 mths stuff. further extension to another 3 mths. workin the counter. i made barley water today! yeay for me! it was a tad too sweet for my palate though. i need to cool my body dn. n i feel the time of the mth comin arnd the corner. tiredness... holy god.. its like i fnt slept for wks. oh well.. tts all... au revoir

if u ever do read the new paper, take a look at the advertisement columns. i mean the part before the sports news. n if u do realize the part that advertises for massage parlours, ever wonder why the term pretty is needed? ur a masseuse, not a prostitute. all we wanna noe is do u guys do all sort of massage, for how long. we dont need to know that u guys are pretty and skilled coz in this context, it just doesnt seem to link n definitely means wrong. honestly these massage parlours do spoilt it for the rest who wanna run a self respected business.


nothing is shady about being masseuse. its a skill. juz coz 1 or 2 link it with sex n prositution, it ruins it for others. silly folks. i hate the fact that some people do this. with a narrow minded society, can u imagine all those places which dont have any ulterior motive other than providing a good massage for people who needs it being wrongly judged and having customers wrongly acting against the masseuse. arseholes. not everything is about sex and money. i wonder when people are gonna learn this. money doesnt solve evrythng.

if it does, then why the hell are there natural disasters n wars? throw the money at it. make it stop. unprotected sex just increases the world's population and with the increasing needs and inflation, is it worth bringing another life where u cant give it the best or killing another life just coz of ure self centeredness? humans are born to be selfish. i dont say we arent. but think before u plant coz u reap what u sow...

as some ppl noe, i love the performing arts. i love musicals, plays,dances n theaterworks. aint tt fond of choirs or bands but give me a gd reason to watch n perhaps i might head dn. likewise when i watch movies, i tend to watch it like its a performing art. there are several actors whose movies i enjoy watching for the pure sake of watching art on screen. a few of em include adam sandler, heath ledger, morgan freeman,jack black, johnny depp etc.

now im one of the person who was kinda surprised when they said heath ledger passed away though i wasnt shocked or nethng. bt watching the dark knight makes me conclude this: hollywood has lost one of its best actors. its a loss to the world. i have watched several of his roles n found him splendidly excellent. he appealed to my artsy side. yesterday's dark knight proved to me that he is unbeatable. n trust me, i aint easily swayed over by looks. i noe gd acting when i see it.


it was pure psychotic. pure scary watchin him on screen. u dont see sanity in him. the way the eyes were, the body language. now that isnt easily seen in a normal actor bt a great actor. its a loss i say. n i dont find heath ledger hot or cute. i dont thnk i find ne actors hot other than johnny depp. *shrugs* oh well, off to bio.

seriously i have nothing to update. jobless. i can officially start selling insurances. hmm. bt still need another job. i need the money. fees is comin up. expenditures and needs are piling up. argh, money makes the world go arnd. n money fuels my needs. argh... 980 is out... the fossil watch... clothes! need to get the license. i thnk i need arnd 4k. hmm... 3 mths of workin. god, if ure readin this, I NEED A JOB!

hmm i have a strong feeling the desktop is gonna die or crash... suddenly the cpu is makin tons of noise. sounds very spooky. n sounds very crazy when there are 5 ppl who often have to 'fight' to use the net. that is gonna be very bad.. i hope its sumthng i can fix simply. with perhaps some guidance from raihan. if it crashes, im dead meat man. there goes the laptop. ah, n i miss talking with raihan n yati... argh... goin crazy.

i mean who can gave me free sex education? ( the theoretical aspects of course, not practical. we aint yuri!) n who taught me to appreciate stuffs like manga and anime and games? i miss nintendo ds too! im thnkin shld i get 1... i like some games on it. its the thng tt demonstrated i cant cook for nuts even in games and surprisingly my siblings have been lappin up the food i cooked. they say it aint so bad for a first time chef... hmm... OH, I AM NOT BEING DOMESTICATED! I AM JUST PLAIN BORED! u noe me, i get bored.. too easily... i need new thngs to excite me. n unfortunately, this is the new thng. i am half minded to become a gamer. bt hell i noe if i get hooked, there goes my grades n evrythng else. oh crap. the dilemma.

parents are in msia... like again.... home alone. n i was cookin. got a 4 day assignment for tml, mon-wed. thanks to eka. another temp job offer.. interview on thurs. i thnk i might get tt... he said its for 2 to 6 mths. i guess, its better oso.. near my place. near cdc. so easier. plannin on startin to clear my license. doubt my btt is still there. so gotta re-take it. plan to get it by end of this yr or beginnin nxt yr. well tt all... perhaps, if i have time, to squeeze in dance class.... oh yeah. heh.

Life is precious and there is joy to be experienced in life.
If people are open to seeing the good and joyous in all kinds of situations, it makes life worth living.

It's ok to kiss a fool, it's ok to let a fool kiss you, but never ever let a kiss fool you....

It is better to meet the person who will truly love you later, than meet someone now who promises to love you but sooner or later leave you forever.....

Fate determines who comes into our lives. The heart determines who stays...

Love is like a knife, it can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that will last a lifetime

Life is short,

Break the rules,

Forgive quickly,

Love truly,

Laugh uncontrollably,

And never regret anything that made you smile.

=)

somedays i wish i wasnt the eldest...



somedays i wish i had moved out after poly.....



somedays i wish the time will fly faster so that i can move out.....



somedays i wish i am not forced to involve or be the mediator....



somedays i wish i wasnt in this situation....



and today is the someday. can i juz run away? can i just have some1 whom will loan their shoulder so that i can cry? can i just have never ending happiness? why issit that evrytime i learn how to be happy n face the adversities, on comes along tougher stuffs... never ending rollercoaster man. will there come a day when its juz pure happiness? oh well.. till then, i shall bury this secret deep in me... coz there are somethings i cant reveal to ne1... maybe when tt special person comes into my life... maybe... crap... i so wanna cry...

Singapore falls short on rights: lawyers' group

AFP - Wednesday, July 9
SINGAPORE (AFP) - - Despite its impressive economic development, Singapore fails to meet international standards for political and human rights and there are concerns about the independence of its judiciary, an association of lawyers said.

The International Bar Association's Human Rights Institute identified a number of areas in which Singapore fell far short of international norms, said the association's executive director Mark Ellis.

"In particular, democratic debate and media comment are extremely restricted and government officials have initiated numerous successful defamation suits against both political and media critics," he said in a statement released late Tuesday in London.
The rights institute also issued 18 recommendations, which it said Singapore's government should implement urgently.

The group has published a 72-page report on the issue, several months after the IBA held its annual convention in Singapore. The association represents 30,000 lawyers globally.
"Singapore cannot continue to claim that civil and political rights must take a back seat to economic rights, as its economic development is now of the highest order," the report said, calling human rights universal and indivisible.

