woke up with a terrible headache. knew i cldnt go to work... so yeah took the day off.. n baked. heh. i love baking. the smell of dextrination. i cant remember whether its tt term. i thnk it is. mum was talkin pure nonsense. asked me how is ravin n all.. n askin me how come he doesnt contact me.. silly woman. if he is in london, how to contact? she has decided that im gonna marry ravin... dunno where the hell she plucks all the theory frm... if i can do tt, woah. nice. bt i pull out dumb theory abt sch work. heh.


told her feb 2009 im joinin uwa... confirmed. n both of them said okie. find out how much it costs n all.heh. happiness... stayed at home, disturbed my mother... then when the small pest came home, argued with her in english and tamil. yeah i realized its time i start speakin in tamil too.normal stuffs... laugh. laugh... disturb 1 another... n bake... miss the mass bakin at granma hse... those were the days. sucks i cant spend sunday evening there coz of chitty chitty bang bang... last time with usha... im gonna miss her sorely during family gatherings. miss grandpa too. n this is nice... 1stly, syamz came online, then seyed, then raja n now ammar. heh. all the poly guys. err tt be all. outz!

its such a beautiful day. err seyed, thanks for that article last night or rather this morn. it is gd. and din, thanks for spending ur bday evening talkin to me crap. haha.err u still gotta try harder to irritate me or give me a bad impression. so far, still thnk ure a nice guy. haha. today is aizuddin's bday i thnk. yeah i thnk so. hehe. nice sia. 1 din after another din.


n ravin, my best buddy ever. nxt yr makes it 9 yrs man. haha. cant wait for december. tml makes it nov kan? hehe.. a mth. end of d yr is comin soon... n nxt yr, we all turn 22. haha. n this time, we better meet up. yeap. n hisyamuddin, quit worryin will u? im perfectly fine. i have u guys man. wt else do i need? u guys are the best gift to me. n im thankful for all of u... frm su to ravin to u. and of coz la, anusha.


n my own brother. he jz cracked me up so early in the morn. idiot seriously noes how to irritate me early in the morning by puttin food infrnt of me... makin me wanna vomit and then making so much noise while eatin. idiot. bt still i love him. can say he is the best brother for a mcp la. haha. dunno wt i will do without him at times. guess evrybody has their own sisterly-brotherly bond goin... like how he will save my arse and i save his arse. n how he loves to irritate me n i will purposely irritate him. this will be only for awhile... nxt yr, his A's n im sure by december, he is enlisted. haiz. im gonna miss him badly. n oh yeah, perth. who noes, by then, i might be preparin to head to perth.n i badly wanna go dn there n study. workin n studyin is cool bt i want the uni experience... n i wanna get away frm the hse for awhile. be responsible of myself and experience freedom with no ctrl.hehe. lookin 4ward to nxt yr like eagerly. heh.

its interestin to know that i have been two timed and lead on. wow. seyed, u were right. hmm haha.. wtever la.. i hope u had your time. thanks for all the memories. and wasting my time. oh n i hope u dont two time her too. i aint angry. i aint even upset. its a waste of time crying coz of wt u did. oh well... ishak is 100% better than u... tts for sure... i shld have went after ishak. if he was an arsehole, at least he wldnt have done things to hurt me. this is just makin me move on even easier. after the anger blows. which is nt so bad. n u are right.. i deserve so much better... a guy who treasured me for wt i am and didnt expect me to change. oh well... i hope ure happy with wt u have... coz i am definitely happy that this ended the way it did. oh yeah, im sure u noe wt karma is... so gd luck with it aitez.

i hate you sivakumar. you really did lead me on didnt you. its a bloody fuckin game to u innit. yeah i was fickle bt i did not have any fucking intention of leading you on. if it felt that way, it will have been due to my ficklemindedness and indecisiveness regarding this whole whirlwind of a relationship. i knew i loved u. this is bloody payback innit.


fuck, wts the diff btw u n the others? haha. if seyed lead me on, then what u did is worse than what he did. he treated me as a friend. bt you? argh... why the hell did i bloody meet u. i seriously hate u. thank you for fucking givin me the hopes and then asking me to wait and then decidin to get attached with chitra. i hope ure happy now. when i was bloody gonna move on, u had to bloody call me and ruin it for me. no guy has ever made me cry and you have done it more than any other guy will ever or can. argh... remember the 1st time u told me u aint like the rest of the hotel guys'. reality check darling, you are! and you are a big hypocrite for nt realisin it. u have just made me realized why issit that i never wanted a relationship... coz of arseholes like you. i never wanna hear frm you or see you ever in my life.

