i know its early to infact start a closure for 2007 but im free right now. aint so sure abt later since im heading to the countdn. 1stly, hafeez, im really very sorry... i have had 2 sec sch close frenz asking me are u my bf... haha... so im sorry... n hey all's fair in love. so they say. so if ne girl loves u alot, she will come n tell u i believe... keke... aitez... 2007... a true rollercoaster baby.

Depression loomed in the beginning of the yr. lifted by some1 who at that point of time was i felt the strongest form of love. started on the journey for my degree. somehow my childhood dream to do my degree in australia is being fulfilled. well im doing my degree here bt its frm uni of western aussie.. so somehow fulfillment and when i go over to australia either by august or jan 2009, its completely fulfilled. i have got alot closer to my family. now i know how much love there is in my family. yes we wont show it in words bt actions. bt its there. when an uncle searches for me coz i aint there in a family gathering. when my grandma comes over and asks have i eaten. when i have the best eldest brother. when my dad is slowly starting to hand over the financial responsibility. when i placed my head on my mum's lap and she stroked my head.. never had this ever in my life... n i treasure it alot.


a job that pays though i dont do much. interesting friends. education. and a great family. wt else more can i ask for?


the only major sadpoint was my lovelife... bt it taught me alot. 1st relationship, 1st time i felt that a commitment isnt tt bad. no disappointment there. he had enough. though the ending was mega hurtful coz well since i felt he knew me very well, he shld noe the best was to not hurt me and breaking my trust. haha. nvm... wt happened has happened... so thank u for giving me life's valuable lesson. appreciate it. n with this, i end this yr. saying its one of the yr i will never 4gt... my 21st yr on earth with a bang... looking forward to 2008 with much anticipation. lots to do. lots to prepare... love all of u peepz. im nt gonna make ne resolutions bt will work on wt i shld do... there are alot. outz.

aitez i jz realized i didnt update wt i did...

wednesday-learnt astrology... yes im learning it... the indian way in TAMIL. YES ITS A NIGHTMARE!

Thursday-met with anusha dearie. had dinner... walked arnd... talked.


Friday-had steamboat at work. there are pictures of me doing it. yes i look domestic. n no im nt gonna put it up newhere.


Saturday- met with magesh annae. gt a talk abt his job. earning big moolah. im joining i guess. met some nice ppl. arnd my age too. nt so bad. talked with gopi... very interesting person. then headed to the pageant. saw ebi shankara!! screamed tons... n of coz my uncle deva. he sang my fav song. bumped in2 monica, her fiance, bhavs darling n her bf n as well as a primary schmate, sharul... world is too small. saw junie and yvonne too.then headed to pasir ris at arnd 11 for appu annae's bday... he turns 30... the kids ran arnd wetting the bday boy. okie actually his bday is today. the 30th... bt they wanted to spend it this way... saw big aatha. sashan n mohven... mansha baby n sheena. its interesting ar... a 30 yrs old man playing arnd with 11 and 9 yr old kids... haha... n yes.. my oldest cousin is 30, youngest is 2. n we have nephews too. n yes we had to leave arnd 1 coz shankaran has to work today...

last event for the yr... countdn n slpover! cant wait...


n condolences to raman's family.. he is only 30... n he passed away..okie, i might have not liked him bt he doesnt deserve to die... n i respect him for knowing when to stay away as many guys dont. he did. may ur soul rest in peace. 2nd ppl i noe personally who passed away. 3rd person if u count the young guys. well tts all outz.

friday, its friday... =) today is magesh annae's bday... n he turns 29.... nearly 30... he is getting OLD! hehe. heard this o re piya song... dunno whether its in aaja nachle... i thnk it is... damn freaking nice. tml is the familia gathering... the maternal side... cant wait... cant wait... woo hoo... thinkin shld i go in the mini skirt since its the beach bt before tt am goin to the pageant. wont be nice dressing up so slack. sian... nvm.... will worry abt it later... hmm... 3 more days to ny countdn. 4 more days to 2008. cant wait, cant wait... the sucky part is the sch term starting in tpjc n calculus nitemare... i fnt touched the notes at all... bt nvm... 50... aim for 50 n gt it over n done with. outz.

ola, was clearing up the lab and fiddling arnd with the fire blanket... was trying to jig it in coz it was jammed... my thumb caught the edge of the container n i ended up cutting myself... yeah wth.... n i went fuck... haiz. i really wanna stop cussing. bt well at least now i dont cuss for normal conversations. unless im damn pissed. hmm.... sunday,monday was fun coz we were out the whole day practically... ate fish n co... since there isnt ne in msia. n i realized it my mum really cant be brought out for fine dining... she will jz end up embarrassing herself n the familia. bt at least, she has fine table etiquettes... coz she is the 1 who taught me... duh. its jz tt her questions are damn dumb... like u noe dumb blondes and their jokes... my mum aint a blonde bt yeah its kinda embarrassing. i know she stopped after her o's bt its like she is still a child with all her qs.


end of the yr is 5 days away. n the new yr is 6 days away. god bless us all... mega slpy now... outz

heya. go n catch alvin and the chipmunk. it was uber cute la. damn uber cute. watching them dance... next 2 movies i wanna catch is good luck chuck and heartbreak kid. in less than 12hrs, radha sittappa will be here! cant wait. hmm... today, hit town... went to far east... ate at ramen 10 again. then walk arnd with su n apiz. take fotos. i thnk tml will be heading to town once again. n calculus sucks la. wtf. argh. hate maths. aitez outz.

xmas is arnd the corner. new yr is arnd the corner. the week is coming to an end. a wk more for 2008... or so. woo hoo! ny countdn with the cuzzies plus slpover. appu annae bday celeb nxt sat. sorry anusha, i cant come with u.this wkend radha sitappa... yessiree.... alryt... yest raihan n i headed dn to tekka... yes... tekka... went to do my eyebrows. after which where we headed to mustaffa.... gt my 2 movies. bt cant seem to gt deepavali... sianz. the plans were random... i like random plans. unfortunately, sometimes i end up being booked.


still considering shld we go dn to the 75th show thng this sunday as radha sitappa is coming dn. n today i spent my day at mala sitti hse... had my hair colored... ate my fav ubi kuih.... last i ate it was when grandpa was alive. miss him... my best buddy. days were never boring... i want a guy who can talk... really talk.. jz like me n grandpa... me n siva.... always had something to talk abt... which is damn hard to have. n i regret nt goin to melaka la... was uber fun frm wt they said... eating, shopping... going out with segaraa maama... damn.. missed it... bt hell, nxt yr... i wanna go... nth beats going for hols with the correct ppl... like my uncles. they are explorers. nt lyk my mum. mum n dad is boring... i want sum1 to travel with... to take the nt so often treaded path... tts fun of travelling... posh is gd for pampering. bt hell i wanna soak in the essence. so perhaps shld consider becoming air stewardess... so far, 2 uncles have asked me tt... soon... conc on the degree 1st...

oh, i gt a distinction for chem 2210... *grinz*... sad it aint a high distinction... bt its a distinction... still better than a credit pass or a pass.

eli re eli, kya yah hei paheli

aisa vaisa kuch kyu hota hai saheli


its a very old song... n i heard it pretty long ago.. bt still i love it.. n i listen to it evry day. okie, 2000 isnt tt old... bt seems like eons ago... hehe... ways, dad cant wait for me to go to aussie land... i thnk in this wk alone, he has asked me twice abt it. n i cant too... my dream is perhaps juz a few mths away? or a yr? it kinda feels funny without the brother n the sister. nobody to argue with. and even the mumster... nobody's leg to pull. n i declare the in death series by j.d robb as my fav bk. perhaps i shld start collecting the bks. i want the whole series. wonder how im gonna survive in perth. for a yr... haha... i thnk im gonna be homesick.. n i def will be ar... food to eat, ldy done for me, money when im broke which thanks to god, i have never been. livin my shielded, sheltered life. taking things arnd me for granted. now tts awful rambling.

ways... 13 more days to new yr... n oh happy bday to my aunt.

with the exception of tb, wherever other places i go to in the east or town, i will def bump in2 sum1 i noe. that is a confirmed plus chop as of yest. yest, 1st person to see was the sec 5 fairuz. we rnt really tt close so didnt bother to smile or say hello.. i thnk he might have recognized me or tryin to put a name to the face.... we juz ended up looking at 1 another. after which dinner, saw adeline boon and michelle tay.. nt close to them n dont really talk to them... so didnt bother... abt 10 mins later, lincoln tan and terrence came over... n yeah juz said hi to lincoln.... terrence, cant be bothered. he was jz a history classmate. n then saw hui ping. n then bumped in2 nurul and another 2 afsn ppl.... so yeah... alot of ppl la.... that i noe... dunno who else might have seen me bt i didnt notice them... its possible...funny la... wonder whom im gonna bump in2 nxt sat. hmm, tim tan? kumares? mahtani? haha... never noe.... aitez outz.

its like evry1 else is tired of studying. we rather play arnd then study. like deeps, n shida n neha. n me. i fnt touched the calculus notes. i shld, to revise for the test. afterall i did fail... bt well aint so badly... gained 1/2 or 1 mark in each q. i tt i will gt a 2 or 3... gt a 8.5... which, i thnk aint so bad... coz i didnt uds shit at all. like thurs, su n i were supposed to study... in the end, we ended up camwhoring n watching salaam namaste. like now, supposed to do tut bt im chatting with rufi n blogging. wth is happening to me... i know im slacking... n im afraid of being thrown off my target bt i really dont have the mood to study... its forcing myself to do something. i hope its coz its maths.


n we went to TP for lunch.... n as per the 3 of them, i was never as restless as this.... i was damn hyper.... n yes, i know i was.... i was damn happy i was back in school ar... eating the food, though sumhow the fish n chips sucked yesterday... n getting barley from design. walking arnd itas. goin to the lib... the podium... they changed the chairs there. n.. there was only 1 yellow bench... wth... the rest was green... wth happened to them... oh, bt as had the orange benches.... i was alive there.... remembering the old days... happily reflecting it.... even remember seyed's first smile... keke.. n bitching with aiman n dorena at the port. sitting along the rails at lvl 4 with shahdon for 2 hrs and jz bitching. that was the oddest place... all the tchers walked past asking wt we were doing there... sitting on the stairs, @ the batu with our legs crossed. the mobile canteen, ammar sleeping on the batu or the wall. hehe. the classes over at it. *smiles* hehe.... n nxt yr, its been 2 yrs since im out of tp... damn fast.

