another argument, another day... n early in d day itself... there goes my sunday outta window... they have both came to the conclusion that im incompetent... compared to who else? bavani and usha... haha... seems an irony when their mother adores me. and thnks im competent and tells them see shankeri is working and studying and still doing stuffs at home... haha...


well when i heard the line, i told them go and adopt her ar.... no prob with me... no surname only what... n of coz la start all their crap... why cant u just be like her and listen to what we say n do thngs... why can she do it and u cant... err wteva la... sorrie ar, since when i listen to u all to bloody listen now? i do things my way... and ways, u guys have put urself dn as the most calculative parents on earth with ur reply on why u guys didnt send me overseas to study... usha is goin in feb.... so yeap... congratulations... n im supposed to depend on u guys to pay my sch fees? err ryt... i thnk i will have to end up droppin out of sch instead!

i want to be a full time undergraduate. okie... yeah im still considered 1 bt nth beats studyin full time... bein 6 mths in NUS for the internship actually made me realize there ARE tons of campus activites... which is damn fun la... well the stress level will be there too... bt hell the stress is easily coped too... afterall, full time student is in my opinion too damn easy... i mean how hard issit to study and pass?bein in the top is hard bt passin and scrapin thru is too easy... haiz....

i miss meetin guys and new ppl my age... i mean poly life is pretty much similar to an undergraduate life jz differin by the cert and level of complexity n I DIGGED POLY LIFE. seriously regret screwin that sem up in poly... ARGH!!! haiz... can i just get some1 to sponsor me to do this degree in UWA itself? tt 1 is more fun... no parents, no naggin... independence full force... woo hoo! haiz...


was listenin to perfect 10...dan n young had this poll thng goin on for infidelity... married couple, wife had too much drink... ended up kissin a colleague which of coz will lead to sex... came home, confessed to husband and husband now in dilemma... amongst the ppl polled... no statistics given of population, 65% of them felt that they should head to divorce. considering a population of nearly 4 million ppl, i will say the sample size for this poll will have been arnd 100 perhaps. since it was run for 30 mins. thus the sample size is kinda too small i thnk... and its interestin coz 65% is a pretty alright percentage and 987 is usually for youths... bt yeah its interestin... perhaps there is such a thng as loyalty in some relationships i guess... bt yeah, once again sample size too small to make a fair conclusion and furthermore the respondents are listeners of the radio station thus biasness is there too...

what's my response to this? hmm i will head to the divorce too.. i agree we arent perfect and all.. and forgivin is gd etc etc... bt in my circumstances, i know damn well no matter how drunk i am, i will not sleep with some other guy unless i was raped. it wont be consensual on my side thus i expect that of my partner too. so yeap. interestin poll. oh well... that will be all... and i didnt noe i gt do stats... haha...

A long time ago,
we used to be friends
But I haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again,
a greeting I send to you,
Short and sweet to the soul is all I intend.


Come on now, honey,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me
when you're good to go
Come on now, sugar,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when.


We used to be friends a long time ago.
We used to be friends a long time ago.
We used to be friends a long time ago.
We used to be friends.

lets see, some smartarse neighbor of mine whom is apparently feeling nostalgic of the gd old days of kampong lifestyle has gt a hen in the neighborhood which made a din this mornin... and made me swear... the 1st word i uttered in the morning was whatthefuck... talk abt a bad start. and yeah i was gonna wring the hen's neck if i gt it... it isnt a rooster coz this was shrill... its diff when it comes to the rooster...

and it had to bloody rain of all days... my pants are soaked... once again... on cue... wtthefuck! alright... i already laughed in d morn like no1's biz...