and for that friend of his who reads my blog. i seriously hope you dont go n tell him nemore of wtf is happening in my life coz its none of his business. if u wanna carry on reading, its ur wish n prerogative. if u wanna stop, aint no loss for me. bt he doesnt have the fucking right to noe ne shit abt me. im nt gonna privatise my blog or friendster profile coz of him coz its stupid and i really dont give a fuck whether he reads this and gets hurt oso. coz i will always remember this... a guy who really played me well. haha. now i feel like a fool. evrythng was a farce. argh.

this has juz ruined evrythng for me. perfect.

its a v small world. eka n joce noes siva. n joce noes bani and siva and faris. perfecto ar. n she agrees, its so impossible to believe there is sumthng bt the signs shows there is sumthng... hmmm... hehe... this 1 is tak habis. azza noes christabel. small world again. hehe... im either too friendly or singapore is too small. hehe. n they both agree he is cute. he is cute bt too short for me. a guy arnd my height. boring!


n i had nasi lemak today. heh. happiness. went over to eka n su's place. had fun. was 'forced' into cam-whorin..didnt take much persuasion though. a lil. hehe. had fun today. n the person who wanted me to wait decided that he doesnt need me to wait so yeah. some sort of revenge? dunno n doubt so.. bt wteva la.its move on time. n now its 1205am... so dinesh kumar, happy 21st bday! n err see, i remember ur bday. oh, gt a gf soon... no guy can become wise without havin 1. heh. n tt will be all. end of october is comin. a mth more before december... i so love december...=)

Since the day I got to know you..

I started to feel as though my dreams came true

Everything became so right

Everyday was incomplete without you

How should I tell you..

that my life is incomplete without you..

that my dreams won't be true without you..

that every breath i take is inclusive of you..

that my life starts and ends with you..

How do i tell you that..

~I LOVE YOU~

err okie. i wanna eat nasi lemak. ages since i last ate it. mum hasnt made it yt. all it needs is grandma's sambal with the nasi and ikan billis... haha. all this craving. i wonder are they gonna be as bad and random as this if im lucky enough to be pregnant? hmm, pity whoever is the unlucky other half. heh.


aitez, deirdre thnks flirto is in love with me. haha... funny la.last prac. it jz rocks. reports due soon. 4 of em infact. sian.


was walking towards the bench when i realized that the bunchter flask has yt to be washed nor disconnected frm the vacuum. left hand was gloved bt right hand wasnt. holding the flask, pulled the hose out sloshin the filtrant onto the hand. after 1 sec, i shrieked in a high pitched voice that i am gonna die and ran to the sink. su and wan rou jz laughed la. okie, i was slow... bt it jz hit me i had acetone, concentrated acid and wts nt in tt flask la... so i panicked and started shriekin im gonna die. keke. it was cute of me to do tt. bt yeah i panicked... haha. okie, last lec on tues. cant wait. aitez outz

okie. i started the day happy, crashed in the evening and somehow seems alright now. jz dunno watta expect next.

1)
Siva: 'Hey that guy left his clock behind'
Raihan: *face full of question* 'That guy left his cock behind?
Siva: *Burst out into laughter*... 'clock' and laugh and laugh
Raihan:*blushes*

2)
okie now the bummer part. though the circumstances seems like i have been lead on, i know i havent. coz i know no1 knows him better than i know him. i wasnt disappointed abt tt or being told to wait. what hurt me most is the casualness that was used to inform me about the hanging out with the colleagues and what he was doin as he was on the phone with me. that hurt me alot. i never have expectations on any1. coz i hate it when ppl have expectations on me. unfortunately, somehow, i had them on him. n now im hurt and disappointed. more of hurt. coz that's how much it meant to me. that i cried. haiz. why i wonder. i cant explain it myself. bt yeah it juz hurts. haha. somehow i feel i am waiting in vain but there is stil the 5% confidence that it will be worth it. so i will wait. coz i dont wanna give it up.. never wanted to. i know what i want is what i see in him. bt will he make the wait worthwhile? that,time will reveal i guess. and i hope it turns out gd.