n nxt yr is a special yr for me i feel... coz im turning 22 on the 20/08/2008... nice ryt? keke... i like the repetition in it la... keke.. so nice. aitez outz.

oh yes, it was pmsin... met with rufi today.. had fun... watched salaam namaste again... once again, love that happens only in the movies n bks. nah, i aint bitter... bt more of a getting statistic details on love. oh well nth to post... n aint gt the mood too... outz

somehow today i feel somesort of a sadness welling in me. i hope its jz plain pmsing. dad asked me for 1.4k to pay the credit card bills. there goes like completely 5 mths of salary. the prev 4 k plus he removed and now this much. nt so bad... n i dunno wt happens for nxt sem's sch fees nor goin aussie. haiz. he better not tell me there is no money... i swear i will go on a mad rampage... jz coz im the eldest doesnt mean i cant have ne dreams... it already sucks that i have to do a part time degree. ever since i have been in primary school, its always been my dream to go to australia to do my degree... i have envisioned that day from the age of 10. though i used to chuckle to myself and think that its a miracle that i make it pass the o's since my mum only had 3 credit passes.


i had to forsake that dream coz it will make the family financially crippled. and furthermore, eldest child... still have the brother. n the sister. haiz. haha... seriously it will depress me if i cant go there at all... even for a yr... haiz... tears for unknown reason are welling in the eyes and rolling dn... insane me...sum1 gt me a gd psychiatrist plz. i really need 1.

i have screwed calculus... the test i mean. i know it damn well. after which, suhaila didnt feel like staying on for lecture and was planning to ciao.. hypocritically i told her nt to and after thinking abt it, decided to skip lecture. this is the 1st lecture i have skipped after a long time. was heading towards tb when we saw aiman at the bus stop... bitched for 45 mins... after poly days, tts the longest i have bitched with aiman. after which, walked to the mrt... seriously no mood to go home so early...tb was boring... so headed to raffles place n walked dn to city hall... talking abt the past... making plans.... planned on pulling a surprise visit on the brother bt gt carried away taking photos.


today... met hisyamz... go walk walk.. talk talk... brought him back to tpjc... lepak-ed with nadia... n then later, meeting anusha... miss her... fnt seen her for a mth... i miss being mentally challenged... n hearing some1's else differing views... i have tons of friends who agree or wont have any comments... bt sum1 whom has a completely diff angle of it... so far, other than anita, no1 else. sianz. its nice to know some1 whom u can talk and argue evrythng with. so far, i met only 1 person whom is now outta my life. perhaps that was what attracted me? i dunno... oh well... later.

hmm... im considering taking taekwondo classes to occupy my sundays. bani is taking her class there too.. so doesnt sound like i will be lonely... but they have been doing it for some time... so yeah... consider consider. bt most prob i thnk i will be joinin. i thnk. gonna run it thru with the momster. if she freaks or she says okie. hate maths la. forcing myself to do it. haiz sianz. jan 18, im waiting for u eagerly like a bride awaits for her marriage day. and for a girl who had unprotected sex awaiting for the period which appears to be late. keke... i noe... such wrng comparisons. keke.. oh well. this are the only 2 which shot out pretty randomly. heh. outz.

complex numbers just plain suck la. haiz. watched enchanted today. was okie... abt love and stuff like those. funny la. haha. such complicated stuffs. dont wish to thnk abt it... haiz calculus sucks the most. shld have applied for the exemption. stupid me. wanted to take it... n now hating it and forcing myself to take it.. cld have jz taken physiology of the body so later on i can take the yr 3 modules when the 6 mths breaks come.. or clear the driving.sian, bad planning on my part. oh well...


happened to meet an old primary sch fren. whom is gonna complete her degree nxt june... mite meet her soon... hopefully.. oh well.. ciaoz.

i have officially resumed as the advicer for my mates. n im glad they are getting to know girls. n im glad i can help them the best being a 1) girl, 2) a close fren for yrs. its funny ar... how very easily i uds these guys. tts why i easily gt close to them.like wt shida told me... i will always be friends material and nth more. haha, i rather be friends with them... like wt i tell ppl... why fall in love, then break up or gt married. then a yr or several yrs later, decide u guys cant be with 1 another, then divorce... being stupid kan... waste time, waste money, gt urself stressed n confused n hurt. for wt fuck? rather u be single, getta noe alot of ppl, have alot of contacts and be happy. period.


brother is otw home... kinda relieved and glad that nth bad happened. was a lil worried at the back of my head which i kinda shrugged off. tgif. another end to the wk of dec. another 3 more wks or so to xmas n 4 wks to ny... cheerz.

well as i always feel, maths sucks... yest he said a term which sounded like courtesan to me. wth. tml is friday. the brother is back! yippee... n end of 1st wk of dec... seriously why do life scientist and chemists need to noe abt real number and complex numbers and differentiation and intergration. logarithms, we have a purpose... exponential, yes we do.. bt differentiation.. wth... the only differentiation im interested in is stem cells differentiation... i dont give a damn abt dy/dx or sin x or x cos x. jeez. i so detest maths. n sadly, no cute bus driver. sianz.


basically im eagerly countin dn to the end of yr and jan 16 in eager for the end of calculus. for me to do chemistry. then in march, bioinformatics... perl, and BLAST and databases.. all the it stuffs that i have some knowledge in due to the internship. dunno whether we will be taught programming.. which suddenly i feel like learning.. for fun. after which stuffs which i dig like genetics and molecular biology... background knowledge all there. so shld be okie.. jz revising the theory n all... nth that tough i think. or concept that i might be unfamiliar.. links shld be there. actually, i cant wait for immunity. coz its interesting. and physiology. though i still hate schooling in the evening,its better than not schooling at all...

oh n the world is too small la... nadia knows saiful... saiful is frm lpd in ritz... nice how the world is sooo small.. n that i always have some link there or here back in ritz. aitez. tts all.. back to full time slackin. cheerz.

i just wanna dance with you...=)


i saw stars for the 1st time in singapore... nt 1 or 2... bt 4 or 5... which is something for me... coz i rarely see stars here... the last i saw a splendid constellation was when i was 15... nz... mervyn, stuart, elaine n myself juz sat on a bench gazing at the stars... talking abt random stuffs.


and i still wanna dance with you.... =) happiest period in my life... hopefully by god's grace, it will remain this way. and 2008 will be the best yr. no, its nt a guy..... its jz somesort of my old carefreeness and optimism... i miss being that way. n im glad im back to the old days. welcome back to earth shankeri. =)

i should really be studying now.bt seriously i dont feel like studying. maths that is. its like dragging a sportsman to a play... this doesnt include ppl like timothy tan or magesh whom enjoys both side of the world. these men as i claim are the cultured,refined gentlemen. ppl whom i shld be interested in as per shahdon. to fit the so called cultured side of me. jz coz i enjoy the performing art and just coz i use words that are of a higher standard than the others doesnt make me cultured. i swear profusely. that is definitely not cultured... coz afterall, a lady aint supposed to swear right? that's a very narrow minded and sexist ideology i believe.


i miss the performing arts. as in being part of a production. the euphoria on d-day. and on final clap... nth beats it... okie... maybe the euphoria of being in love might. which is kinda played down when u get into this big bombastic argument which just seems so stupid to have occured in the 1st place. and all the anger and sadness u feel. bt yes the euphoria of being in love. i kinda do miss it. its a feeling that i have not been able to replicate. its like a wham of mega happiness slammed onto you. i guess love is love and hanging out with close buddies is plain lepakin as i lovingly call it. which is what my brother is gonna do in bintan. the lucky fella. whom apparently thinks i shld have went onto a jc instead of a poly. truthfully, i wont give up my experiences for nethng. it has made me wt i am now. i believe i have went thru the experiences of maturing.

i noe its too early to make new yr resolutions. bt the resolution that i have made is to drop that ego of mine when showing emotions associated with love and care and concern. i have a hard time voicing out my concern for ppl i love coz apparently some sort of weird thinking in me deems such projection of emotions as a weakness or dependency on them. will i be devastated if nethng happens to them? yes i will be... truly, i will plunge into a form of depression. its this so called emotions that i wanna block out. tt i will be alright without them. which apparently i am not gonna be. if nethng happens to my parents, i thnk it wont be that severe.


bt when it comes to ppl like usha or my brother... yes, i will bawl for days... i grew up with them... i love them more than nethng in this world. i dont feel this way for nebody else except for these two.. nt even my own sis. usha is the sister of mine who means tons to me. shankaran is the irritating brother whom i hated when i was young bt grew to love over the yrs. his so called funny ways of protecting me. he thinks i dunno bt i noe he has done his fair share of telling those unwanted admirers of mine to stay away frm me. haha. cute yt sweet. well as i always say, im blessed with a great family and great friends. thank you all for everything. and if i have hurt you in any way which i am damn sure i have with my bluntness, i am sincerely sorry. now if i can figure out putting dn my pride and ego to apologize to my parents for the mental stress and torture i gave them this yr, it will be a perfect end to this yr. n im awaiting for that end. which i am damn sure i can do. cheerz.

december is here. hmm... see all the chocolates and turkeys being sold. saw this cb pamphlet and they have this cake with toblerone in it... heh. ryt... im home alone. no parents, with a test to study for. sianz. oh well... studies come 1st. n i heard sumthng tt kinda did make me surprised as well as awed. have a classmate whom is 24 and her husband is more than 10 yrs older than her. currently she is pregnant with her 1st child. surprised coz its more than 10 yrs. and awed coz its a huge gap. wonder how they got together... bt cool. haha. aitez. back to calmaeth and studyin.

for like the 1st time in the past few mths, i had some sort of an adrenaline rush when i saw this cute chindian guy... jz too bad, he is the bus driver. haha. n i need a-maths tuition. haha... i thnk mite ask the brother. when he is at home. and when i do get to see him. he is sooo in love... which is so sweet... hopefully this time arnd he is serious... afterall, i still believe that players do change.elvin ng is 1. 4 yrs with christina. wow. n talkin abt qin kun, alwin is seriously A sotong still.... haha... idiot asked me whether i was married... do i even look married.... jeez. sotong sotong. n hopefully we getta meet. ravin is in love? tt i dunno.. bt its the season ar...