Mum: Does Aruna still go to school in the van?
Gaya: He uses an umbrella

cock la... my god... i just cracked hearin it... and i guess she got irritated i was laughin like a crazy idiot in d morn... bt wth... he uses an umbrella? harry potter konon? haha... and i was nearly knocked dn by a car...if it was the old me, i wld have pointed both my middle fingers at him... bt unfortunately, i have to drop such immature acts... god, those ppl shld noe... i choose to die when i want to die... u dont bloody choose it for me..


yest while havin dinner, i saw this beetle thngie scurryin on d flr... its some irritatin insect tt makes this din while flyin abt scaring both the chickens in my hse... bein bored, i picked it up and placed it on my brother's knee... whose face automatically registered panic and usin his hand he brushed it off and moved away... with me laughin like an idiot... and my mum goin, dei, its just an insect... oh well.. i was bored la... the irritatin pest was talkin away... so yeah.. and of coz, she screamed when i placed the insect on his knee and cld ask me how can u touch it... wth is so scary abt an insect? im only scared of cockroaches n icky abt touchin lizards... others im cool...oh well tts all.. haiz... now its time to walk.. i want chocolate.. badly...

today is the mother's bday... truthfully, i dont care. havent gt nethng to update coz there is nth impt... trivial stuffs... they are havin a steamboat.... haha... n tts my fav.... some form of pacification? i doubt so.... situations are such that im spoken to only when necessary. which is cool with me. i rather its this way. stay out of my hair and affairs. this is the lifestyle i want. if i didnt go off route when i was in my teens, bein an adult now, i believe i have the maturity to make wise choices. well tt be all...

yest, went out with d mugchicks n pugchicks... had fun talkin with faisal n a lil to faris. n i agree with faisal... bein with sum 1 older than u for a girl is better than bein with some1 ure age. hmm... alrytz... happened to read this blog of some1 i dunno... bt i can view myself in her shoes... if i dont choose the right guy or the guy my parents choose and i happen to jz end it off...


yeap def the blame will be thrown at me... comfortin words and solace is never something i can seek in this hse. haha... situation btw my dad n me is pretty much dependent on the mother... whom im sure hates my guts. imagine hearin the words 'because of u, both of us always argue'. ouch... im sorrie ar bt ur wife hates me... i cant do much... i can only try the best to stay out of ur hair. haha... sometimes i seriously wonder is she really my birth mother? am i an adopted kid or am i some relatives' daughter and they gave me to my parents and since it leads to confusion, they dont wanna tell me.


haha... my aunt treats me 100% better than she does la. they like bavani... n im sure now both of them are wishin that she was their daughter instead of me. i was damn surprised n hurt when my dad went if only u cld be a bit like bavani... the last person whom i expected to do that comparison... oh well... yeap she is the angel.. im d hopeless devil... haiz... gimme a reason on why i have to consider the family? just cause they have been givin me education,clothes, food and a shelter and a surname for all these time? i thnk i have done wt i can do... get them a gd name outside... they can go n talk to ppl outside and im sure u will hear them say a gd child. afterall the parents upbringal moulds ur character... ppl find me responsible, civics minded,smart,fillial...haha... so this is what fillial piety pays...


remind me never to consider the family nemore... evrythng i do, i have to thnk twice coz im a girl and an indian... n i have to fuckin worry abt some sort of family name... call me observant la, bt u go n blow it amongst ur own family with ur own big mouth... did i go and tell them abt siva? nopez... did i go n tell them abt my job n school? nopez... did i go n complain to them that u guys refuse to send me to study? nopez... i just told them im preparin the money myself to pay... i cant do nethng if ur mother scolds u for makin me sit @ home n do hsehold chores and workin in ritz carlton... u guys cldnt bloody wait for me to go n work wt... did i have a choice? n school, i didnt say i dont wanna go n study wt... u guys told me to arrange the money myself... how d fuck m i supposed to fuckin gt close to 200k? bank loans? when i dont work n i dont have a guarantor... of coz i need time... evry single fuckin time, i have to do things thnkin abt the stupid family name n the siblings... tell me 1 time i can do sumthng coz i want to... zilch... i cant hang out with nt ppl coz hey 'they arent smart as u'.. i cant hang with mly or muslim ppl coz ure afraid i will convert to 1...