The IBA's rights institute "strongly encourages Singapore to engage with the international community in a more constructive manner, and to take steps to implement international standards of human rights throughout Singapore."

It called for Singapore to take its place as a regional leader on human rights, democracy and rule of law, as well as in business and economic development.

Singapore holds the rotating chair of the 10-member Association of Southeast Asian Nations, whose new charter calls for establishment of a regional human rights body.

The IBA report said the cases of opposition politicians J.B. Jeyaretnam and Chee Soon Juan illustrate concerns over the use of defamation laws to stifle political opposition and expression.
J.B. Jeyaretnam, 82, a lawyer, was disbarred when declared bankrupt in 2001 after failing to pay libel damages to members of the ruling People's Action Party (PAP), including a former prime minister.

Bankrupts are not allowed to run for political office, but last year he cleared his bankruptcy, and has since announced his involvement with a new political party.

Chee, secretary general of the Singapore Democratic Party, was declared bankrupt after failing to pay libel damages to Singapore's founding father Lee Kuan Yew and another former prime minister over remarks made in 2001.

Chee and his party are awaiting a judge's decision on damages against them in a separate defamation case, filed by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and his father, Lee Kuan Yew.
"It certainly appears that Dr Chee has been made a target by the Singapore government, and that their criticism of him has gone far beyond a reasonable standard," the IBA wrote.

It said the Singapore judiciary had a good international reputation when adjudicating commercial cases that did not involve the interests of PAP members or their associates.
"However, in cases involving PAP litigants or PAP interests, there are concerns about an actual or apparent lack of impartiality and/or independence," it said.

The report expressed concern about "limitations on free assembly" in the city-state, and said the Law Society was not fulfilling its mandate to speak out on law reform issues.
Law Society president Michael Hwang told AFP his group could not yet comment because it had only just received the IBA report.

Government spokesmen were also not immediately able to react.

At the IBA convention last October, Lee Kuan Yew responded to allegations that his country ranked low in matters of press freedom, saying Singaporeans were free to read whatever they wanted.

He also said Singapore was built on the rule of law and did not tolerate corruption. This meant defamation action may be taken against those who impute dishonesty to government officials, in order to clear any doubts, he said.

article from: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080709/tap-singapore-politics-rights-justice-ib-06f3cb7.html

i so wonder what im gonna read in the paper in the next few days... allowed to read whatever they want eh? well we read what they print, so if they arent allowed to print whatever they want, then are we really allowed to read whatever we want? hmm... 1 thng i will love to read is why our ministers' are 1 of the well paid in the world... now tt will be interesting. and why issit that singapore is the only (so far, from what i know)that has its ruling party holding defamation cases against other political parties?

i have decided not to talk to my mother unless necessary. things blew up last night. n honestly im mega pissed. honestly she is stupid. blonde jokes are made for her. tts how dumb she is. she is a person whom u cant tell nethng. n how apt is the quote an empty vessel makes the most noise. how apt it is for her....

1) i have decided not to head to australia. big decision i had to make there. but well sacrifices had to be made. and hey dreams doesnt all come true.

2) im jobless and my mother is once again being a bitch. ah crap. i dont uds what's her bloody problem. she is always prejudiced towards me.

3) i am badly in need of a job to occupy my time and cash. seriously it sucks not having a steady flow and it sucks not bein out buying things i want.

4) i am way past whining about my mother but hell its always a love-hate relationship which, as the years go by, doubt it will ever turn into a love-harmonious one. oh well seriously no loss, i have other ppl's love to make up for it.

ola... went to kl on sunday... v last min... this time with my mum's 2nd and last brother and eldest and younger sister n their spouses. dashan n sham, naviin and nevain n tt api fella. n of coz my grandma... it was nice riding up... 3 cars in all... oh well... back to studyin...

இன்று நான் தமிழில் எழுதுகிறேன். =)

well i wrote that in tamil just to see how it looks like. honestly i have not seen these alphabets albeit in my sis's hw for some time. gosh, how i hate writing in tamil. it took me 2 mins just to write out this sentence. oh well. i have 1.75 days of lecture left to hear and that stupid electure applet is pissing me off. argh. bt hey, at least i have em to refer to take dn the notes. there are several notes n tips. aint so bad. god has saved me. heh. oh well back to fiddlin with this stupid so nt user friendly applet. oh im catchin veronica mars re runs and i so badly need a job.

im sick today. sian. well spent 4 days in jb. n seriously tt place is a bad place to go. i didnt study at all! only lepak! perhaps since that hse used to be associated with wkends n sch hols, i guess i cant study. this time arnd, i went with my uncle, my aunt, 2 of my cousins, my grandma, mum, sis, another 'cousin' and another 'aunt'.


got my grandma to cook for me herbal chicken n gotta eat my fav snack made out of fish. asked for crab bt no fresh crab.. oh nvm... nxt time... i wanna eat crab n nasi lemak. oh n gotta eat my fav vege... wah shiok... n the mango tree my grandpa planted doesnt stink like those mangoes... i hate mango n the smell of it usually revolts me as i feel nausea. bt surprisingly this didnt smell n there was alot of fresh mangoes straight frm the tree to eat and this vege tt is also straight frm the tree. cool ar? gotta sleep on the flr bt somehow i felt really very happy being there...


went shoppin at the nearby tebrau city. yes, its a 3 mins drive for my place. and went to catch a tamil movie which i kinda was awed with. i saw a american biotech lab n i got excited... holy god, they gotta bioengineer viruses and do animal testing. overall, it was like reading a michael creighton or dean koontz bk... oh i love my grandma cookin btw... n i wanna go there more. heh.

results were out for bioinfo n chem 2221.. passed both of em bt no Distinctions. sad. oh nvm... today's paper... i dunno whether i will pass coz seriously studyin isnt satisfactory. well tml headin to jb again. back monday. goin onto last module before the long break. n 22nd june is nearing. time when i will be out of the job. need to find for another job before i scream in boredom. i hate being bored. oh tts all.

well since i was tagged by feez, i will gladly do it....


The Rules
- Post 10 random things about yourself
- Choose 5 people to tag and a reason you chose each person
- Leave them each a comment directing them to your blog so they know they are it
- You can’t tag the person who tagged you (you’ll have to make new friends)
- As a courtesy to the person who tagged you, please let them know when you have posted so they can have the sheer delight and extra work load of reading your answers)



1)
I dont have any hindu friends. Most of my friends are muslim. and i can count the number of indian friends i noe.



2)
I have tons of white hair too like feez just that mine is concentrated on the right side of my hair. some sort like rouge frm x-men. and its either coz of the fact that my brother emptied 1 whole bottle of christian dior's poison or that my maternal genes are strong in all the grandchildrens. I also have brown streaks in my hair coz of the bottle of christian dior.