arnd feb, all will get attached then arnd august to october, most will break up... haha... love is in the air... keke. maths just sucks. haiz. need tuition like badly. hmm calmaeth nightmare again. the so nt user friendly maths assignment portal... a revival of the stats nightmare. oh n the parents are seriously so in love or sumthng... no arguments or quarrels the past few mths. nice. peace at last. and they are taking several trips to msia in dec itself. wow. oh and soin roshni kaur, ms singapore world. another broadrician. a classmate... 2 broadricians in the media. now who said broadrick sucks? we do have our share of media light. wait till i tell ravin abt this... bt no surprise... she is very gd looking and tall... n she can talk.. sooo yeap. its been 5 yrs man. damn fast. i miss being a teenager. n i miss my class full of guys.

nth beats hanging out with a grp of guys... jz lepak-in, get some drinks. talking, laughing... haha... i miss talkin with bj. and bryan. walking home with yin sen. getting phone calls frm ravin tellin me abt this and tt. n deepti callin me to check wts my answer for this and tt q. ah ma making fun of the pictures during history class. vallen galloring us with her artpieces and the sex talks. and franky leanin over and askin me answers durin chem class. elvin ng's teasing. being taunted by kamal,muz and ahmad as a tomboy. ravin disturbing deepti. haha... nth beats that. and nth can give us back those days. nth bt memories.

sadly or happily, no THE talk. nth at all. heh. sch is boring. no cute guys or wtsoever. gossip girl is damn nice to watch. i thnk i have a fetish for deep voices. jz gets me excited. especially those that speak in proper english with no singlish. wow. it just blows my mind.random happens to be my middle middle name. n when u have nth to talk abt, u end the post. cheerioz! oh, 2 more days to dec. happiness...=)

ola

friday was nightmare... he juz went on and on for 3 hrs without a damn break. damn shit. i uds shit frm functions.knew i was gonna hate calculus.saturday was great. met them at 1+.. had lunch.. walked to esplanade to gt the tix. then watched the play. which was spectacular and hey i realized my tamil isnt tt bad. i cld uds it. after which, we went to arab st where i saw tt engineerin guy sied... which kinda unnerved me... wah lau... why do i keep on bumpin in2 sum1 i noe evrywhere? hung out there for an hr... then he was gonna drive us back home... was near hse when i told them i dont feel like goin home, usha was gonna meet prithip..


so we decided to catch om shanti om or some movie. went to orchard, dropped usha off. headed to the pines for their friend's daughter's 1st bday party. after which, headed to sengkang to magesh annae's bestie's place for some post diwali gathering. met karpagam akka, devi periyamma and segar periyappa. see, once again world too small.. hung out there.... talk talk... then after which arnd 11, headed to tm to catch om shanti om where i bumped into robin. then the movie.... 3 hrs... haha... it was okie... nth spectacular... the best thng was the main song 'om shanti om'. the video had practically almost evry1 in bollywood with the exception of the big b and family.came home arnd 3.30. n yeah... great day... how i wish evry sat was like tt.... haha, most prob, i will gt THE talk frm the parents. im sure i have sumthng for yest. seriously, cant be bothered ar... i loved it.... aitez, outz

and its friday. the last wk of november is approachin. err i feel guilty for laughin at nadia. they were playing burnout on ps2 during lunch. yes i like the game. bt i rather learn how to play after knowing the control. n i rather play it on the psp.. i know we have tt game... nadia has apparently no sense of direction... she went head into the wall and when she had to turn, she wont really start till starting to scrape on the wall... it was hilarious to me la... coz she has her driving license... burnout is abt speeding and banging into the cars... and she didnt do either... and she kept on goin head onto the walls and pillars... it was hilarious to me n yati... n i told her no way will i gt in2 the car if she is drivin. haha...

still cant find the bag nor shoes... sian. am i too fussy or wt? hmm syamz bday party... wanna go bt none of the girls are goin... soooo still considering... its all the guys... haha... nanti, im the only girl amongst the group of all guys.. keke... weird how it didnt matter b4... n now i feel awkward... haha. oh well.. i changed. period. outz

boring... singapore is really too small... monica knows shabana whom is a primary sch friend. aiman knows eka. wth.... all my friends interlinked here and there. dunno who else is gonna come out next... its a path of discovery evryday.... hehe. i thnk i know basically alot of ppl based in the east. keke...

okie... updates... hurt my feet... gt no idea wt i did... was limping for 2 days... seems alright today.... gonna go out later with the cuzzies. helped out with the bks in the lib. fnt chatted with seyed for 2 wks? yeah. calculus seems alright... bt boring. december is in 8 days time. chipmunks movie is coming out. ravin is comin home soon... hopefully... usha is gonna go off soon... haiz... nvm... gd moments. talked with mzan last nyt.... talking abt this n tt... like old days... need to meet up with him. ana too. sidah too. 2008 is sooo near... can envision all the boys ording soon. sooo bloody fast sia... 2 yrs since graduation frm tp. nxt yr, another yr older... *gasps* keke. oh spooky thing, sayedah called me this morn n told me im in the same carriage as her though i was on the bus... haha... when i told her, she was like okie there is a girl here who looks exactly like u... mysterious lookalike. heh. i wonder, will i getta meet her. oh yeah need to meet up with tt sayedah too. n sec sch folks. ages ages. yeah tt be all... cheerz.

my younger sister claims im acquiring pretty weird habits. okie, perhaps im listening to some old songs so wt? she claims i have lost my childish approach. hmm... have i? i doubt so. i just disconnect myself frm such activities. somehow i can sense i have changed. more even tempered. usual things tt will make me flare,im handling it with patience. a sudden or rather eccentric thought of heading to india. jz to my ancestor's hometown. no idea why. voiced it to my dad and he told me, okie, take leave... u want, u go dn... after which logical thnkin hit me, priorities are studies and driving. and perth. told him, after the degree perhaps. even lost my ability to curl up with a gd book. its been ages since i read. how time used to fly, curled up on the sofa, twirling my hair in my finger and just visualizing the story. reality came to a standstill and seriously i would not know what happens in my surronding. now, my attention span is pretty short... cant seem to read nethng without falling asleep. tt includes the notes. heh. i guess its jz too boring? the only thng still left is the ability to talk and talk, dance newhere n netime, sing and hang out with friends n of coz the beloved music. wldnt noe how i wld survive without music and dancing.

goin onto yr 2.this being the last yr 1 module. how time has flown. end of d yr is jz arnd the corner. 2nd last wk of november b4 december beckons u. can sense the xmas spirit with decorations and such being put up. the thing i look forward to is ravin comin back, hangin out with neha,def hangin out with deepti and of coz, our special get together. i thnk its time i contact all those old mates whom have drifted apart due to the different schools and new friends. n yes im looking forward to the end of 2007. why? brings me closer to perth. perth excites me. a new enviroment, new friends, new school.... thus i hope the yr 2008 speeds along as fast as 2007 ran along. n hopefully i find sumthng interestin in this job coz boredom is hittin me full force and its becomin a drag to head to work.it shld. afterall, i will have actual work to do nxt yr. if the cost and evrythng works out, gonna start planning everythng nxt yr. n then deciding when to quit. thank god, my parents support my decisions. they both agree it will do me some gd.n with this, i will end this literary essay. heh

went over to anusha's place yest. saw big aatha. hung out there talking. her brother joined in the conversation and wow, i realize he is such a big tamil movie buff which is like mega cool. tts the 1st time i have spoken to him n yes singapore is too small.... ebi is a distant relative. wth. left arnd 7.45pm. aatha was like pretty hesitant abt it. she wanted ramu maama to send us back bt both of us told her its okie... walked to the interchange n realized tt we cldnt see 51 stand there so walked to blk 302. the 1st stop after the interchange which happens to be siva's blk i thnk. haha... wt an irony. n yes 51 reaches hougang central in less than 30 mins ar. mega fast ar. cool.

was talkin to usha and i realized im blessed with great friends. those who dont discourage me and encourage me and are like a pillar all the time. frm my cuzzies to relatives.heh. goin onto another bugging topic.


when u need to take a particular bus, it will bloody never come. and when you dont need it and need some other bus, that bus will be the only 1 u see ar. hmm... n nowadays i realize this... i see alot of ppl i noe on the streets. some sort of growin up? hmm another 1, when u go to a performance or play or even a movie, when u are seated in the middle, u will always end up arriving later than those seated in the aisles. the way of life? i thnk so.

n after a long time, im updating. i thnk after poly days and ritz, this is the 1st time i didnt blog for 4 days. well lets see, i believe i have blown the 1st exam. i thnk. had a memory block. well cant blame me... all the mechanism were memorized... nt much practise questions... so i aint surprised. and yes, the hols mood. cant blame me ar... having too much fun... u thnk i wanna sit dn n study. bt its okie... i wont be tt affected... n perhaps im too cocky bt my heart tells me i will gt a borderline pass.... its nt like i didnt put in the effort ar... i did... jz nt seriously... n i didnt put in much focus. if i do fail, well there is a 1st for evrythng.... sooo yeah... part and parcel of life.... will be the 1st subject i have failed since poly days.

other than exams, life is great. was lookin thru my friendster profile and i realized that my family and friends play an important part in my life... u can see it... the foto, the comments.. err watched yaadein yest... wasnt spectacular nor heartwarming like k3g or kal ho naa ho... bt its sweet... wld i do tt? nah... i guess in tt area, im a lil foolish coz if i listen to my parents and family, i cld have saved myself frm stress and heartpain bt hey im an independent soul who loves her freedom and isnt willing to give it up for ne1. lesson learnt. haha... err i miss the chinese poly mates... ppy, timo,ian,terry,ym...

suddenly i feel like talking to timo. dunno why. i miss hearing his views. though they were contradicting mine most of the time, it was interesting... haha, the only guy fren whom i have spoken abt religions and child rearing and parenthood. dont ask me why... it juz came out. while we were doin our project reports or chatting online or jz hangin out in sch waiting for the next lessons. haha. oh well. enough talkin boring nonsense. outz!