3) class, flirto lecturer struck again! he poked me in my upper abdomen and went ' u are smart ar'. wth. deirdre and shu fen told me he was leaning towards me. for me, i didnt realize it coz im used to it frm my guy frenz i guess. came out, saw the full moon.. n tts all that is needed to distract me... its just so beautiful. such a beautiful night. haiz. the moon distracted me for awhile bt it cant do it forever right? n now here i am. monday is the last day of school. exams are comin. that's wt i need to take this out of my head i guess. stupid me. bein so emotionally affected. haiz. i hate this.

boo! err okie... today is mokhtar's bday... so happy 28th bday! err ure old... hehe.. err hopefully u get married soon. haha. saw beevi aunty last night... hmm walked arnd with usha n anusha... name oso so rhymin... attitude n interests oso so alike...as usual.. place full of indians who have nth better to do than to talk cock and stare.irritatin sia.tts why i hate goin dn there alone. somebody told me i look like her cousin... and she is the storeowner's daughter... they stared at me with amazement... now this is spooky... u mean there is some1 whom i look like or looks like me?


aitez... invigilation... rocks ar... i did an english paper, learned a lil c maths. today, evrythng finishes at 3pm. i thnk.. unless they want me to cover the lib. err sch ended at 11pm on wednesday... stupid timetable tryin to squeeze a 6hr lab in2 3 hrs. err stu left for tekong. i thnk the last 1 in the 86 batch? so far those whom i know are all in.oh, shankaran, u officially fail in my creative person club... =)

done with the lab report that is due today. unfortunately or stupidly dont have the other 1.. thus i dunno where i stopped off for the other 1. sian. i lazy to bring the laptop to work. it weighs a ton for me and err i dun fancy carryin it to tekka tml. n wth... these past 2 mths, i have been there twice oreadi.. which is more than i have ever went there for the past 5 yrs... after sec 4 n the cessation of tamil as a bane in my education life, i have nt stepped foot into that 'wonderful' nightmare.


sleeply as hell... n its soo nice to sleep here... with the aircon now suddenly workin. miracles do happen. all i need is my thick blanket and i can sleep. n i have to study oso.. perhaps will head out n study... god.. went to yati's place for lunch. nice crib sia. i like the way the hse is... seems nt so cluttered.. n sumhow i feel my hse is sooo much cluttered. yeah... okie... i have another 22 more days before chem 2211's exam.... tts v fast... n i cant wait for nxt wk.. last wk of sch before the study break. oooo... ways gt this quote frm bryan's fren blog which was left by bryan himself... n yeah def its frm him... nobody beats him in all these... miss readin his essays.


“And at times the fact of his absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on.
He is dead to you.
You are alive.
So live.”

- Morpheus, Oneiromancer

n i gt no idea where is his source.. all i can guess will be some fantasy book of his. or some game. bt cool quote. or rather pretty applicable quote. aitez outz

my sister has the most irritatin prejudiced typical indian mindset woman teacher. if a teacher had called in and told my parents, i hang out with too many guys... i will have had her blood. coz i have TMTC guy frenz and i used to hang out with the guys alot even back in poly. and my dad just quietly took all this in. argh. wts wrng with all these ppl? some woman is tellin u sum sexist shit and u take it in. her wish ar. nth is wrng hangin out with guys wt. nonsense. which is why i will never tell my parents abt my guy frenz. coz i know they will freak though they wont show it. it will freak them that i can hang out with 10 guys and talk for 3 to 4 hours without feeling anything.


my classmates were bothered abt it... my guy friends were initially bothered abt it coz afterall they had the sexist attitude too which changed over the days.for me, this is nth ar. i know my boundaries. they know theirs so yeah. people will always talk ar... if im gonna worry abt all these shit, i cant survive. i know im a bitch. i aint hiding it. im that way. i dont act all pure and innocent like some bitch. its all in ur face. yes i do make use of these guys at times... bt hey, wts the pt of nt doin it when u can? its nt like i dont and wont do things for them ar.. i will. all they have to do is ask and i will see whether i can do it or nt... man, i will love to meet that teacher. then perhaps she will know why my sister is like that. coz the eldest sister is like her too. and the parents dont really care much till u come home and say im interested in this guy.. that's when all the shit starts.

sgt sardine! hehe. tts wt some girl heard instead of sgt hisyam... haha... okie... met up with hisyamuddin after 2 mths... at last sia. next will be his bday... seyed, wanna get a gift together? sit dn, talked for 2 hrs... like seriously old days... talked about the bitch.wtf is bloody wrng with her... its been 1 yr and she still thnks he has something for her. face it la bitch. u aint some hot chick aitez. n hisyam is better off without u... im really glad he chose our friendship over u...