3)
I hate indian food. I have no idea why. but i prefer chinese food anytime. and i hate mutton. i eat beef coz of my anemia problem though its against hinduism. i love fish n seafood over chicken.



4)
My mum know nuts about the indian culture and traditions and even the religion. Thus i know shit too. Whatever i pick up is through my cousins or my amara attai.


5)
My dad allows me to club so does my mum. bt i dont like the idea of bumping into weird guys thus i stay away. though i love dancing.



6)
I am VERY stubborn and am an egoist. I do things as i like. I dont heed my parents' advise though i tend to consider it. I am too used to an independent lifestyle where my parents dont really care much about me that i get irritated when people asks me questions like where i am and with whom over the phone or nethng. and i dont like the idea of anyone buying me things i like except for my dad.



7)
I have a huge family. My maternal side has 7 kids inclusive of my mum and 24 grandchildrens and 2 great grand childrens. My great grandmother or nenek as we call her is still alive and i have never spoke to her as she knows hokkien and i dont.I know nuts about my paternal side.
paternal side are all in a huge argument over money. I have only met 2 uncles and 4 cousins.



8)
I am very childish at home. I whine, stamp my feet, pout and sulk to get my way. My dad gives in to me usually. I go whining to my parents goin ma or pa, tell gaya or shankaran to stop.... yes! tts how spoilt i am. I was born 4 yrs after my parents gt married thus i was a very much wanted child and am always been given whatever i want. My dad always has a soft spot for me thus my mum getting jealous of me often.



9)
I have a split personality. At home, im a quiet child who spends all her time reading. outside, im this noisy and crazy girl who is talkative.



10)
Though how open minded i am, i still think i am a tad conservative. I dont like the idea of pre marital sex coz i think sex is something special reserved for some1 special and i dont like the idea of dressing where i show off alot of skin coz i contribute it to the cause of rapes. that is why i will never wear mini skirts or sleeveless too. N my parents chid me for tt coz they dont like the fact that their daughter dresses like a muslim girl.



well, i tag ne1 who wanna do it... oh n i wont be around for 2 days. headin to my hse in jb for resting. will be back wednesday. au revoir

I was walking alng with afandi and we got this magazine given to us... n there was this foto of this datuk vinod sumthng. n afandi was like' siva, get married to him'. 'he will solve all ur money problems'.


n i just told him nopez, i dont need money. i will only marry if there is love, connection or at least friendship involved. something only girls will think. guys will think of money or some1 they know is responsible enough or some shit like that. yeah all this romance stuffs might have influenced my decisions. i dunno. bt yeah at least im realistic. i noe its a fairytale story like enchanted. heh.

well this is our conversation. it isnt tt clear so yeah i told yati, its times like this i wish i had a bf. whom i call a foc entertainment. yes, im a bitch. bt yes, my friends are impt to me... if i have friends to hang out with daily, i wont need a guy... tts how i survived all these yrs... today was the 1st time i so didnt wanna go home n i cldnt get ne1 to hang out with. thank god there was afandi! i cldnt call seyed coz i thnk he was on night shift yest. i aint so sure abt mzan too. i wish i was out now instead of home.. im so bored!

so yeah we talked.. im glad he has moved on... n i thnk i surprised him by saying i dont have the interest for all of this... yeah i dont mind making friends but im nt interested in going through the all series of getting interested, finding its one sided, getting over or rushing into stuffs. im glad with wt i have. yes, sometimes i miss having some1 to talk to all the time bt hey tts life. u win some, u lose some.

seyed, so wts the outcome? nethng yt? n ne takers on satc?. oh i might be goin to batam in july. n sashan's 1st bday party. heh. i love being bitchy. *smirks* outz!

HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.


Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'.
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is

Don't stay because you think 'it will get better'.You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not.The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.Never let a man know everything.He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man.If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is a two way street.


You need time to heal between relationships...There is nothing cute about baggage...Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are,and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.


Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.


Dr Phil : Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful.You should know that:You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing.

If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts....

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

we are half way through the yr... ttsfast. its june. my 2nd nephew is turning 1! holy god. 2 more mths before i officially say im 22 yrs old. im an adult! heh. i so wanna get the tattoo... n i thnk i will jz go ahead n get it. screw it. poverty will do me some gd to bring me dn to earth. nt like im in jupiter. bt perhaps its gd training to learn how to live frugally coz i decided to splurge.... 20 more days before i bid adieu to tpjc. sleepy. i ate pancakes... =) i feel like being pampered. heh.

im glad that u consider me as a friend as nothing makes me happier than to know that even though its impossible between us, we can n will be friends.


thank you for always being there my special friend. thank you for everything. n basically thank you for making me feel wat love is once again. =)

its past midnight on the 30th of may n im still awake. the small nap i had on the mrt due to exhaustion and the mini conversation laced with laughter with hisyam makes me wanna sit up. some silly and immature prank caller made me call hisyam and we started talking and talking. haha. i realize its been ages since i laughed like this or spent the time on the fone talking about nethng except for work. oh well...tts all for the minute post. nytz

*screams*



its days like this that i hate. got a test later. n yet i dunno watta study. holy god. the prev test was the same. issit a case of i know this so i dont have to study thoroughly, just beat the cobwebs' off the memories?*beat* beat*


i mean i noe how to do it... tts the difference btw chem n bio i guess... for chem, i really gotta make sure i noe it... bio, i know it. coz they cant really ask much questions! sian. got exams to study for on the june 7th and 13th. n im getting lazy to study. heh. so im glad the long break is coming. i deserve it. im exhausted.


changes scream and beckons me.
another path, another phase.
wonder what im gonna meet.

success or failure,
is stepping stone to the future
time heals almost all wounds
i need to give time, time

my wounds are healed
yet the memories do flood back
sometimes its easy to push it away,
sometimes it aint

i wait for the day when it is replaced
with gd ones
till then i bid my time.

oh well...

my wkend was lovely. a dnd on friday, a movie n dinner date with anusha and goin over to my rajini akka aka anita's hse on sunday. tamil's ppl mouth is BAD, ATROCIOUS! oh well. wtever la. what happens in vegas is a love story. 27 dresses another love story. nth impressive. i dunno... typical fairytale like story. something tt happens in books n stories.. nt life. oh well... love is strange n weird.


n strangely i miss being in love... waking up smiling as u recount the conversations u had. missing the person jz coz u havent seen or spoken to them in a day.sweet innit? i can go awwww... i swear. heh.this is the gd noes how manyth time i said i miss being in love. bt its the truth. all i need is the perfect guy to complete my perfect life. it is perfect i feel. even now. the guy is the bonus. heh. n i aint desperate. i can wait all i want for the correct 1... no rush. oh well tt ends this insanely insane entry.

The guide to make relationships last

ANNIVERSARIES
Always celebrate! Whether it’s the 1st or the 50th, each year together is a triumph.