ola...halfway thru nucleophillic aromatic substitution. this concludes the synthetic chem and onto the organometallics which is easy since its jz revision till catalysis. wanna take the day off on wed n thurs so tt i can do some last min muggin... look thru the notes n make sure im 100% sure of the notes. aitez. onto the main entry...

supposedly divorce rates have went up in singapore... frm 3 in a 1000 marriages in the 1980s i thnk to 8 in a 1000 marriages currently... seriously still seems like a small amnt. haha... n its weird to me since aint most marriages nowadays based on love... we rnt matchmade like before. we meet the person in school or work or thru some common friends, getta noe 1 another, fall in love, are in courtship for some years... for some, this might last up to 10 yrs... then decide to walk down the aisle... so why the breakdown? heard this show on 968fm. apparently they claim that once couples go into marriage, expectations increase and thus due to the lack of compromising in couple, marriage tends to breakdown.


a man whom is apparently still awaiting the divorce claims women have lost the tolerating ability. a woman claims that nowadays men are atrocious and stray out of marriage. so whom is to blame? another counsellor states that equal education has lead to women being egoistic that they are earning too and that women are more than willing to upgrade themselves while men dont thus leading to a higher salary etc.


perhaps the higher education is the main cause of the increasing rate. back then, women were supposed to be toiling in the kitchen and their words were not given much regard. and for now, we are educated. we see the world equally like the guys and not through a kitchen window or a house window like before thus this leaping into the open world might lead us to pretty much stand up for our rights. men pretty much have not changed. there are still many mcps pretty much still alive n kicking. they want a woman to cook and clean and entertain them in the night. i dont think i have met many guys who like the idea of me speaking my mind. it even affects my parents so yeap. and the very sad thing abt these mcps is the fact that its something learnt most probably from their own mother. sad innit? so perhaps its true women are the main cause of enmity. n yes going back to the bible. it was due to eve that adam was punished by god too innit?


women losing their tolerating ability? nah, i thnk its bullshit... there are still those who tolerate all the shit due to love. for the kids. or else there wont be news of wife being abused etc etc ryt? nor will there be ppo's issued. they are tryin to make the marriage work there i thnk. if nt why ppo, just apply for a divorce. get it over and done with. why be with a guy who hits u? so yeap. interestin topic though. wonder wt is the govt gonna throw into curb this so called increasing divorce rates. haha... more counselling? haha... money for making the marriage work out for 10 yrs. media focus on couples whom have been together for 25 yrs? haha... n the best. a campaign with a corny name... perhaps.. happy marriage campaign? heh. n today i learnt there is such a thing known as pap convention. wt a day of enlightment. aitez outz.

lets see... friday was amara attai's place. yest was my place. afternoon had manshya baby over... she is soooo mega cute.... heh... have her recording of some nursery rhymes. will load it when i have the time n mood. then the rest came over for dinner minus sashan. bt nvm... gt closer to mohven.rajini akka n magesh annae came in late. so yeah hung out for awhile.tml supposed to be geetha's place bt i doubt we are goin. or rather im goin.left with venny periyamma hse alone for me.


have to study. thursday is the exam. maths 1040 timetable seems gd. break over xmas n ny. sat is normal 2 to 5 classes. alryt to cope with i guess... n its hello to the so nt user friendly calmaeth and hello to my vulgar vocab. i thnk. usha is goin end of jan. haiz. gonna miss her man. bt nvm... its jz a few mths or a yr max. i will be goin to perth newae. n im sure we can gt to meet like once a wk or mth at least. n when she comes dn here. heh. distance only matters to the mind, nt to the heart. she is still my sister. n the sister whom i wish was mine. heh.
aawwww.......keke. aitez outz... gonna mug.

my nephew. sashan jeremiah. heh. cutest thng for me now. hehe. he is a hyperactive boy who hates to sit dn quietly. thnk gotta do with the gemini thng. heh. yest was nice... surprised i had duit diwali since im workin n all... bt hey. im still a kid okie. haha. hmm didnt see manshya baby though. n damn im old. haha.. gt nephew oreadi sia... im an aunt. wth. n this magesh annae says i can gt married since i love babies as i was carryin this boy arnd the hse... cute wt... n nice wt babies. i love babies bt tt doesnt mean i am ready to have 1 on my own... too much work n responsibility. its jz the so called girly side kickin in. oh n check out feez's socks.

nice ryt... hehe... found it mega cute lor.b n lastly my fav fotos for yest.

this is of coz feez n me. heh. behind is my brother. notice the color difference. its our pun btw us. this is my brother bt we dont have the same color. evil bt we use tt line since young.

some of the cuzzies... from left: geetha, anita or rajini akka,usha,me n bani... she looks like amara attai.. perhaps its coz of the saree...dunno why those who are arnd our age like the idea of sarees. i only volunteered to tie for anita's wedding. coz of amara attai. tts all. heh n oh yeah mukhtar annae came over. i last saw him when i was 14 or 16. now im 21 n he is 26. keke. he taught us the many ways of entertainin ourselves with those sparklers n of coz they were dangerous ways too. outz.

heh. guess the love is there. or else i wont have gt wt i wanted yest. no qs asked. jz a okie come. heh. i love baking. the whiskin of em together... foldin in...mixing... pourin it all in n baking... nt like cookin... so troublesome, gotta cut, chop,grind,stir etc etc...so much work. heh. aitez outz.

shankaran is in love or is attached. heh.signs are soooo obvious. heh. the 18 yr old thng to gt attached. see tons of it yr in n out. haha. shiok to wake up damn late. then jz bum at home. never did it after i started workin. heh. hmm... i still fnt bought baju deepavali. muz go buy. like i gt so much time oso. a day more. well tml after work, hit tm i guess... shld have sumthng i can find gd. worse come to worse, after which go to pp or bugis. bt im damn sure i can gt sumthng in tm. n knowin me, i wont give a damn abt the price... like means muz have. oh well. outz.

chitty chitty bang bang jz rocked. the set was beautiful. the car was cool. the kids were damn gd. the dancers n the music. excellent. worth the moolah.... loved the songs which gt u tappin alng... rufi was laughin tons. i had a nice day yest.. cemetary was fun to me too... i know that sounds morbid. bt i had a nice time talkin to my brother and juz watchin ppl. yeah i noe.. of all the places, cemetary. saw how some graves or tombs were in derelict. some were well kept. n ryt next to grandpa's is this guy by the name of mahen whom apparently was frm ritz and interestingly he shares the same date of birth as my grandpa. haha. wherever i go, ritz carlton is there to haunt me. interestin.


and in the night, i just walked back home in the rain... ppl were running n gettin shelter... i walked in the rain.. cldnt be bothered... it was so nice to gt wet.the splattering of a rain drop on u... on ur face... ahhh... nth beats it... the lightnin in the sky. yeah i have a foolhardy wish to die. heh. and i seem to be gettin hooked to ride it by jay sean. heh. nice. n he is hawt. haiz. gimme a guy like tt and hey he will be my no 1 priority. heh.

morning... woke up at 5+ on a sunday morning... a 1st after some time. went to the cemetery to go visit my grandpa's tomb. miss him. bt too overcrowded. devi akka, kumar maamaa,rajini akka, mages annae,me,gaya,naviin n nevain,sham n pretti were all the grandkids there. n add on the adults. nearly 20 ppl. in 1 small area. so yeah. was there arnd 6.45am... washed his tomb... then yeah went with my uncle to his dad's tomb which oso makes him my grandpa. then went to rajini akka's uncle's tomb so makes it my uncle. nenek and granduncle. so yeah... n today the place was packed. so many ppl. some shit abt the 5th day or wt... still dont uds it... wont uds the concept la. its jz not logical to me. like as if other days, the offerings wont be accepted like tt.


saw some prayer thngie goin on... n sum idiots dancin... typical tamil ppl behavior. somethng abt a god for the cemetery or wt... another uncle said it is an evil spirit. entah. dont wish to analyse it too... interestin though... so many tamil ppl...n yeah, my family is the noisiest and the biggest la. n oh yeah assorted color. heh. nice to stare at. oh yeah.. i fnt studied yt... die. aitez outz.

idiot of brother poked me... idiot. jz coz i guessed his gf's name n told anita... alryt... done with the damned report. sian. cldnt do it to my satisfaction. so i aint tt happy with it. bt i dont have the time. still have the quiz to study for. procrastinatin coz i have tons of free time. haiz. hate it. i jz never learn. n the quiz is on monday ar.n i thnk i have done like a few slides. its chiongin frm sat to monday. sian. n i still want to bake more..=) oh n anita wants me,surin,geetha n shankaran to go clubbin with her. she wants usha too.. hehe. now how interestin is tt. nnnnn.... syamz n seyed, terima kasih for evrythng. kesian u 2 for standin my mood swings. sorrie la babe. my curse to be born as a girl.

heh. been hearin the kannai vittu kan song since last night. gettin too addicted to tt song... heard it when i went dn to tekka.. n sumhow it reminds me of this english song bt i cant seem to gt the bloody name ar. irritatin. ways the lyrics are nice.. n im gonna have it saved here so tt i can see it when i look thru all this. n yes with the exception of seyed and me and my cuzzins, no1 is gonna uds this. yes, its my trial of bein a tamil girl. i mean appreciatin the songs n movie la.. n nt bein critical of it. tryin my hardest ar. still cant stand the thnkin though. hehe.


kannai vittu kan imaigal vidai kettaal
kanngal nanaiyathaa?
ennai vittu un ninaive nee kettaal
ullam udaiyatho?

etho etho enthan
idhayathai ahluthiyathe
atho atho enthan
uyiraiyum koluthiyathe

entha oru inimaiyum
ennaku indru kandathilai
ennum enna piddivatham?
unnai vittu thaana thaani
pathai ondru ennagu illai
ennidathil en kobam?

pothumadi intha thollai
en manathu thaangavillai
ennum enna vin mounam

and its a repetition of these. the direct translation will be sumthng like this and my tamil isnt perfect ar. i fnt done all this shit for ages.


If the eye leaves the eyelids and ask it questions, wont the eye gt wet?

If u ask the memories of u frm me, wont my heart break?

Something has pressed my heart


and that something has burned my life


I have never seen any happiness in my life before you, so why this obstinacy?


I dont have a path without you so why this anger?


cant take this pain anymore, why this unnecessary silence?

and yeah... this is it.. tried my best. hehe.. nt so bad. my tamil is still there. aitez out.