even the guy i wanna be with, its like im committin some major sin... my fuckin life is controlled by these stupid stuffs and all coz im a girl... haha... fuck... i hate it... and i hate the both of u... i wish u werent my parents... i never thought this way... bt now i do... i wish u both arent my parents... i rather be born in a hse where i dont gt all these expensive gifts bt had parents who loved me n accepted me for what i am and are some1 i can turn to. evrythng i do, i can count on my friends, never u guys... so tell me what think abt the family? do u spare a thought abt me? do u see the more u guys push me, the more i move further? ure this close to losin me... too close...

they hate it when i talk back... say im rude.... i find a need to talk back coz im 21... remember... im an adult... i dont see a bloody need to be tellin wt im doin to u all ne longer... n i aint a saint like bavani.. in fact i dont believe it that she is such a saint oso. surely gt sumthng bad abt her 1... mayb she is a lesbian... now that will be interestin or she has been attached to this guy since jc days. we never noe... oh well...


exam is over... i thnk i lost marks in a 35 marks q... the 15 marks q, i thnk i will gt @ least some... coz the graph is runnin in d wrng direction bt the 20marks nmr q, err i dunno... basic readin i noe bt i doubt the structure is right. haiz. nmr sucks la... why issit so hard? nxt module starts 1st oct.... hmm... exam is 15th nov... so tt means calculus is frm the 16th to dec... tt means i will be doin medicinal chem in jan. with eka. n no su...scared sia... 1st module with no su. im scared i wont have ne1 to call and ask qs and of coz to go with me for lectures since eka doesnt go for lec. bt err nvm ar... if want to finish earlier, then yeah gt it over n done with. n newae, me cant make frenz? tts a joke... did the eyebrows yest... seems so fake. its looks like err its been sprayed on or sumthng... haha... oh well.. the price of vanity... n i went threadin coz mine is too thick....haha... now this is a paradox.

hair growin longer oreadi.. time for a cut soon... hmm tts all.. thnkin shld i go add some red streaks to my hair... bright red or orange... bt my hair is dry... doin it shld further worsen it i thnk... so yeap..considerin....outz...

i am envious of bavani and usha for their mother. the 1 i call mother which is seriously a humilation for all mothers on earth is not fit to be 1. ever heard of any mother bein jealous of their own daughters? step mothers yes... bt the real blood mother? my dad just told me that i create problems in their relationships. all this while alng i just took it as my fate bt now i just hate her. i abhor her. i wish she wasnt my mother. all she ever does is scream and control. im fuckin 21 bt am treated like a 12 yr old. all she cares abt is her name in d family. nt us. wt a bitch. how i wish my aunt is my mum.

err yeah... well i cant study... its borin studyin physical chem. pffttt... err nvm... 2 more days of la tortura....after 2 more days, nomore la tortura and no siva for 2 wks too... haha...i wonder how is he gonna survive without ne girls for 2 wks? err nth bad meant bt well he is used to his company of female in his life.... oh well, im sure there will be something then. aitez... fizah tagged me for this so...


1. (The person who tagged you is...)
Fizah Sorani

2. (Your relationship with him/her is...)
Poly coursemate

3. (5 impressions you have of him/her.)
- FUNNY.
- blurrrr like sotong.
-hard working
-smart
- friendly


4. (The most memorable thing he/she has done for you.)
err enjoyed my non stop chatter. haha... err i talk alot wt...


5. (The most memorable words he/she has said to you.)
err if he is meant to be, he will be.. or sumthng like tt la


6. (If he/she becomes your lover, you will...)
sorry fizah, ure nice bt im straight... haha

7. (If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be...)
err nethng tt i can thnk of? seriously zilch sia...

8. (If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...)
err once again impossible... one, we gt along fine... two, u wont become my enemies unless i cant stand u... n i can... so yeap...

9. (If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be...)
nth oso....

10. (The most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is...)
hmm seriously i fnt even see her for eons... last was open hse... lame sia... so mayb meet up?