APPRECIATION
Let each other know how much you appreciate each other. You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better.

BEST FRIENDS

Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend.
Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one.
Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems.
Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged.
The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.

BOND
Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone with each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.

CHANGING EACH OTHER
Don’t marry an as…le, j…. or a bi…. (an unsuitable person) You’ll never change each other.

COMPLIMENTS
Always compliment each other.
This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.

DATE
Keep doings things that you both enjoy, do them together.
Make time & continue to date to keep the romance - look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction.

DIFFERENCES
Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each other’s throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.

FIGHTS
Fight with the aim to resolve the issue. Don’t outdo each other.
The longer you extend the fight. The more chances that you’ll say something hurtful that you don’t really mean. As mad as you were with your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you’re hot.
Hear each other out, don’t dig up old issues. Choose your battles.
Make sure the fight will be worth it & that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.

FLAWS
Know that the perfect person does not exist.
Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy. We are only human with our own flaws.

FUN
Have fun together! This means keeping the fun & spontaneity that was there in the early days. Allow yourselves to get silly - shower together, pee with the door open etc.
Being able to make each other laugh & see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle & opposing viewpoints.

GOALS
Make sure you have similar goals.
It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.

GRUDGES
Quit tabulating grudges. Let it off. Discuss it, then trash it, don’t recycle it.

KEEPING IT HOT
Keep it hot by travelling to diff. places together.
A new setting will do wonders. Always have skin contact - be it holding hands, a massage or just plain leg rubbing.

HONESTY
Don’t lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.

KNOW EACH OTHER
Learn each other’s interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!

HUG
A hug can be far better more intimate than a kiss.

IDENTITY
Don’t lose your personality - that’s why he/she fell in love with you.
Have separate interest & activities to keep your individual, & to be able to contribute more to the relationship.

INDEPENDENCE
Having your own income means you’re the boss in your life.

IN-LAWS
Make rooms for the in-laws.

INTENTIONS
Wish each other well. Don’t wish each other worst.

ISSUES
Speak up about the awkward stuff now,like money & sex. The earlier, the better.

LISTEN
Listen, listen, listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.

LOOK GOOD
Mind your appearance! Stay fit & healthy for each other.

LOVE
It all boils down to your love, chemistry & respect for each other.

MEMORIES
Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before.
It may even be corny but it made you two together.
Experience new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring to new places. It’s the little surprises that make great memories.

MIND READING
No matter how long you’ve been together, do not think that you can read each other’s mind.

NEEDS
Be good to yourself,then be good to your partner. That’s what love is all about. Think about your partner. Will it make him/her happy? Will she/he enjoy it? Consider each other’s feelings.
Be very attentive & sensitive to each other’s needs, physically & emotionally, that way your partner learns to do the same for you.
Never take your partner for granted.

PRIORITIES
If one says it’s important, then it is! Prioritize each other among other things!

SPACE
Give each other space. Have dates with your girlfriends, have your boy’s night out.
If you can’t trust each other with this, then don’t get married.

SORRY
Say sorry when you’re wrong.

SURPRISES
No matter how long you’ve known each other, be open to surprises, both good or bad.

TEAMWORK
Think for two & always work as a team.
Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you.
Strengthen couple power.
In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favour of our individual selves.

SUPPORT
Support each other’s dream. Be willing to follow your passions,
support your partner in his/her decisions & create new ones together.
Two heads are better than one.

TALK
Tell each other’s stories. Life goes by so fast & its easy to see how easily couple can grow apart.
Whenever something funny, scary, exciting or juicy happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it & have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life, even by email if you have to.

just sumthng i go online. heh.

Shankeri is officially serving her 1 month notice.... *throws confetti* yippeeeee.... i feel like running around and dancing . talkin about running around,man u won. i woke up and heard my brother singing glory glory man united and he was dressed in red too. in his jerseys... apparently he has a napfa test. i heard the lines being sung for 15 mins before he left. wah sian. why do i have a brother who has football in his blood n yet retires from the scene. bodoh!

talking abt serving the 1 mth notice. i have yt to get another job though. bt its okie.im confident i can get another job. im mega happy though... kilowatt smile now... n im dancing in my seat. heh. been ages since i felt this happy.hehe. cant wait to leave. i miss having a life. i miss smiling n breaking into laughters. i miss joking about and i miss ritz badly. heh. well not too far... need to go n pay them a visit. things have changed. bt i miss my mummy n ice and kak aud.

i wonder whether 10 yrs down the road,
u will remember gripping my hand
as everyone beckoned you.

i wonder whether 10 yr down the road,
will u remember any of this?

i wonder 10 yrs down the road,
will it still be the same?
The laughter, happiness and noise.

i wonder 10yrs down the road,
will i see a kid whom is my own?


season finale of gossip girl later. cant wait!

2 mugs of vodka mixed with bitter lime, 1 mug vodka,bitter lime and coke, 3 mugs of bourbon coke. i didnt noe i cld drink so much. surprised i did. looks like i have the gene alryt. afterall at the age of 1, we all were introduced to our 1st taste of alcohol.

i noe i was high. nt drunk. bt high. n the best. had to take a a quarter can of red bull and 1 whole cup of lime and the alcohol lvl still didnt go dn tt much. heh. too bad devi akka, kumar maama had to leave early. oh well. family occasions is where i drink. surprised my brother abstained though.had fun drinkin. gosh. sound like an alcoholic. scary.

my latest addiction. its my drug.

i have this addiction for smart arse ppl n scandalous stuffs.

this guy makes me have the bad boy crushes. . all i noe is tt this guy is the devil. like the current episode, when s refuses to tell the rest wts buggin her n b goes tt they aint all saints n each quotes 1 incident, he just goes 'im chuck bass'. heh. dig tt line. oh n i love his serious look. he just looks hot.

oh bt now i thnk this guy is lookin cute. n he is....

i have no idea why i do. bt yes he does. in the show tt is.








oh n my fav lady in this show is.....








she is free spirited, smart arsed n different. oh an a unique character in the show of the rich and famous.


season finale is this monday. gosh. dunno how im gonna survive. until then. xoxo.

being an individual whom is easily bored, i hate being bored. routines, i hate.


perhaps that's why im thnkin abt the past conversations i had with siva.. the only conclusion i can derive is that 1)im bored 2) i want some1's advice. okie, somehow that guy used to care tons abt me. thus i guess. or rather we connected well... too well. hmmph. still dont have that with anyone. sianz.


i miss talking... TALKING. like evrything under the sun and sky and the moon. argh. help. im stuck... i wanna quit but i dunno watta do after that. plus heading to australia. the cost seems like a bomb. the mature, wiser me tells i shldnt burden the parents with a massive bill but the dream in me tells me i MUST go. argh. i hate being stuck in such situations. omg.