1st nov... ooo n im amazed at my lack of discipline. the time taken to write this entry should be the time taken to clear the report. bt unfortunately the brain is dead. im having another major headache juz like yest n to make matters worse. somehow i started sneezing in the evening thus leadin to a flu like syndrome.. of all the time to be catchin 1, when i have a major report due tml... and looks like i have to cancel goin out tml evening the way its goin since im unable to finish it.

had a weird fone call today... dunno whom it is... bt its weird to have calls where ppl dont say a word... call and dont say a word wtever for? this is the 2nd time in a yr gt this type of a call. weird ppl. okie... i cant take it nemore... head is really hurtin a bitch. n the respi system is fucked. wtf. screwin me up when i have a fuckin major deadline to meet. cibaidelic luck. woot. and have i invented a new word or wt? =)

woke up with a terrible headache. knew i cldnt go to work... so yeah took the day off.. n baked. heh. i love baking. the smell of dextrination. i cant remember whether its tt term. i thnk it is. mum was talkin pure nonsense. asked me how is ravin n all.. n askin me how come he doesnt contact me.. silly woman. if he is in london, how to contact? she has decided that im gonna marry ravin... dunno where the hell she plucks all the theory frm... if i can do tt, woah. nice. bt i pull out dumb theory abt sch work. heh.


told her feb 2009 im joinin uwa... confirmed. n both of them said okie. find out how much it costs n all.heh. happiness... stayed at home, disturbed my mother... then when the small pest came home, argued with her in english and tamil. yeah i realized its time i start speakin in tamil too.normal stuffs... laugh. laugh... disturb 1 another... n bake... miss the mass bakin at granma hse... those were the days. sucks i cant spend sunday evening there coz of chitty chitty bang bang... last time with usha... im gonna miss her sorely during family gatherings. miss grandpa too. n this is nice... 1stly, syamz came online, then seyed, then raja n now ammar. heh. all the poly guys. err tt be all. outz!

its such a beautiful day. err seyed, thanks for that article last night or rather this morn. it is gd. and din, thanks for spending ur bday evening talkin to me crap. haha.err u still gotta try harder to irritate me or give me a bad impression. so far, still thnk ure a nice guy. haha. today is aizuddin's bday i thnk. yeah i thnk so. hehe. nice sia. 1 din after another din.


n ravin, my best buddy ever. nxt yr makes it 9 yrs man. haha. cant wait for december. tml makes it nov kan? hehe.. a mth. end of d yr is comin soon... n nxt yr, we all turn 22. haha. n this time, we better meet up. yeap. n hisyamuddin, quit worryin will u? im perfectly fine. i have u guys man. wt else do i need? u guys are the best gift to me. n im thankful for all of u... frm su to ravin to u. and of coz la, anusha.


n my own brother. he jz cracked me up so early in the morn. idiot seriously noes how to irritate me early in the morning by puttin food infrnt of me... makin me wanna vomit and then making so much noise while eatin. idiot. bt still i love him. can say he is the best brother for a mcp la. haha. dunno wt i will do without him at times. guess evrybody has their own sisterly-brotherly bond goin... like how he will save my arse and i save his arse. n how he loves to irritate me n i will purposely irritate him. this will be only for awhile... nxt yr, his A's n im sure by december, he is enlisted. haiz. im gonna miss him badly. n oh yeah, perth. who noes, by then, i might be preparin to head to perth.n i badly wanna go dn there n study. workin n studyin is cool bt i want the uni experience... n i wanna get away frm the hse for awhile. be responsible of myself and experience freedom with no ctrl.hehe. lookin 4ward to nxt yr like eagerly. heh.

its interestin to know that i have been two timed and lead on. wow. seyed, u were right. hmm haha.. wtever la.. i hope u had your time. thanks for all the memories. and wasting my time. oh n i hope u dont two time her too. i aint angry. i aint even upset. its a waste of time crying coz of wt u did. oh well... ishak is 100% better than u... tts for sure... i shld have went after ishak. if he was an arsehole, at least he wldnt have done things to hurt me. this is just makin me move on even easier. after the anger blows. which is nt so bad. n u are right.. i deserve so much better... a guy who treasured me for wt i am and didnt expect me to change. oh well... i hope ure happy with wt u have... coz i am definitely happy that this ended the way it did. oh yeah, im sure u noe wt karma is... so gd luck with it aitez.

i hate you sivakumar. you really did lead me on didnt you. its a bloody fuckin game to u innit. yeah i was fickle bt i did not have any fucking intention of leading you on. if it felt that way, it will have been due to my ficklemindedness and indecisiveness regarding this whole whirlwind of a relationship. i knew i loved u. this is bloody payback innit.


fuck, wts the diff btw u n the others? haha. if seyed lead me on, then what u did is worse than what he did. he treated me as a friend. bt you? argh... why the hell did i bloody meet u. i seriously hate u. thank you for fucking givin me the hopes and then asking me to wait and then decidin to get attached with chitra. i hope ure happy now. when i was bloody gonna move on, u had to bloody call me and ruin it for me. no guy has ever made me cry and you have done it more than any other guy will ever or can. argh... remember the 1st time u told me u aint like the rest of the hotel guys'. reality check darling, you are! and you are a big hypocrite for nt realisin it. u have just made me realized why issit that i never wanted a relationship... coz of arseholes like you. i never wanna hear frm you or see you ever in my life.

and for that friend of his who reads my blog. i seriously hope you dont go n tell him nemore of wtf is happening in my life coz its none of his business. if u wanna carry on reading, its ur wish n prerogative. if u wanna stop, aint no loss for me. bt he doesnt have the fucking right to noe ne shit abt me. im nt gonna privatise my blog or friendster profile coz of him coz its stupid and i really dont give a fuck whether he reads this and gets hurt oso. coz i will always remember this... a guy who really played me well. haha. now i feel like a fool. evrythng was a farce. argh.

this has juz ruined evrythng for me. perfect.

its a v small world. eka n joce noes siva. n joce noes bani and siva and faris. perfecto ar. n she agrees, its so impossible to believe there is sumthng bt the signs shows there is sumthng... hmmm... hehe... this 1 is tak habis. azza noes christabel. small world again. hehe... im either too friendly or singapore is too small. hehe. n they both agree he is cute. he is cute bt too short for me. a guy arnd my height. boring!


n i had nasi lemak today. heh. happiness. went over to eka n su's place. had fun. was 'forced' into cam-whorin..didnt take much persuasion though. a lil. hehe. had fun today. n the person who wanted me to wait decided that he doesnt need me to wait so yeah. some sort of revenge? dunno n doubt so.. bt wteva la.its move on time. n now its 1205am... so dinesh kumar, happy 21st bday! n err see, i remember ur bday. oh, gt a gf soon... no guy can become wise without havin 1. heh. n tt will be all. end of october is comin. a mth more before december... i so love december...=)

Since the day I got to know you..

I started to feel as though my dreams came true

Everything became so right

Everyday was incomplete without you

How should I tell you..

that my life is incomplete without you..

that my dreams won't be true without you..

that every breath i take is inclusive of you..

that my life starts and ends with you..

How do i tell you that..

~I LOVE YOU~

err okie. i wanna eat nasi lemak. ages since i last ate it. mum hasnt made it yt. all it needs is grandma's sambal with the nasi and ikan billis... haha. all this craving. i wonder are they gonna be as bad and random as this if im lucky enough to be pregnant? hmm, pity whoever is the unlucky other half. heh.


aitez, deirdre thnks flirto is in love with me. haha... funny la.last prac. it jz rocks. reports due soon. 4 of em infact. sian.


was walking towards the bench when i realized that the bunchter flask has yt to be washed nor disconnected frm the vacuum. left hand was gloved bt right hand wasnt. holding the flask, pulled the hose out sloshin the filtrant onto the hand. after 1 sec, i shrieked in a high pitched voice that i am gonna die and ran to the sink. su and wan rou jz laughed la. okie, i was slow... bt it jz hit me i had acetone, concentrated acid and wts nt in tt flask la... so i panicked and started shriekin im gonna die. keke. it was cute of me to do tt. bt yeah i panicked... haha. okie, last lec on tues. cant wait. aitez outz

okie. i started the day happy, crashed in the evening and somehow seems alright now. jz dunno watta expect next.

1)
Siva: 'Hey that guy left his clock behind'
Raihan: *face full of question* 'That guy left his cock behind?
Siva: *Burst out into laughter*... 'clock' and laugh and laugh
Raihan:*blushes*

2)
okie now the bummer part. though the circumstances seems like i have been lead on, i know i havent. coz i know no1 knows him better than i know him. i wasnt disappointed abt tt or being told to wait. what hurt me most is the casualness that was used to inform me about the hanging out with the colleagues and what he was doin as he was on the phone with me. that hurt me alot. i never have expectations on any1. coz i hate it when ppl have expectations on me. unfortunately, somehow, i had them on him. n now im hurt and disappointed. more of hurt. coz that's how much it meant to me. that i cried. haiz. why i wonder. i cant explain it myself. bt yeah it juz hurts. haha. somehow i feel i am waiting in vain but there is stil the 5% confidence that it will be worth it. so i will wait. coz i dont wanna give it up.. never wanted to. i know what i want is what i see in him. bt will he make the wait worthwhile? that,time will reveal i guess. and i hope it turns out gd.