11. (Your overall impression of him/her is...)
fizah is fizah... haha


12. (How you think people around you will feel about you.)
hmm bitch? fickle minded. childish. weird.


13. (The characteristic you love about yourself is...)
err... my arrogance... it jz amazes me on how i can be soooo arrogant... haha... there is nth great abt me la... trust me...


14. (On the contrary, the characteristic you hate about yourself is...)
thnkin too much, my arrogance n my ego

15. (The most ideal person you want to be is...)
some1 better of coz.

16. (For people that care and like you, say something to them...)
lets see... thanks for caring... and for that 1 person, i love u very much. =) n if i have hurt u guys, im really really sorry.

(Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you - TRY NOT TO PEEP AT THE QUESTION BELOW BEFORE WRITING DOWN THE NAMES( which in this instance there isnt ne1 i wanna pass it onto)

1) Siva
2)Shida
3)Seyed
4)Suhaila
5)Aiman
6)Ravin
7)Hisyam
8)Usha
9)Anusha
10)Mizan


(Who is no. 6 having a relationship with?)
no1... i mean it wldnt be without me knowin soo...

(Is no. 9 a male or female?)
anusha is female... duh...

(If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?)
the last time i checked, they arent gays... n my scandals if u dare become gays.. i dunno watta say la...

How about no. 8 and 5 )
both of em are attached... sooo yeap.. n they are straight... trust me...

What is no. 2 studying about?)
accounts and finance.

(When was the last time you had a chat with no 3.)
seyed... yest...

What kind of music band does no. 8 like?)
err she loves all these tamil songs... which arent so bad

(Does no. 1 have any siblings?)
yeap... a younger brother and sister

Would you woo no. 3 )
did i woo u seyed? i dont thnk so ryt...

How about no. 7 )
haha... syamz is my part time scandal.. n we still have the marriage thngie... so yeap.. need to woo? doubt so...

(Is no. 4 single?)
yes she is..

(What's the surname of no. 5 )
aiman bte marie essam or sumthng like tt

(What's the name of no. 10)
err mohd hamizan bin sumthng... entah.

What's the hobby of no. 4 )
su does alot of things to occupy herself...

(Do no. 5 and 9 get along well?)
they dont even noe 1 another... 1's a cuzzin, another's a close poly friend

(Where is no. 2 studying at?)
SIM

Say something casual about no. 1 - Mus)
my ex boyfriend and the guy i love? tts casual alryt..haha

(Have you tried developing feelings for no. 8 ?)
developin feelings? they are innate... we are practically sisters!

Where does no. 9 live?)
anusha lives in hougang.sumwhere near siva.. haha... tts all i can remember for now...

What color does no. 4 like?)
pink and black... she goes for interestin tones

Are no. 5 and 1 best friends?)
nah... they have both heard of 1 another thru me though.

Does no. 7 like no. 2 ?)
well he did find her not so bad lookin and she thinks he is handsome... so i guess they do?

(How did you get to know no. 2 ?)
3 mths srjc...

Does no. 1 have any pets?)
for now i know he doesnt though i know he does want tons of em... like frm a snake to dogs.. n he had a dog when he was young... so am i correct dear?

(Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world?)
haha... he believed so before tt he is 1... n now he is a wreck... its weird wt love can do to u...

once again they are givin me their cold treatment. wth is wrng with u ppl? ppl do patch back u noe?ppl can be friends after a relationship ends u noe? im nt leadin him on... im nt a bitch who thinks all guys must be obsessed with her... jeez.... err wteva la... u dont like wt im doin... aint my business... u guys had it ur way these past 21 yrs... now its time i live it the way i want. i dont give a shoot abt tt so-called family name n prestige coz i aint doin nethng wrng. its like suddenly i decided to become a hooker or sumthng... jeez, im just talkin with the guy whom i had a relationship which ended just a mth back. so when im with him, i aint a gd girl n i was a bad 1... which def sounds so fuckin wrng..