i feel like goin back to customer svcs bt i feel i shld get some pharmaceutical or lab experience. bt screw it, i DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO A LAB THAT HAS ROUTINES! see the amount of confusion in me. no wonder i am finding for him. since sumhow he always gave me sane ideas that appealed to me. compared to the mixed opinions frm my parents. oh brother.

on happier note, i felt happy when i saw the seyed lookalike. no idea why. its like a smile just erupted on my face. n he really looks like u la seyed. i miss skipping. n dancing. it feels like ages that i have done both. though its jz tuesday i did. went back home to see pukar on. so dance la. i still miss dancing. like 2 whole hrs. maybe i shld do tt evryday to get rid of the fats on my butt. why issit i am cursed to have fats gathering there. it makes me feel like an african.



i miss tp food. feel like goin back sch. lepak kat batu. or kat concourse. i miss bitching sessions. i miss having so many things in my life. made me feel alive. wtf. i hate all these routines now.


oh happy bday gaya n farhan. heh. im slpy. thus the rambles. even i dunno wtf im typing.

i hate waking up at 6am and the 45 mins or so journey every morning.


i hate rushing to school after 5.30pm and being stuck there till 10pm and then rushing back home to just sleep.


i hate feeling tired day in day out.


i hate the fact that saturdays n sundays are days whick i look forward to stay at home as i am never at home during weekdays.


i hate the eyebags and dark rings that has seemed to be a resident under my eyes.


i hate the everyday cycle. it just seems neverending.


why didnt i feel this before? haiz.

desiderata. sumthng readable. sumthng i need to remind myself. money isnt evrythng on earth. happiness is. n i aint happy in tpjc. therefore im leaving. gonna tender end of this mth. by end of june, im outta here. now the desperation of finding for a job to occupy me. coz august to july, i have nth to do. no sch. unless i decide to learn driving. i shld. bt australia is more impt to me. so i rather learn it after i come back with my degree or learn it there. apparently its cheaper?


the lil devil/sister/granny/nag is seriously getting on my nerves. gosh, she is childish and i cant stand her moodswings. its fucking irritatin to me. i control the urge to slap her. i mean for goddamn sake, quit being sensitive la... juz coz sum1 scolds or critcizes u, u start crying or start throwing tantrums. this is life sweetie. shit gets thrown at u. face it. omg. n she sounds terribly indian la... so tamilachi. gross. why is my sister that way? haiz sian. actually im scared to go to australia now. before i noe it, she starts hanging with all those tamilans n then starts wearing all black and pricks up for no reason and does the all talk no action shit.


12 yrs old discussing abt bgr is sick la. when i was 12, i was more interested in the bible and dancing. bt i cant wait to go to australia too.. heh. my dream. my ambition. i have this fascination with the down under since young. i wanna work there too.. for a few yrs. then come back to sunny singapura. heh. love all these plans.

need to quit this job. desperately searching for another job. hopefully secure 1 soon. n its bye to being stuck in the lab. knew it was a bad idea for me to join this job. bt didnt have much of a choice then. gosh. july makes it a yr. gonna be here till the 30th of june. after which, with or without a job, im gonna give them the resignation letter and start serving the 1 mth notice.


i need to get out. serious time is out. cant stand all these stupid rules and no fun stuffs. rebel in me wanna rebel. outz

Dear taata,

its been 6 yrs at arnd 1021 0r 1022. miss u . feel ur loss in all the family gatherings. too bad i cant go to the cemetery today due to class. oh well u will understand right, taata? i hope ure proud of me. i graduated from poly and am in uni now just like how u wished. n i dont have asthma anymore too. *touch wood* n like u told me, i didnt have any boyfriends, okie only that 1 slip but other than that, i still dont nor do i have the interest to have 1. remember that u told me that always... to concentrate on my studies and not waste my time on guys.



i miss u so much taata. so much that i remember all this snippets and smile to myself coz it brings back those gd old day when sankeri was a small girl and u were alive, talking to me. i miss u and love u still to this date.


ur loving granddaughter,
sankeri

time check: 22/4/08


Exam: 2 days time


Chapters left. 9.5


Status: Surviving... =)

What Sivasankeri Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you. You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night. Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

tml is the 20th of april. a mth older, 4 mths left before i officially turn 22. a yr after i officially turn an adult under the law's and society's eye. 3 more odd mths or so since i have been officially single... for a yr... wtf... time is flying.


my brother is signing up for ns medical check up... he is turning into a man too. the 2 yrs transition period is coming up. feels funny. the way i thnk now has changed too. more adult like, more responsible. more serious. gone are the days when i looked for fun. i realize im turning into a workaholic. yes i complain that i hate the place im working at but tts coz of tt old geezer. nth else. other than tt, i enjoy having something to do to occupy my time. but of coz nt all the time.


fuck, i feel old. seriously. i miss home cooked food. i miss coming home to food, not the empty pots and pans now. a full thrust into responsibility will beckon on me soon. once i finish studying. hah. gosh... what happened to all those days of carefreeness? it just flew past.

reminiscing those days. all i noe is tt it has made me wt i am. thank u all for making me this way. from ravin to siva, to rafidah to raihan. n seyed, thank you for those snippets of encouragement. it helped me thru this wk. it really did.

kak masni is back tml.


time check: spa nxt monday


Exam: Nxt thursday



Time left: 8 days exclusive today


Status: Surviving.

Money makes the world go around. We slog our arses off for that paper, blinded by our pursuits for it, neglecting health, relationships and even at times compromising intergrity.


Is that piece of paper seriously worth all of it i wonder. Even my parents give an higher priority to that small piece of shit compared to my well-being. Their advice? multi vitamin pills.. period.


wtever for? wts the point in enriching the body with nutrients when its the brain and the heart that is screaming for the rest? i am exhausted. completely. my threshold has been reached. Literally my body has started its own revolt.


n yet i am hanging on for the much anticipated bonus that all civil servants look forward to in july. after all, i thnk i deserve that 1 mth or so pittance. It will be made full use for my studies. in perth. Yes, im hanging on till july. Not out of a wish. but i know if i quit before that, i will have people goin after me for the rest of my life for being stupid. God give me the strength. I beg of you.

saturday is ending so fast. gosh.. wkends shld be longer. ways nth beats having a meal with ur whole family. its just filling. n nth beats grocery shopping with ur family. i think i am getting soft. is that gd or bad?/

this is gonna be a full fledged rant... about some1 whom i noe. I shall name tt person B. this was the chat conversation for the past 3 days...

B: Hey
Me: Hey
B: How ure doin?
Me: surviving
Me: U?
B: im doin alryt...
B: sounds like sumthng i will say, nt u
B: why?
Me: Work.

wah lau, wt? im supposed to be always goin great issit? im optimistic too... bt nt till i noe im damn shittified n i go great. im nt delusional.


