everytime i check out some1's profile from broadrick and i see the word NUS or NTU, a part of me dies. Everytime i remember hearing from jeremy tan, that he is in NUS, another part of me dies. I should be one of them. what happened? an answer i cant give. might it be different if i went to a jc? i feel like a failure whenever i think abt jeremy tan. bloody hell, i was a top student in my class. he was nowhere near it. fucking failed everything. and looks like the uwa cert might be out of my reach too.


i am delayed from graduating due to calculus. i have to retake tt and another unit. failure to pass gets me withdrawn in a nicer way, kicked out in the truest manner. all my hard work down the drain. i am bitter. n everytime i watch chuck bass on gossip girl, i feel his pain. he tries to cover it all up but it isnt easy. poor him. i know how it feels. it was what i was going through earlier.


honestly the only time i felt this lost was after poly and that time, siva was there. now im all alone n i so dunno watta do. i feel like a failure. i am trying my best to act like it will all be fine. but what if i do fail again? and this is the best time as i am confused with where my future is heading. work, life, school and my future. i hate guessing . i realize i am just like blair. i need to know what happens next. i hate the fact that i have to take it as it comes. each day, each minute. the hope that everything will fall in place is slipping out of my grasp slowly.

i think i might be sinking into a mode of depression. oh shit. just what i need. more hell.

i decided to stay! too much to forsake by goin for 4 days. its a hard choice to make. but no regrets. i can enjoy myself once i get my degree. its the wkend once again. n its damn fast! time is running fast. chem 3312 is coming to an end. goin onto immunology. oh man. looks like june 11 wont be the date as i failed calculus, yet again. its a bummer. n i will be graduatin in sept as supposed to do so. haiz. i wanted to get done with it asap. i cant carry on doing this. things at home is shaky. haiz. it sucks being the eldest. oh well.

there ought to be somewhere i can lodge a complain against my parents. they have been talkin about getting myself attached, much to often to my liking. i didnt know being single is bad. its gd for me. sigh. i dont want la. its boring.


i wanna dance... hmm