i have painted my nails red. it reminds me of a bitch. bt hell who cares? another 5/4 days to the end of the year. im turning 23 next yr. wth. i feel old. i was just talking to 16 yr olds dis afternoon and gosh, i really wonder was i this naive back then? that everything in life is this smooth. haha... the world is gonna swallow them with a gargantous swallow.. before u noe it, ure sinking. hah. and what was very complimenting is that they can think im 18 or 19. wow, i feel honored. do i really look that young i wonder?

perhaps i painted my nails to remind myself that i dont need these feelings now. the last i need is a major attraction to anybody. unfortunately the heart is attracted. crap. i thought i was immune to this. honestly i feel like a secondary sch kid. pining to see her crush. happy when i see him. glad when he stops by and talks. n when he calls me siv, i feel like there is somethng clandestine goin on. the smiles, the winks. haha... holy god. n i tt im 22, all matured... gosh, this is how it was when i was a teenager! haha... so buzz off feelings... i dont need to get hurt again. i dont need to feel confused again. so perhaps its gd he didnt add me on msn. dont need to fall deeper.

i feel that i have grown up too fast. this past 1 yr, i feel that i have matured tons that it scares me. its too fast. i know the main reason i might have matured will be due to the decision to remain separated but yet i wonder if such an adverse decision was not made in the 1st place, would i have matured?


i see myself in the mirror and dont see whom i used to see in poly or secondary school. what happened to that kid? i know its a phase of no turning back. bt i wish i could go back to it just for a day. just a day to sit dn n lepak at a canteen with nothing more in mind than the up-coming tutorial or a test, a day where i feel such love for a guy, emotions i didnt noe existed within me, a day where i was jz crazy n loud n tomboyish n enjoyed my heavy metal.

my taste has evolved so much that metal no longer appeals to me. i still do like my blink 182 n all.. bt current bands n songs jz sound like tons of noise. current hip hop songs sounds trash. im listening to tons of 90s n early 2000s songs n tons of memories flood past. all i can do is smile, chuckle at certain songs n jz wonder when did i grow up? how come it happened without me knowing abt it.

i have grown to be more fussier and more stubborn. more confident that singlehood is the path i want. once upon a time, though the mouth said i dont wanna get married, deep dn, like evry other girl, i had my own fairytales... all planned out. as i grow older, i have learnt to be more realistic. now how i wish i was still that imaginative. that will help me save my arse tons. oh well, now i shall return back to this realistic life i have carved out for myself.

ola... its december... heh. well my brother went to vietnam with my atm card n my billabong belt. i blew my top in the morning. like hello, i wanna go out! how can i go out with no money? i dont wanna ask my parents for money coz def they will question why am i spending so much? i hate being questioned.

i am very fussy coz i only use 1 thing till it dies. coz its hard for me to like anything n get it. so yeah. likewise for the w980i fone, thought i saw that the thng looks like it can snap. my heart still wants it. see? so hard for me to get over things... i have looked at tons of se fones. none i like! nth new. haiz.


i wanna get specs, lenses, the fone, a new watch n do something to my hair. im sian of it. nt tt i dont have the money. i can spend it bt to not feel the pinch, i have to space it out and prioritize. i need the specs or lenses coz im out of lenses and my specs degree is lower than mine and i think the specs is more essential coz coz, i thnk my eyes are dying on me. its gets dry damn fast. thnkin of wearing specs for a mth before i go back to lenses. fone n watch aint so impt. both of my current 1 aint dying... yt... n the hair.. well nth will happen if it aint done immediately... oh well i shall end this post.......... NOW