B: so wats gonna happen in july?
B: Hi
Me: Hey
Me: qutting my job
Me: Heading to perth
B: Oh.. okie
B: i knew u were going
B: but didnt think it was so soon
Me: well im onto my yr 2 already

and the conversation carried on... but i find it damn kpo la... why bother what happens to me in july? nobody asked... only him.. nt even hisyamuddin!


n today,

B: hey
B: so wts ur plan for saturday
Me: sch n goin out with my frenz later
Me: but considering coz i aint feeling so well
B: Sick?
Me: kinda.. throat and head hurts...
B: why?
B: u sound like u partied yest
Me: i dont drink till im drunk
Me: and i dont drink with friends, only family
B: okie
B: so u have an happening family?
Me: yes


conversations go on....

B: was that a swipe at me?
Me: Nah, if i wanna make a swipe at u, i do it directly
Me: not indirectly
B: haha...u quite brave ah
Me: what has tt gotta to do with braveness? i juz state my views
Me: if u can take it, gd
Me: if u cant take it, i cant do much
Me: unfortunately or fortunately, i am an highly opionated individual
B: thats unfortunate actually
B:but that means u can take care of urself
B: so fortunate for u.


.... i aint offended la... bt hehe, dunno why i just find the conversation we have a lil too personal...we arent tt close... n i dont thnk its wise we get closer now... coz B is attached... shit happens... n i dont wanna be involved. bt i enjoy the conversations... its cool... haha...

im fatigued. try setting up 4 labs on ur own... topping up arnd 72 bottles per lab on ur own... eh wait, its more than tt... carrying 5 to 6 liters of liquid. i salute ppl who have worked in the lab for 20 yrs.. i cant even do 6 mths without having this incessant urge to quit. the only thng tt is making me stay on till july is the bonus. after july, its hasta la vista baby... im outta tpjc. 3 more mths. n im goin thru hell now... my oso has to go thru a surgery. so i doubt she will be back for the spa trial which is the wk after. the spa is 2 wks frm this wk. hopefully she is back then... coz its exam wk.


my sister made me take time off today with her immensive stomach ache... when the parents rnt arnd, this has to happen. tgif... im grateful... if only it runs faster. im awaiting for may to come... eagerly...

its gonna be a yr since isz died in a mth's time. invitation for a gathering to head to his grave to pay respects are out. stuart is of coz the spearhead. aint so sure who else.. i thnk perhaps nabil.

my eldds dance partner. basket. it still hurts. it still draws tears. i danced with tt guy for a few mths. i acted with him. 1 of my fav jrs. 1 guy whom i respected n will always respect. a gem.

damn!

aitez. n an interesting email. a lil true perhaps?

n yes he is 'smart'. tts why us of a is heading to a recession...

i have added another author to my fav. michael crichton. i liked his books prey and disclosure. i realize nth gives me a better satisfaction than a gd thriller laced with tons of knowledgable stuffs such as technological or scientific or historical anecdotes. i also realize that i am bored with my job coz there is a lack of challenge or nethng new for me to learn. thus this explains why i feel like quittin.. bt with optimism, its april. another 3 more wks for exams which translates to 2 days off, another 4 wks for 30th april and 1st may off. so hold on...


and yes back to creighton... disclosure is abt sexual harrassment in an office. a superior on her subordinate... yes, u read right, its a woman. sadly, sexual harrassment affect men too. infact thngs like molest, rape, forced to have sex, bullying, threatening does happen with men too.. sadly nt alot do come forth due to the ego and there isnt much organization to prevent that too...


surprisingly the world still thnks tt women are oppressed. bt society is changing. there are men who do help out. the percentage might be small bt it is increasing with the generations. so time for a AMARE or sumthng like tt juz like AWARE for women? well i leave the rest for ppl to go n find for the bk. n yes there are men who do get ppo in singapore... like they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.. some women are really suspicious creatures. i salute those men who can tolerate being questioned as i detest it vehemently.


n it is a true story btw. so yes. the character in the story does win my support. yes, i do thnk some men are pitiable. why? they have to put up with insane, money digging creatures like women. there are arseholes too... bt there are bitches too... its a world of fairness i guess... oh and office politics do exist. we are just ignorant of it or rather i am acting ignorant of it as i dont wish to be embroiled in such situations.

newae 1 thought of mine, mcps are mcps due to their upbringal and women play an enormous portion in it thus its actually women who do make men the mcps. period.

Which 5 Type Of Guys You Should NeverDate

1. Married men

It’s obvious why dating married men is a bad idea. Falling in love with a guy who already belongs to someone else entails countless painful sacrifices on your part:

You cannot have him all for yourself, you have to keep your affair a secret, you can’t be seen together in public, and he can only call you when he can find the time away from his family and friends. Not to mention all the potential stigmas that could plague you if your relationship is exposed.

2.Dominator

This guy takes an interest in everything you do, from the way you dress, who's in your phone list, the way you arrange your room to how your friends treat you.

At first it may feel wonderful to have this attentive man who genuinely cares about what'sgoing on in your life,.A control freak can be extremely charming in a new relationship, but once he feels secure he starts to become pushy and controlling.

And unless he can control the other person, he fears he will lose her or that his own life will become chaotic.His tyrannical behavior soon makes life miserable for his partner.

"Being a control freak is not about love, although he’ll tell you it is:It’s about power"

3.Broken Heart

He's the guy who seems so sensitive and caring when you first met and tells you the heart-wrenching story of his past broken relationship. And soon you’ll find out that he's still nursing a broken heart from the relationship he had with someone ten years ago.

Face it, if he lives in a haze of self-indulgent gloom and loves the drama of his own misery, you’ll never get through no matter how much time you spend trying to mend his broken heart.So give up and get going.

4. Smoothie

He's suave, sports designer suits, has a glitzy social life, owns an expensive apartment and zips around town in a flashy convertible. He loves lavishing women with lots of attention, and has you feeling like a princess with his constant showers of gifts, flowers and exotic dinners.

Problem is, you may not be the only chick in this Casanova's life. Men like that are very likely to be a misogynist..

and the last 1...

5. The Drain

You'll recognize a Drain because this guy constantly saps you – emotionally,financially and/or physically. He hates his life, can't stop complaining about his job, blames everyone else for his own laziness, and essentially relies on you to bolster his poor self-image.

"Other Drains include men who always seem to be borrowing money because they have maxed out their credit cards, who lose their temper over nothing and use you as an emotional punchbag.

Guys like that are really nothing more than selfish, spoiled whiners who don’t understand the concept of responsibility or self-respect. Get them out of your life and lock the doors.


hmm n i wonder do they have a list for the girls... tt will be interesting to read... cheerz.