3) class, flirto lecturer struck again! he poked me in my upper abdomen and went ' u are smart ar'. wth. deirdre and shu fen told me he was leaning towards me. for me, i didnt realize it coz im used to it frm my guy frenz i guess. came out, saw the full moon.. n tts all that is needed to distract me... its just so beautiful. such a beautiful night. haiz. the moon distracted me for awhile bt it cant do it forever right? n now here i am. monday is the last day of school. exams are comin. that's wt i need to take this out of my head i guess. stupid me. bein so emotionally affected. haiz. i hate this.

boo! err okie... today is mokhtar's bday... so happy 28th bday! err ure old... hehe.. err hopefully u get married soon. haha. saw beevi aunty last night... hmm walked arnd with usha n anusha... name oso so rhymin... attitude n interests oso so alike...as usual.. place full of indians who have nth better to do than to talk cock and stare.irritatin sia.tts why i hate goin dn there alone. somebody told me i look like her cousin... and she is the storeowner's daughter... they stared at me with amazement... now this is spooky... u mean there is some1 whom i look like or looks like me?


aitez... invigilation... rocks ar... i did an english paper, learned a lil c maths. today, evrythng finishes at 3pm. i thnk.. unless they want me to cover the lib. err sch ended at 11pm on wednesday... stupid timetable tryin to squeeze a 6hr lab in2 3 hrs. err stu left for tekong. i thnk the last 1 in the 86 batch? so far those whom i know are all in.oh, shankaran, u officially fail in my creative person club... =)

done with the lab report that is due today. unfortunately or stupidly dont have the other 1.. thus i dunno where i stopped off for the other 1. sian. i lazy to bring the laptop to work. it weighs a ton for me and err i dun fancy carryin it to tekka tml. n wth... these past 2 mths, i have been there twice oreadi.. which is more than i have ever went there for the past 5 yrs... after sec 4 n the cessation of tamil as a bane in my education life, i have nt stepped foot into that 'wonderful' nightmare.


sleeply as hell... n its soo nice to sleep here... with the aircon now suddenly workin. miracles do happen. all i need is my thick blanket and i can sleep. n i have to study oso.. perhaps will head out n study... god.. went to yati's place for lunch. nice crib sia. i like the way the hse is... seems nt so cluttered.. n sumhow i feel my hse is sooo much cluttered. yeah... okie... i have another 22 more days before chem 2211's exam.... tts v fast... n i cant wait for nxt wk.. last wk of sch before the study break. oooo... ways gt this quote frm bryan's fren blog which was left by bryan himself... n yeah def its frm him... nobody beats him in all these... miss readin his essays.


“And at times the fact of his absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on.
He is dead to you.
You are alive.
So live.”

- Morpheus, Oneiromancer

n i gt no idea where is his source.. all i can guess will be some fantasy book of his. or some game. bt cool quote. or rather pretty applicable quote. aitez outz

my sister has the most irritatin prejudiced typical indian mindset woman teacher. if a teacher had called in and told my parents, i hang out with too many guys... i will have had her blood. coz i have TMTC guy frenz and i used to hang out with the guys alot even back in poly. and my dad just quietly took all this in. argh. wts wrng with all these ppl? some woman is tellin u sum sexist shit and u take it in. her wish ar. nth is wrng hangin out with guys wt. nonsense. which is why i will never tell my parents abt my guy frenz. coz i know they will freak though they wont show it. it will freak them that i can hang out with 10 guys and talk for 3 to 4 hours without feeling anything.


my classmates were bothered abt it... my guy friends were initially bothered abt it coz afterall they had the sexist attitude too which changed over the days.for me, this is nth ar. i know my boundaries. they know theirs so yeah. people will always talk ar... if im gonna worry abt all these shit, i cant survive. i know im a bitch. i aint hiding it. im that way. i dont act all pure and innocent like some bitch. its all in ur face. yes i do make use of these guys at times... bt hey, wts the pt of nt doin it when u can? its nt like i dont and wont do things for them ar.. i will. all they have to do is ask and i will see whether i can do it or nt... man, i will love to meet that teacher. then perhaps she will know why my sister is like that. coz the eldest sister is like her too. and the parents dont really care much till u come home and say im interested in this guy.. that's when all the shit starts.

sgt sardine! hehe. tts wt some girl heard instead of sgt hisyam... haha... okie... met up with hisyamuddin after 2 mths... at last sia. next will be his bday... seyed, wanna get a gift together? sit dn, talked for 2 hrs... like seriously old days... talked about the bitch.wtf is bloody wrng with her... its been 1 yr and she still thnks he has something for her. face it la bitch. u aint some hot chick aitez. n hisyam is better off without u... im really glad he chose our friendship over u...

n mizan oso... bodoh! dunno how to answer issit? this 1 confirm gonna gt it frm me. never kenna scolded by me for ages kan.n this sister of mine, wah kao...really dont use brain to think at all. cant even do her maths... haiz... mcm mane nak pass PSLE... oh god, plz help her... stress sia thnkin abt her. its humilatin sia... sister is doin her degree, brother is in njc and the sister doesnt have any aptitude for studyin. aitez... goin back to the report. im still clueless on wt to write. i seriously need some brain juice. god, please help me... 3% man... evry thng counts... i really want a high distinction. err aitez back to lab report-in. outz

i have add i thnk. cant do ne work for a long period of time... wonder how the hell i made it to a degree. hah. grandaunt told my mum tt anusha n i met yest or the day b4. wth. n both of us said no such thng. wth... where do all these women gt their sources frm i wonder. women n gossips. excellent. dunno wt to write in the report. even excellent. 2nd one, i have some idea.. 1st 1, zilch,nada. where am i supposed to gt non-existin gc,ir spec and h nmr data frm? err... will thnk of sumthng by tonight or tml i hope.

thngs to do
1)watch house
2)start revising
3)read ouran high
4)shoppin.. need to gt alot of stuffs
5)head dn to ritz to gt my cert frm diyanah n meet her. been ages.
6)contact the admin to check out possibilities,cost etc of headin to perth
7)clear up the lab... its a disorganized mess. guess can do it on a day when i dont have class.
8)meet up with syamz,sidah,ana,reeq,mzan n d sec sch ppl.

cant wait to head to perth... im hopin nxt yr, this time arnd, im there. then i will be back to a student. cant wait for tt. aitez. outz.

sneezin today. sian. wth. today's lab was alryt. nt so bad. lotsa accidents though.oh well... tml a weddin in some church. some distant relative of mine is married to an ang moh... cool. bt err aint goin. mum complained to dad abt my rudeness... err... my fault ar? u know im stubborn... n i never listen... if i say no, no ar... harp on the matter for wt? i mean it when i make my mind up.which usually doesnt take so long.dont blame me for talkin back ar. i cant stand it when u force me to do wt i dont like wt... i will sulk n make a big fuss over it.. its nt like its something new.. been doin it since im small. so wth?


saw some sec sch ppl today... hafeez and baadushah. bt didnt talk... was rushin to class... jz smiled at hafeez and baadushah. tts all.. possible uni outin nxt wk... goin out with the cuzzins and meetin syamz. n then 4th nov, chitty chitty bang bang. cant wait. n cant wait for nxt paycheck.. it sucks workin on a $100 budget. wth. im no longer in sec sch ar. for the 1st time, im dead broke. wth... i have never been broke. sian... i hate this. cant even buy things i want! err tts all. outz

met shahdon earlier... aitez.... he told me i have changed alot... and likewise to him... lookswise... n he said i have stopped swearlin like a sailor... i did? haha... for the 1st time, he said i looked vey good. haha. damn i miss our old times. aitez, he said i had helped him during his most depressed period and he infact told me one of the things i did. vaguely remember it.bt haha, its sumthng ke? hmm... well it feels like what u do for ur close frenz. or ne friend whom is in need. i dont remember wt i do ar. coz they needed my help... so i help them. or i felt they needed it... haha... okie. im glad to know i was an impact to some1 back in poly.


he is goin for a yr+... told him to be safe n tt i dont want another friend lost. phobia after isz... i rather hear abt my friends like a few yrs down the road as living n kickin than read their obituary in the news. it is shockin. and a slap across the face. it was great.. short bt great. he was shocked that i got into a relationship... haha.. yeah, of coz, im sure i went arnd tellin ppl that relationships are a waste of time. haha. oh man... shahdon, u always crack me up. aitez, tts all..

thursday.... ooo... err been seein azmi giler the past 2 days @ d mrt... su decided to be very funny and let her imagination run wild. polymates cant become friends after graduation issit? mpek. hmm flirto struck again. haiz. i jz asked so is today's lab going to take a short time and he replied with a why, you wanna spend a longer time with me issit? n i blushed ar. wth. n said... no no, i dont mean tt..dunno why i had to blush oso. bt wth, embarrassin ar... infrnt of the whole class. err wth.


yest's lab we didnt do nethng... bt i was mega slpy. still gt a boring report to churn out and i have no shit to write. excellent. parents are buggin me to take leave to head to kl for deepavali... seriously, i dont wanna go... u guys happy happy travel ar... i have sch work to complete... and my exam is nov 15... sorrie ar... i rather study... n i can bet i will have a lab report due either on friday or sat or monday.so im nt goin... yes, i will be the stubborn self... i will be self centered. for u all, easy ar... who is the 1 who has to juggle sch n work? me ar.i want to be in singapore for the hols so that i can meet up with my friends, study or do work. its nt like i celebrate it too. so yeah... no way am i headin to kl... its sound silly tt 5 of us head to kl jz for 1 person.. rather he come dn here...change of enviroment... see how diff it is... n its better he gt out of the hse oso... too many memories, suffocatin. 6 mths itself is horrible... this is 10yrs of marriage and i thnk 5 yrs of courtship... wtf... silly parents.

hisyamuddin.... ure the best friend a girl ever needs... thank u for last night babe! looks like ure payin me back what i did for u eh... hehe... bt thanks for makin me laugh in my tears.... ure always an idiot la. n u hate it when i start cryin issit? keke. haha... aitez, done with the lab report. or nearly... muz add in the errors for the 2nd part n the mpt... looks weird... incomplete is a better word.


sat up till 1 am... my dark rings are gettin darker. yeah vainity check. keke. gosh, plz dont let the sec sch ppl read this... if ne1 quotes this to me, im sooo gonna turn crimson red. haha. alryt, thursday with shahdon @ tampines.. i reckon tm... arnd 6-ish.. err siape nak ikut? so far its shahdon n moi.. tentatively ms su is joinin.... so tell me aitez... love.

1. What is more difficult:
looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
+ the latter... especially when its a confession of the heart and i dont feel the same way.

2. Think of the last time you were annoyed. Why were you annoyed?
+ err morn ar... my mum's typical mindset that a girl shldnt be goin out with guys so often. err nt all of em are couples u noe... a guy n a girl can be friends too... tt means i cant go out with my frenz issit? mpek ar

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
+ sivashankar. yeah i will call him. my brother. to tell wt i need to tell ar.

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
+ err haha... im sure this line is sooo overused... turn back time

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love?
+ trust... love without trust isnt really love issit?

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog or not?
+ err save a life ar. if nt this job, another.