its like as if im committin the world's biggest sin. who d hell are u guys to decide whom is right for me n not right for me? ur only my parents, nt god. n its nt like u guys are always right. u guys make mistake too.. n i like wt im doin. i noe i aint doin nethng wrng. thnk ur low class indian manner and see whether its gonna help u. unfortunately ur race ppl are the type who dont like to see ppl prosper. soooo go figure! i will be with whom i like... n tts my wish... u guys dont like it, its none of my business... it ended once i turned 21... im only here coz of the degree thng... or else i will nt want to be livin in this hse bein controlled, always bein scrutinized and not havin the privacy an adult deserves, always never bein gd enough for u guys. wtf... do u noe how fucked up i feel when others tell me ur parents shld be lucky to have u guys as children... coz u guys never thnk tt way. so is there sumthng wrng with me or u guys?

somehow i dont feel like studyin... too many distractions. perhaps i ought to head to the lib. exams are in 5 days time... n yeap i have memorized almost nxt to nth.aitez... walked all the way to amara attai's hse.... walked past the old broadrick school currently northlight school. they have painted the whole place. added in aircon... painted it purple n pink... of all the colors man.oh man... nostalgic sia... jz feels like the old days... hangin out @ d bus stop near the bp... goin to the bus stop near guillemard camp @ times... walkin home with yin sen and raudah... @ times hafeez will join. or shreya. haha... its cool hey.... n guess wt... 2012 is like in 5 yrs time... i wonder do the guys remember? haha.... i do.... 10 yrs... when we are 26 to meet... i cant remember the date nor the time.... bt i wonder are they really gonna meet... haha... oh well.. seriously i didnt thnk i will make it past poly to do my degree.... n now i wanna do my masters too.. oh well....tts it then... cheerz...

assignments done n handed in... except for exp 3... i screwed up the illustration.. so am prob gonna redraw it. hmmph... well that will take less than 10 mins newae.. now its time to study... another 6 days more for this module to end. he called me yest... now yest was prob the most happiest day i have had for the past 6 wks... n surprisingly last nyt, i slept well... no tossing n turnin... no wakin up suddenly in the night... slept peacefully like a baby... signs of dependence on a guy?jeez, i hope nt... bt i know i love him... =) oh well.. tt be all... outz

im exhausted today la.... didnt really slp last night... the stupid cmpd 4 to 6 stuffs were runnin in my head... just didnt make sense.... haiz... n i still cant figure it out... already went to 2 tchers over here for help bt they have no idea too... they are as stumped as i am. haiz. and my basics arent even there to start with so practically im of no help too. argh! it just frustrates me that i cant do a chemistry question. its chemistry. evrythng has a logical explaination. argh! havin a headache due to the lack of slp and yes i have lost my appetite too... dont feel like eatin. its stressin me up coz seriously i dont want nethng below a distinction. coz this time arnd, i really am puttin in my effort. and the way its goin, im scared that i cant even pass.


and the exam is 1 wk away. i have shaky backgrnd knowledge. a 2hrs paper which is worth 50% of the final grade. and i gt absolutely no idea what is gonna come out. the physical side is alryt i guess coz he already told us he will jz reproduce the questions with diff value. so tts juz practisin n theory... bt nmr? argh! argh! wth... i have never felt this frustrated or stupid... today ms bavani turns 21 so happy birthday cuzzie... err i seriously hope u getta do medicine... @ least 1 of the 3 stickin to the plan. it sucks if u cant... coz i noe how hard u worked for it... while we 2 just slacked... haha... err outz....

shahdon is goin off on oct 19... haiz... hmm... pray he wont come back in a coffin.....*touchwood*

sumhow i have a phobia after isz. err its nt nice to read abt sum1 u were close back in sch dead newhere or even hear abt it... if its shahdon, err i will be affected greatly... my poly awak sia... if my brother or siva, no need to say... im sure u can imagine the emo me... haha ne1 noes a way of like falling out of love? i need like 1... jeez, how can i move on if all i ever think abt is him? *hits herself on the head* n i juz realized i love him n miss him even more worser than before... haiz. talk abt absence making the heart grow fonder. tsk.