How Lying, Flirting (with Someone Else!) & Fighting Can Make You Closer

Raise your hand if you've ever gotten into a stupid fight with your guy and stormed off in a huff. Or if you get a secret rush from flirting with a cute waiter, even though you adore your husband. Or if you occasionally tell your guy blatantly untrue things, like, "Sure, I think your bald spot is sexy!

" Sound familiar? Fighting, flirting, fibbing — these are all habits that conventional wisdom says are big, fat no-no's in a relationship. But guess what: Everyone does this stuff sometimes — yes, even that couple you know who looks so perfect from the outside. And here's the really good news: A lot of supposedly bad love habits not only aren't bad for you, they just might do your long-term bond a whole lot of good.


Read on to learn how these five love fouls can actually make your relationship stronger, closer, and better than ever.

Flirting It's dangerous, it's wrong — it's the gateway act to cheating. In fact, to some, it is cheating. But the truth is, a little innocent flirting with someone other than your steady can have serious relationship benefits. First of all, the ego boost you get from flirting with someone new can make you feel as sexy as you did when you and your guy first got together. "Over time, couples get so used to each other, they become complacent," says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a psychologist in Los Angeles.


"Flirting with other people brings out the 'Wow!' factor again. It reignites your sexiness and boosts your confidence." The key is that you share the benefits: "You can take that sexy energy home to your husband and use it in the bedroom," says Thomas. What's more, if your guy bears witness to another man showing some flirtatious interest in you now and then, that's not always a bad thing. "A little jealousy is like a wake-up call," says Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of When the Honeymoon Is Over: Why Some Marriages Succeed and Others Fail. "It reminds you of how lucky you are to have what you have."


But when does innocent flirting cross the line? Thomas's rule: If you wouldn't do it with your partner present — whether because you think it would embarrass him or because it would cross trust boundaries — don't do it when he's not. And when you do flirt, be honest with yourself about what's behind it: If you find yourself constantly looking forward to flirting with the handsome neighbor you see on your evening jog, you could be sprinting toward trouble.

"Flirting is just part of my DNA and my husband knows it," says Heather, 31, a mother of one in Georgia. "For me, what makes it okay is the intention behind it and what is in my heart. I know my husband is the greatest man and father in the world, and I feel infinitely blessed to have him in my life. Knowing this, I don't feel ashamed to let the flirt in me out every now and then."

Being Selfish

Compromise doesn't mean finding the exact middle ground in every single situation.If there's one piece of relationship wisdom we hear over and over, it's compromise, compromise, compromise. So how can being selfish possibly be good? Here's the key: Compromise doesn't mean finding the exact middle ground in every situation. "Compromise can also mean that this time, you do it 100 percent your way, and next time, you do it 100 percent his way," says Thomas. And it's the doing it your way you should stop feeling bad about.


"Couples think that both partners should give the same amount," says relationship coach Susan Page, author of Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage. "The problem is, you have no control over what your partner gives."

Yes, in an ideal world, you're each giving the other just what's needed: You cede the remote on Monday nights; he hands over the arts pages on Sunday mornings. But many of the big and small needs we have aren't always obvious, and your man can't read your mind. That's why pinning your happiness on whether or not he gives you what you need when you need it — be it a compliment, time alone, affection that doesn't have to lead to sex, or even a sink that doesn't drip anymore —

well, that's a recipe for frustration and resentment, no matter how much love and how many good intentions you both have. So instead of waiting for him to give you what you need every time, get a little grabby now and then. "Doing some taking as well as giving," says Page, "is a way for you to keep your relationship perfectly balanced."


No, we're not talking about blowing the kids' college funds on a trip to Vegas. We're talking about small gestures that make a big difference to you. If he's stuck at the office when you want to go to your friend's birthday dinner, don't wait for him — just go. If you haven't been getting to watch your own shows lately, TiVo his and tell him he's going to have to wait an hour tonight. If he still hasn't fixed the sink, just hire a plumber already. Don't feel guilty about choosing to put yourself first at moments like these. Taking things for yourself will make you feel satisfied with what you've got, instead of leaving you brewing and stewing over what you're not getting from him. And that'll make you a happier, more loving partner in the long run.

Arguing

Arguing is actually one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do for your relationship.It's true that nonstop battling isn't great for your love. (See the movie The War of the Roses.) And some couples are so worried about the possible negative effects of arguing — Are we tearing apart our bond? Does it mean we're not meant to be? — that they pride themselves on never arguing.


But here's a surprise: Never fighting can be just as bad as constant conflict. In fact, arguing is one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do. Think of fighting as relationship Drano: Once in a while you have to clean out the pipes. Sure, it gets ugly, but afterward, things flow more smoothly. If, on the other hand, you stuff your anger, it eventually builds up so much that it can sabotage your entire relationship. "We are not clones of one another," says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., a Chicago marital therapist and author of Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map. "It is inevitable that we will disagree from time to time. So either you verbalize your disagreement, or you don't verbalize it and you harbor resentment, which eventually tears you apart."Executed correctly, a fight can even be a tool to advance your cause as a couple. "Arguing doesn't always lead to a consensus," says Huston, "but it's useful to your relationship because it can lead to a clarification of your differences and a solution on how to move past them together." Just remember the "right" way to fight: "The key to a good argument is that you can disagree all you want, but you still show respect to your partner," says Huston.

Stacks and stacks of research have shown that partners who use arguments as an opportunity to criticize each other or show contempt (by, say, rolling their eyes) are far more likely to separate or divorce. "Here's the golden rule I tell my clients about fighting," says REDBOOK Love Network expert Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. "You should only talk about the problem long enough that you both understand what the problem is. Then start working on the solution."

WALKING AWAY ANGRY

Okay, so you're having a "healthy" argument with your guy, and things have gotten superheated. You're getting angrier, your voice is getting louder, and you're saying the same things over and over in an attempt to hammer home your point. Stop and walk away, now. When the fight reaches that fevered pitch, you experience an increased heart rate and a surge in stress hormones, a phenomenon REDBOOK Love Network expert John Gottman, Ph.D., has dubbed "flooding."

"Flooding is a physiological response to the stress of an argument that sends your body into fight-or-flight mode," explains Tessina. "The emotional side of your brain is so aroused that it overtakes your logical side, and you're no longer capable of being productive in the fight."When either of you is flooded, the fight can stray onto ground that isn't just off-topic, but destructive. "Once couples open the floodgates, they start bringing up things that happened years ago, tapping into old feelings of pain and hurt," says Thomas.

"It's in these moments of fury that you blurt out hurtful things you would never say in a calm, clear state of mind." To avoid saying or doing something you might regret, recognize when you're getting flooded and take a time-out.

And since flooding is more typical in men, according to Gottman's research, if you sense that your guy is losing it first, you might use your less-flooded female mind to suggest the time-out yourself."My husband is so bullheaded that we'll get to a point in an argument where nothing is being accomplished, and we're getting madder and madder," says Jennifer, 33, a mother of one from New Jersey. "I finally started telling him I needed a break, and I leave the house for an hour.