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
+ haha... err unfortunately yes. my brother. haha

8. Think of the last person who you know who died. You have the chance to give
them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Would you do it?
+ isz... yeah... why nt? for him to spend 1 hr with his family. im sure the family will love it. its jz a yr of my life. haha... nt like im gonna gt nethng great outta it.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
+sure... so tt i can know wts my bad pts...

10. Does sex=love?
+ haha no... love is love... sex is sex... u dont mix both together...

11. Are you old fashioned?
+ am i? entah.

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
+ haha... sex isnt evrythng. n yeah if i love them, why nt? marriage isnt abt sex and having kids. its about companionship. having some1 other than ur siblings and parents to love,cherish and protect.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
+ im egoistic... so it will be when i love them. somehow i associate love with emotional weakness thus i dislike showin it.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?
+ hmm my beliefs. the way i tick.

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
+ the last person whom i said i loved is siva. yeap. i dont vocalize my feelings to my parents coz i doubt i love them. my brother, i show it by my actions. the small thngs i do for him.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?
+ messin with the past is nt gd bt the way it ended with siva. mayb somethng amicable. mayb i wldnt have ended it.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
+ my brother. seriously. so i can see him scared. haha... n laugh my head off.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
+ seriously im afraid of breakin sum1 ribcage. haha. bt if really no other choice ar.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
+ im nt the least close to my grandma... so it will be the newborn. if its my grandpa or a newborn, then tt will be a dilemma. i wont noe whom to choose.n basically dying hand.. so i let go ar... duh!

20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel?
+ when it involves positive emotions, like love and affection i never tell them. infact i hide it by telling i dont love them la.. i never cared for them n all tt. bt when its negative emotions,such as anger,irritation etc, i will vocalize it better than nethng. *shrugs* tts how i am. so negative emotions, its on the spot... if its those positive emotions, i really dont do it tt often...

If You had three months to live:

21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
+knowin me, i guess i will tell them just to see their reactions and then will say i was juz joking... hehe

22. What do you do with your remaining days?
+ err spend more time with friends whom matters and yeah take a trip with my brother alone. n if tt time, i had some1 i love, with him too.

23. Would you be afraid?
+ haha... mayb? i dunno... never really came to such a situation.

alryt... im back to feeling the way i used to feel before... as in that relationships are a waste of time and marriage is slavery. haha. proud of myself. aitez,the quiz is later and seriously no mood to study ar.. sian. tml lab report is due. left with the discussions, answers,and conclusion. nt so bad. err flirto doesnt seem so bad. boring topic.. like wth really was gonna fall aslp sia. bt aint so bad. he cld lecture well and he really wasnt tt sarcastic or looked dn on us. so yeah. maybe he isnt such a bad guy. well will reserve my comments till further. i never know. hmm. n im turning extra sensitive now.. i went err tt wasnt offensive or harsh kan twice n my colleague are like ure in maaf zahir dan batin period issit?


cant blame me wt... ppl have been complainin tt im too harsh n offensive. my colleagues say im too frank. entah la. maybe its the love or care. err yeah.abe ngantok skarang. eee bingitnyer... tak ape ape buat nak tidur aje... mcm dah tua. tapi dah dua puloh satu aje. hehe... n my mly isnt tt bad... chey bah.. hehe... i miss shahdon! cant wait thursday... tapi nak jumpak kat tekka... tempat tul kental sia. i pergi sane? so not me! err tts all. outz.

i was intending to finish up the lab report and the studying during the wkends. haha.. i ended up nt doing both... sat, woke up damn late. sat the whole afternoon talking with anusha. then watched tv... sat blew by... n on sunday, spend the day chatting with seyed after doing my chores. haha... n sunday blew by too... only managed to do a lil during the evening bt hey i started my report at least ar. so aint so bad.studyin now...



su send me the wall pic... hehe... soooo sweet.. its in orange... hehe... u dont have to tell me su, i noe deep down u love me... keke... tak malu sia. haha... n im happy ebi won... hehe... he is soooo mega cute... bt too bad he is younger than me. hmm new lecture with tt flirto lecturer. n i hope he lectures well n isnt mega sarcastic... im afraid his sarcarsm might gt me to retort somethng evil.. n my mum jz told me tt im sounding more n more arrogant than ever. err why issit tt evrybody says im arrogant? seriously la, i dont mean to be. i noe u guys care. bt its jz tt irritation with all the qs. n i dont mean to sound arrogant bt its unintentionally ar... haiz... sedih ar... oh well.

aitez, to all those who read this... if i have hurt u with my words or actions or wtsoever intentionally on unintentionally, directly or indirectly, im extremely sorry. plz forgive me.

today started of alryt with it turnin bad.
1) i have a lecturer who doesnt really have a student code... he whispered in2 my ear like he is my bf and even siva has nt really done that before...
2) i have a lab demonstrator whom doesnt answer my questions and has a thick chinese accent.
3)the stupid apparatus given to me jz happened to land into my crystallizin dish and caused a crack. thank god i didnt have to pay
4) su's oil bath splattered all over and created a big mess
5) practically evry1 in our laminar flow hood today was jinxed. my experiment is jz gone today
6) i ended class at 2235hrs instead of earlier and thus missed out on the tradition
7) my brother went and walked arnd the whole bazaar without me n is now slping.. i dont blame him since he is workin. bt this SUCKS
8) this year is the only year i have not went and walked arnd the bazaar and now im too shagged to walk arnd in tt crowd.

gone are traditions. haha. looks like im a fool.

neways gt this quiz frm colorquiz.com... these are my results.

Your Friend's Existing Situation
Dissatisfied. The need to escape continued involvement with her present circumstances makes it imperative for her to find some solution.


Your Friend's Stress Sources
Feels in an invidious position: that trust, affection, and understanding are being withheld and that she is being treated with a humiliating lack of consideration. Considers she is being denied the appreciation essential to her self-esteem and that there is nothing she can do about it. Disheartened by the lone struggle against difficulties with no encouragement. Feels she is getting nowhere; that, instead of the admiration she needs, she is consistently misunderstood. Wants to escape from the situation but cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.


Your Friend's Restrained Characteristics
Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life.



Your Friend's Desired Objective
Strives for a life rich in activity and experience, and for a close bond offering sexual and emotional fulfillment.


Your Friend's Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or her reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting her own way. Faulty self-control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger.


Your Friend's Actual Problem #2
Wants to act freely and uninhibitedly, but is restrained by her need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.


your friends means me... hmm.. maybe i do feel this way... dunno.

im fuckin losin it... my fav uncle called me... i answered and was talking to him and i realized this... he sounds like siva or rather siva sounds like him! god! help me plz... im losin it... this is bad.... this is very bad.... omg... im too freaked... i was almost gonna drop my fone and it was nearly at my tongue's tip. haiz... thank god, i didnt... haiz. bad sia. n i miss workin @ ritz... haiz... i miss meetin ppl.. n i miss knowin ppl. i envy shankaran for workin there. n i pity him gettin all those early taxi times. hehe... b4 i used to always gt it later coz of siva. haha... the perks i used to gt was endless coz of him. haiz... i miss him... n if ur uncle can sound like ur ex... yeah u gt it bad!

err am i pmsin i wonder... i feel like shit today... haiz... argh! leave me alone! didnt slp last night... didnt eat nethng the whole day till the mcspicy frm mac.... n yeah tts all... today is the same too... wth... the way im goin, im gonna kill myself... n i have heard man eater twice today itself... wtf... suddenly i hate tt song... haha... oh yeah its confirmed im pmsin though my period was like jz 2 wks ago i thnk... trust me, im losin track of time n dates... haha... infact if my mum didnt ask me whether im takin the day off for my bday, i wld have forgotten abt it too.... sian.. i dont wanna be doin this sia... wtf happened to the old me? the happy go lucky me whom always was fresh n alert though i didnt eat nor slp the prev day... yeah im growin old i guess.... n im coughin like an old hag... haha... need to getaway frm singapore.... fall in love with another guy... gosh... tt sounds sick comin frm me... its confirmed im losin it... n it doesnt help tt im usually crazy... keke... or perhaps i jz need to spend more time with equally crazy ppl...i have too many serious ppl arnd me... tts why its gettin to me! where are my playmates when i need them?

err was blog hoppin... went to feez's... somethng very interestin... jz gonna copy n paste.

Found This In My Email Inbox.
Why Wedding Ring Should Be Put On The Fourth Finger?

(Pls follow the below step, really god make this a miracle)

(Firstly, show your palm, centre finger bend and put together back to back).

(Secondly, the rest 4 fingers tips to tips).

(Game begins, follow the below arrangement, 5 finger but only 1 pair can split).

so this is how ur fingers shld be placed!

(Try to open your thumb, the thumb represent parents, it can be open cause all human does go thru sick and dead. Which is our parents will leave us one day).

(Pls close up your thumb, then open your second finger, the finger represent brothers and sisters, they do have their own family which is too they will leave us too).

(Now close up your second finger, open up your little finger, this represent your children. Sooner or later they too will leave us for they got they own living to live)

(Nevertheless, close up your little finger, try to open your ring finger , you will be surprised to find that it cannot be open at all. Because it represent husband and wife, this whole life you will be attach to each other).