err i officially suck @ nmr... haha... it eludes me @ some pt of time. haiz. i feel like an imbecile. i mean im 1... jz never realized it. haha... exam is on sept 20... i have kinda started studyin. left with the 2 tutorials which god noes why doesnt make sense to me... this is d 1st module like after primary 6 im copyin for.. yeah after primary 6, i either didnt do it or did all my work tt is those i noe how to do ar... haiz, worried my gpa will drop... argh... it wont be alot in the final... bt hell, i want to maintain. haiz... hmm okie... goin back to do the borin tut...

hey hey... today is an alryt day.... came home frm grandma's so called bday celebration... she turned 69 today... if grandpa is alive, he will be 76... we had the cake frm oriental... aint so yummy like b4... b4 was oooommmmmpppppphhhh.... now its okie... no pictures taken... hmm evrybody was there minus dad n kavita... newae she is never there...so no biggie... after which we headed to east coast... hung out arnd marina cove... talkin away....



i was with my 2 close cuzzies, the few guy cuzzies, my fav uncle and of coz mages anna and rajini akka. talked n laughed... uncle told us abt his army days postin in taiwan.... hmm n of coz us bein small kids... accordin to them, i was this quiet child... v quiet... kept to myself... hmm n yeah i bumped into sona and iskandar.... haha... of all the places la.... my bro bumped in2 ravin @ d macs... n i didnt... well too bad i guess.... i know he is goin back soon... bt i doubt we will meet up... coz yeah we are too bz with our own life...oh well, i wanna go out more with my cuzzins... its so much fun.... n newae tts the only time i ever speak in tamil.... i realize i do need to start... seriously it aint cool not being able to speak in my own mother tongue. i might not look tamil bt doesnt change the fact i am right...

had a long conversation with mages anna. yes he did add some perspective. date all u want now and enjoy life... after all, after sch ends, u aint gonna.... oh well... tts all.. ciaoz...

im alright....



i think i will be alright.....




i am okie....




i think i will be okie....


sept 20 baby. its sept 20.

if ure lookin to read sumthng chokeful of activities, i doubt so ure gonna gt it. so yeah let me chroniclize ( does such a word exist?) another day.

let's see... gt myself spooked by 1 of the oso's... i was all alone in d lab man... gonna leave n outta nowhere a woman appears... normal walk. followed by bumpin in2 azmi giler in d mrt.... who took like a gd 5mins to realize i was no longer in specs... n wonderfully he cldnt remember my name... which is a known thng coz other than a smile or an occasional nod or hi, nth much happened btw us for us to really become chummy chums. well perhaps if i had dated afandi or sumthng, then sumthng might have... bt yeah work n all... n of coz the no leadin on guys principle. a general conversation took place btw d 3 of us... bedok came, he left sayin he hopes to see us arnd. apparently he seems surprised that i am in contact with afandi... hello, heard of the term of coursemates and friends?


sch was once again alryt... gc... spoke with the witch whom seems v nice n perhaps v detailed and pretty much a gd scientist since she sticks to all the lab rules like its some bible. which of coz wld b irritatin to ppl like us who are born with the rebel streak. so yeah... tt marks the day. A very interestin comment frm ishak where he expressed he cant wait to see me. jeez, like im some long lost fren. and coincidentally mum spoke abt ritz too... hmmm yeah... n now ploddin on with reports and that damned tut.

apparently all my lecturers after yr 1 will be all frm uwa so basically its like studyin it there. n also i heard yr 2 onwards,timetable is like hell... so yeah... oh well.. see, i knew i wouldnt have a social life. fear of the gpa droppin is there... i remember yr 2.2... a 0.7+ drop... frm 2.7 to 2.0... it shld have went up... n now i wld be in nus or ntu. damn. i graduated with a 2.39.... yes, i worked kinda to gt it up... oh yeah syamz told me he gt me a bracelet. now is tt sweet or wt? cant wait for nxt wk.. my 'date' with him n ritz. hmm..n this is d end of the borin entry.