When I come back, he's always much calmer and he actually listens to my side."If your fights often escalate quickly, try establishing a cease-fire code. "Make a rule that if one of you makes the time-out hand signal, you'll just stop fighting, no questions asked, and step back until you've both calmed down," suggests Tessina. If it's late at night and you think you're better off sleeping, do that. Yep, you heard us right: Sometimes you should just go to bed angry. One caveat: When you walk away from a fight, don't walk away for good.

"The problem for most couples isn't that their fights are too long, but that they're too short," explains Hamburg. "They walk away from the fight because they're worked up, but then abort the fight altogether because it makes them uncomfortable to restart." Make a commitment that you will discuss the issue again when you both have clearer heads.

LYING

Sometimes telling a little white lie is easier than telling the truth. But watch out for lies that keep things smooth now but lay minefields that could explode later."No, of course your haircut doesn't make you look like Pee-wee Herman." "I love your mother's tuna casserole."

"My ex? Oh, he was terrible in bed." Yes, sometimes telling a little white lie is just easier than telling the truth. And you shouldn't feel too guilty over the occasional fib — when it comes to love, honesty really isn't always the best policy.Let's say your husband meets your new six foot-tall, blue-eyed, former-model coworker Brian at a company party. "Do you find that guy attractive?" he asks on the way home.

What should you say? "Sometimes the subtext of a question is more important than the question itself," says Huston. In this case, what your guy may really be asking is, "Do you still love me and do I need to be worried about our relationship?" That's an easy one, right?Next, ask yourself, Who am I protecting? If a lie would mean protecting yourself and your attraction to Brian, it's unhealthy. If, on the other hand, you're protecting your husband's feelings and want him to feel assured of your love, it's not only understandable to say, "Brian? Ugh, he's boring,"


it may actually be more truthful than if you said, "Sure, I think he's gorgeous — who wouldn't?" "A white lie is beneficial if it is preserving honorable feelings within your relationship — in this case, that you love your husband and would never betray him," says Thomas. "You're lying to uphold a greater truth for a greater good." Just watch out for lies that keep things smooth now but lay minefields that could explode later.

For example, "It's not okay if you're lying to avoid a confrontation that needs to happen," says Tessina, or if not knowing the truth will harm your partner — like if you lie about your personal spending when you and your husband are on a tight budget and saving to buy a house. "Sooner or later the truth will come out," says Tessina. "Not only will the problem be exposed, but the deception will be too, and the deception is the worst part. That's what makes your partner wonder, How can I ever trust you again?" Think about what your partner deserves to hear and "do right by him," says Thomas. If that means saying his beer gut has never looked better, then smile and fib away!

4 GREAT LOVE HABITS TO PICK UP TODAY

Tell each other "I love you" at least once a day. It's like smiling, says Thomas. "Even if you're not feeling very loving, the mere act of saying you love your partner will create that feeling in you."


Give each other check-the-mail time. At the end of the day, each person needs 10 to 20 minutes of what Thomas calls "unwind time" — when you take off your coat, go to the bathroom, check the mail, turn on the news — before being handed the baby or told about the clogged sink. "If you deny each other that alone time, you'll build up resentment that compromises the time you do spend together.


"Touch, touch, and touch."Touch is the gateway to sustaining a connection in a healthy sexual relationship," says Patti Britton, a licensed sex therapist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching. Try a healing touch (rubbing your partner's aching neck), an affectionate touch (a squeeze around the waist), or a sensual touch (running your fingers through his hair).


Let it go. "Most of the things you fight about don't matter a lot," says Hamburg. So when you find yourself dueling over when the kids should eat or who should do the dishes, just flip a coin. Obviously, serious conflict should be dealt with on a more serious level, says Hamburg, "but most of the things couples fight about don't matter a lot either way. Your kids will grow up healthy whether they eat now or later." "Being right is the booby prize of life," Page adds, "because in the end, you haven't really won." So let go and lighten up — you'll both be happier for it.

Things i have to do.

assignment 1 deadline: 2nd April

Neha's bday bbq: 30th March

Ppl whom i have to meet: Sayedah, Eka,Joce,Yan Zhen, Hafeez n Anusha

I love she will be loved by maroon 5... dont ask me why. always did n will.

Spilled sufuric acid on myself today. broke the bottle too. mundane life, mundane stuffs. i miss poly life. i do. i miss having a life. i do. toodlez

another entry, another day. this is going to be rich with words as usual. i am adding pictures into the entries. coz im lazy of typing n now adding on a picture is much faster and easier.


ways my current class has nearly 15 students whom are tp alumni... of that, i believe 9 are my batchmates. seems a lil like old days. furthermore ol's friend is my classmate. gosh, the memories.ol or orientation leader is zul fadly. we juz used nicknames. easier. seeing him is like the old days man.


yes, im nostalgic. im thnkin of shahdon, sidah,sandy,angela,tim,terry,ian,ana...
haha.. i miss lepak-in at the batu with shahdon.. n we never joget kat plaza. n we never tried all the food frm itas canteen.*sulks* i miss my choc chip muffin. i miss my apple n aloe vera juice n barley! oh n py... n miss tan n mct n te with tt stupid blue shoe covers which was always reused... n how we wld wear slippers n go gross its wet. haha.. i miss poly life la.. i miss learning bio!


oh i bumped into kabetha(?) and maivilli. maivilli is d same bt kabetha... woah.. she has changed. her dressing was like a dancer n was surprised to see her in jz a tube. bt salute her for being confident. n apparently she is with a chinese guy? facts need to be checked. n i keep on seeing faizal like everywk. err n i realize i noe alot of faizal's with diff variation of name. sianz.... n i really miss those blue shoe covers n dr lim. ah... i miss that lab! n all those alcohol we sprayed here n there...keke...n this ends this random entry.

hmm... sumthng wrng with blogger? i have no idea. the week is flying fast. thank god for tt. bt i dread the period after this week. not any hols till may when there is 2 of em and then sch hols. well i hate my work. yes, it is a paradise bt unfortunately i get bored too easily n yes i am tired of preparing chemicals and topping them up. i need something challenging. though it will exhaust me, i guess it will satisfy me. i love cracking my brains. its sumthng tt i look forward to which is why perhaps i do enjoy learning things. this doesnt apply to maths. never will.

mansha bday on sunday. love u princess.

taken during her 1st bday n now she is....

3rd yr on earth.. much loved by all being the youngest. oldest being 31 and the youngest 3. yes, the manikam men are virile even at the age of 40.

n the much needed slumber beckons. my eye bags are bad. evidence is as attached.

oh btw, happy 6th bday feez. i still prefer 4. *smirks*