(Real love will stick together ever and forever)
(Thumb represent parents)
(Second finger represent brothers & sisters)
(Centre finger represent own self)
(Fourth finger represent your partner)
(Last finger represent your children)

and a very observant shahdon realized the the middle finger placed back against back along with the fingers restin on the tips, if u look closely, will form a heart which inevitable translates to love... thus with love, u cant move ur ring finger... bt if love cease to exist, tts when the 'finger' moves apart.

haha... okie i miss my awak! im gonna miss him when he goes to brunei... infact i thnk yeah best we meet up alone... im sure the bond we shared is still there... i hope so... *cross fingers* aitez outz

err okie... i so love eminem... haha... fnt been hearin his songs for ages... n i realize i miss it... aitez... err okie dan and young arent as stupid and funny as the muttons bt hey they talk pretty matured topics.... okie this wk's is a guy in a relationship for the past 4 yrs and sum1 new comes in and he feels he is falling head over heels in love.... hmm i dunno what was the final thng coz my fone had to die on me... bt b4 they ended the poll, half way thru the stats was leanin on a 69% nt to end it and only 31% to end it... hmm for me ryt,

i will choose not to end it in the beginning too... coz i guess he is just bored... i mean 4 yrs is a pretty long...sometimes monotonous gets to u and yeah when some1 new comes in ur life, u feel attracted to them bt it will fade off soon... and another thng to consider is 4 yrs for a relationship is pretty long... its nt easy goin thru a yr itself... 4 yrs? tt means they really gel well... why ruin it? i will end it though if without ne1 in the pic, the feelings just fade bt tt is after i try my best to salvage it... so yeah... i guess some spice is needed.. doing some new things... pushin tt new person out of the life for awhile...


n isnt that all relationships? beginning we just cant stay away frm one another... after some time, their idiosyncracies get to us and then we gt bored with 1 another... all it needs is adding in more spice... new things to do together... haha... err this is wt i feel... others might beg to differ... bt this is wt i will do in mine... coz knowin myself... i will gt bored easily... so far the only person who has yt to bore me is siva,shahdon,seyed,din and a few others la... well siva shld be out of the list since we arent on talkin terms nemore...bt stating for the record. i wanna go for a spa retreat... go to bali... a nice massage... beach... haiz... sooo nice! n i dont have ne sch hols till nxt aug... diaoz...

m gettin hooked to his manga series ouran high dunno wt la..haha... i wanna go aussie land... i need to go threadin to gt my eyebrows done again. i need to gt a new pair of jeans and a top with some nice stilletoes... hmm need to get more covered shoes for sch too. err a new black bag. hehe. hmm yeap... life is goin on smoothly... *touchwood* evrythng will be great. alryt... outz... im happy... in bliss...=)

heard that siva is with shalini ryt now... truthfully, i am very happy. coz they both are very compatible. always felt that way. it is for the best. afterall, aint it better to be with the fren who is there with u when u cried than to be with the person who hurt u... so yeap. well i dont hate him.. coz he didnt hurt me... i hurt him... so yeah im sure he will hate me forever... bt he has taught me alot of things... alot... and for that, im very thankful and i wont 4gt the special bond we shared for 6 mths.... for him, i rather he 4gts that i existed in his life... hatred wastes alot of energy. bt i wont 4gt wt he means to me and wt he has taught me... n yeah i will change. its jz too bad we cldnt end this amicably (the spelling?) . and yeah i miss him.. tons...aitez...


i thnk im comin dn with somethng severe... bronchitis or some lung infection... i know it isnt an asthma attack... bt having a dry cough... my throat hurts... and this pain is like when phlegm is starting to build up... breathing is kinda labored... plus im extra pale and tired... seriously i feel damn fatigued.... i feel damn weak... my appetite is damn fuckin bad... i cant eat... n im damn exhausted that no matter how long or early i go to bed, i still wake up feeling damn tired... nt energized... suhaila claims we are growin old... i say, its too spooky... to su, seriously thank u for being there with me... i seriously love you for tt... thanks for tolerating my tactlessness, my directness and my harshness and thanks for being so understanding. i sincerely appreciate it...


and this goes to siva too... thank you for everythng... for helpin me get over seyed, for encouraging me and for being a friend when i felt sooo lonely and for lovin me... for teaching me, its alryt to cry... and that i can trust some1 in my life. for bringing out the best in me... haha... and im really very sorry for the way i treated u... sincerely i am... haha... this is a case of u dont miss the water till the well runs dry. its too late to regret... bt im glad u were the 1st guy i was with. for me, ure the best and will always be the best. bt nt meant for me. i still love u... its all still there.. bt i noe this is for the best.. im jz gonna end up hurtin u over n over again... and ure gonna tolerate it coz u love me... this shldnt be the way... it shld never be the way. oh well.. i noe shalini will give u the hope and inspiration and love. she will. i have trust on her. haha... aitez outz.

6 hrs of lab is freakin tiring la.... didnt have lunch too... ended arnd 6.30+ and i didnt have time to complete the last part...so i have an impure compound over there... and we have pre labs for all the lab to discuss the mechanism... haiz... i hate pre-labs... wth... now i have two pre labs to work on... haha... n all the lab demonstrator and the lecturer in charge are frm nus... hmm... nt so bad... bt its damn tiring... my parents are plannin on gettin uncle to come dn nxt wk as shankaran has work and i have lab on friday nyt... n if he comes dn, haha... sit up nyt liao.. since he is arnd... haha... tell the parents we are goin jln jln den make him walk arnd with me.. haha... yeay! so nxt wkend, might have him arnd... n i cant wait... other than tt, i will love to have a massage now... my shoulders are all so strained... ouch! n my mother has 2 guys lined up for me... was tellin me earlier... n i tuned it out... bt damn curious to noe wt type of nonsensical guy she thnks will be compatible with me.... hmm... see how... it will be bad to those guys if i can only think abt siva when im with them... so time... hmm other than tt, nth... gotta start studyin... outz

alryt... 1st wk of october is comin to an end and left with another 3 odd wks or so... then nov n then my fav mth, dec... aitez, this past 1 wk is too freaky, practically evryday im bumpin in2 sum1 i noe.... yest saw tt biotech snr who was in chem 1104 with us in psb.... err i thnk some1 else bt i cant remember whom... hmm today bumped in2 farhan and nadia engine. wed was hally... err d other 2 days, cant remember... aitez goin on, might be goin to kl nxt wk to hang out with uncle durin hari raya... there is def somethng btw bani and tt siva guy.... too fishy oreadi coz she is gettin too paranoid... n apparently there was somethng in d rap too which i didnt catch thus knowin guys, its either he is interested in her or there is already an on-goin relationship... sooo... hmm... hehe... i love this... need to find contacts in nus to dig this out... she has aroused my curiousity...hehe...


i thnk its more of a 1 sided interest.... with him interested in her.... hmm... err oh n my brother gt the job in ritz... glad to noe tt im still a valuably respected member in ritz for @ least 1 dept... err tml is the killer 6 hrs lab... cant wait for hari raya... its either visitin or kl.... hmm... cant choose.... haiz... aitez out of this place... 12 to 6 stuck in sch... on a sat... sianz... n so bloody early la... wtf... cant even slp in... there goes my sat...

haha... im regrettin my foolish game yest... well siva told me to move on.... i dont want to accept it but i dont have a choice... haha... im never gonna 4gt the foolishness of mine yest... it really wasnt ego nor playin hard to get bt more of a cheeky game of mine... i mean he kept on tellin tt he noes what i want... n yet when i told him the feelings are fadin, he can believe it.. haiz... tt 1 is called knowin wt i want issit? yes im fickle minded n indecisive when it comes to him but i will def noe when i dont love him nemore n its nt now... infact im fallin even more deeper as the time has went by... i love him more than i did in the beginning.haiz... sucks la.... sometimes i guess my games are too wrng to play... haiz...


on a sad note, my fav paternal uncle and his wife have separated and waitin for court procedures to finalise the separation... 10 yrs of marriage... a love marriage furthermore... gone coz of a stupid argument... i guess gemini and leos really do argue over stupid things with the leo startin off... haha... haiz... it was the same in siva's and my case.... and on a happier note, he has decided to come down to singapore! okie... im seriously happy when i heard tt.... coz hehe, def he will support us... keke... so cant wait.... the fact that its really over btw siva n me is a lil hard to believe bt i guess i have to accept it soon... well cant wait for my uncle to come dn... really miss him... fnt seen him since last yr... he didnt even come down for my bday... i hope my uncle comin dn will help this blow ease a lil easier... coz he is the only uncle i will tell evry single thng to. haiz... outz..

gt it frm this website....http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com

You are Red Koala who is cheerful and happy person.
You are friendly to every one, but at the same time, you are a person who doesn't want to lose, and are strong person.
You also have a very emotional side, and can not turn down favors.
You act like a big sister to every body.
You are a type of person who takes things too seriously.
You can get heated up on something, yet can quickly lose interest.
You are very sensitive to trends, but have a tendency not being able to use that advantage.

You are very passionate and emotional person.
You have lots of likes and dislikes.
You tend to act on emotional spur than by reason, and can be very nervous.
You also worry great deal, and therefore sometimes end up not being able to exhibit your talent.

You have natural instinct, and are good negotiator.
You will say things in straight forward manner, and although you tend to be a rational person, people often misunderstand you as being selfish.
This is because your ideas cover too wide aspect, and do not know where to stop.

To use this unique talent, you should find someone who is wise enough to understand and realize you.

He will lead you and draw out your talent to its greatest.
You should always try to train mentally and physically.
If you can make use of your personal interest, you may find a side of yourself, you didn't realize before.
After marriage, you will keep the house secure for your husband, and at the same time keep your own career.


interestin innit? some part of it is true i guess... esp the character part... yeap, i hate to lose.. and yeah i gt heated up fast n lose interest fast too... the big sister part... err true i guess... i tend to nag at the ppl i care abt... n yeah i always look out for my fren... n yeah i dunno how to say no to some1 who asks for a favor... usually will end up doin it... so i am complicated... haha

What Actually Love Is

Why do we close our eyes

when we sleep?

When we cry?

When we imagine?

When we kiss?

This is because the most beautiful things in

the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird

and when we find someone whose weirdness

is compatible with ours,

we join up with them and fall in

mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,

people we never want to leave behind,

but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,

it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry,

those who hurt,

those who have searched

and those who have tried.

For only they can appreciate the importance of the people

who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears

and still you care for him,

it's when he ignores you and

still you long for him.

It's when he begins to love another

and yet you still smile

and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails,

set yourself free,

let your heart spread its wings and fly again.

Remember you may find love and lose it,

but when love dies,

you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win

but those who stand back up when they fall.
Somehow along the course of life,

you learn about yourself and realize

there should never be regrets,

only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,

waits forever when you say, just a minute,

stays when you say leave me alone,

opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,

not how you listen but how you understand,

not what you see but how you feel,

and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.

Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win

but when love is true,

even if you lose,

you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone

more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone

not because that person has stopped loving us

but because we have found out

that they'd be happier if we let go.
It's best to wait for the one you want

than settle for one that's available.

Best to wait for the one you love than one

who is around.

Best to wait for the right one

because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one

who hurts you the most,

and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms

and cries when you cry

turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.
If you really love someone never let go,

don't believe that letting go means that you love best,

instead fight for your love,

that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content;

you cannot go

through life without it.