today is wed... sat is grandma's bday... or as su went grandmama... sounds nicer oso... grandmama is 69 this yr... if grandpa was alive, he will be 76... i miss u manickam. keke... mum is sooo gonna kill me...


hehe...the end of the yr is gonna be here damn soon sia... 2008 is gonna start... i like my birthdate 20/08/2008 and nt onli tt i turn 22... so many 2s n 8s... keke... oh well, yest i kinda did some nmr assignments n su n eka both helped me with it... i suck @ it la... today is the gc usin ethanol... dilutin beer n all... done it poly i thnk... bt if only i can remember wth is calibration peak...


okie im in love with eli re eli... back again... n i find ebi damn cute... damn freakin cute la.... after such a looonnnnnggggg time, i have a crush... anyway i love the way life is... though yeah sometimes it bores me too... bt hey no complainin.. i earn money for doin nth... keke... hmm nth else more.... ramblin is gooooooddddddddddddddd.....=)

added yin sen yest... we were kinda close in sec 4... walked back home frm sch evryday. we used to contact 1 another often till last yr when we lost contact.... he just asked me am i married.... haha...my god... married? the nightmare! i cant even be in a relationship proper and me married?hey bt arnd 6 mths is a feat. hehe.nt so bad for the 1st one. *shrugs*

n i had the weirdest dream yest. as usual ravin n i met... and then our normal hug.. bt somehow the name i said wasnt ravin. its a name i dont wish to mention. n i dunno why it came out. weirdness la... my dreams are gettin weirder n weirder and the sister is gettin weirder too... she got so excited over my collarbone stickin out which she claims she has never seen stickin out.. and curiously asked me can i touch your collarbone. takin her index finger, poked it like its some animal curling and sittin on my shoulder... then looked @ her finger with amazement and walked away. talk abt weird.


tuesday is here... another 1 more wk. im countin dn goin to ritz carlton like an excited child. bt i miss diyanah. hope i getta see how and danny too if they still work there.not much work today once again. just workin on the inventory n the graphs. lab yest was the 1st time, i wasnt lost on doin it. i knew what i was doin. pat on my back! though the quiz is a goner la. i have probs with nmr. wth.somehow the concept evades me. oh well. sept 20.

i had a dream in which i woke up feeling a strong sense of jealousy. its just a dream bt the fact that i felt such a strong surge of jealousy is scary. i have never felt this way b4. the last was when my dad spend more time with my newborn sister than with me. the jealousy is pretty surprisin too coz i dunno what it means... should i feel this jealousy? i think its wrong. dunno. aint gt nth much to say.

alright... i realize i understand shit frm nmr. which is nuclear magnetic resonance. i realize i have 4 open book quizzes and i cant do the nmr questions. n i got 2 or 3 questions out of the 8 or 10 questions right. and its pretty distressing me. i hate failin. i hate not doing well. exams are in 3 wks time. the module is going to end in 3 wks time. september has started. ne1 remember wake me up when september ends? well i cant slp coz if i do, there goes chem 2210. i need to pass... nt fail it... im nt gonna fail nethng. never!

i realize that suddenly i am a source of attraction for construction workers. well i believe they turn their head when nethng with a vagina or seems to have a vagina walk past. so it disgusts me. nth against them. bt they are here to work. so work nt thnk of sex and all that shit. well i hope u get hiv frm ur sexual needs. im sorry i know man are usually ruled by their dicks bt hell ure in a foreign country. dont be stupid. women can do tons of nonsense. oh well. men.

sometimes i really wonder do u know what u want or what u wanted? oh well, i will never know the answer. but from my own deduction, i can say no. what u had wasnt love, just a strng crush. feelings are weird. so i aint hurt or nethng. life is goin on for me. smoothly... yes i still do have dreams. i just woke up frm 1 with a jealousy fit. haha.. which is stupid. n hey, i realise i have another family member on tv. my aunt's cousin is a participant once again in vasantham star. interestin. aitez...out.