n mizan oso... bodoh! dunno how to answer issit? this 1 confirm gonna gt it frm me. never kenna scolded by me for ages kan.n this sister of mine, wah kao...really dont use brain to think at all. cant even do her maths... haiz... mcm mane nak pass PSLE... oh god, plz help her... stress sia thnkin abt her. its humilatin sia... sister is doin her degree, brother is in njc and the sister doesnt have any aptitude for studyin. aitez... goin back to the report. im still clueless on wt to write. i seriously need some brain juice. god, please help me... 3% man... evry thng counts... i really want a high distinction. err aitez back to lab report-in. outz

i have add i thnk. cant do ne work for a long period of time... wonder how the hell i made it to a degree. hah. grandaunt told my mum tt anusha n i met yest or the day b4. wth. n both of us said no such thng. wth... where do all these women gt their sources frm i wonder. women n gossips. excellent. dunno wt to write in the report. even excellent. 2nd one, i have some idea.. 1st 1, zilch,nada. where am i supposed to gt non-existin gc,ir spec and h nmr data frm? err... will thnk of sumthng by tonight or tml i hope.

thngs to do
1)watch house
2)start revising
3)read ouran high
4)shoppin.. need to gt alot of stuffs
5)head dn to ritz to gt my cert frm diyanah n meet her. been ages.
6)contact the admin to check out possibilities,cost etc of headin to perth
7)clear up the lab... its a disorganized mess. guess can do it on a day when i dont have class.
8)meet up with syamz,sidah,ana,reeq,mzan n d sec sch ppl.

cant wait to head to perth... im hopin nxt yr, this time arnd, im there. then i will be back to a student. cant wait for tt. aitez. outz.

sneezin today. sian. wth. today's lab was alryt. nt so bad. lotsa accidents though.oh well... tml a weddin in some church. some distant relative of mine is married to an ang moh... cool. bt err aint goin. mum complained to dad abt my rudeness... err... my fault ar? u know im stubborn... n i never listen... if i say no, no ar... harp on the matter for wt? i mean it when i make my mind up.which usually doesnt take so long.dont blame me for talkin back ar. i cant stand it when u force me to do wt i dont like wt... i will sulk n make a big fuss over it.. its nt like its something new.. been doin it since im small. so wth?


saw some sec sch ppl today... hafeez and baadushah. bt didnt talk... was rushin to class... jz smiled at hafeez and baadushah. tts all.. possible uni outin nxt wk... goin out with the cuzzins and meetin syamz. n then 4th nov, chitty chitty bang bang. cant wait. n cant wait for nxt paycheck.. it sucks workin on a $100 budget. wth. im no longer in sec sch ar. for the 1st time, im dead broke. wth... i have never been broke. sian... i hate this. cant even buy things i want! err tts all. outz

met shahdon earlier... aitez.... he told me i have changed alot... and likewise to him... lookswise... n he said i have stopped swearlin like a sailor... i did? haha... for the 1st time, he said i looked vey good. haha. damn i miss our old times. aitez, he said i had helped him during his most depressed period and he infact told me one of the things i did. vaguely remember it.bt haha, its sumthng ke? hmm... well it feels like what u do for ur close frenz. or ne friend whom is in need. i dont remember wt i do ar. coz they needed my help... so i help them. or i felt they needed it... haha... okie. im glad to know i was an impact to some1 back in poly.


he is goin for a yr+... told him to be safe n tt i dont want another friend lost. phobia after isz... i rather hear abt my friends like a few yrs down the road as living n kickin than read their obituary in the news. it is shockin. and a slap across the face. it was great.. short bt great. he was shocked that i got into a relationship... haha.. yeah, of coz, im sure i went arnd tellin ppl that relationships are a waste of time. haha. oh man... shahdon, u always crack me up. aitez, tts all..

thursday.... ooo... err been seein azmi giler the past 2 days @ d mrt... su decided to be very funny and let her imagination run wild. polymates cant become friends after graduation issit? mpek. hmm flirto struck again. haiz. i jz asked so is today's lab going to take a short time and he replied with a why, you wanna spend a longer time with me issit? n i blushed ar. wth. n said... no no, i dont mean tt..dunno why i had to blush oso. bt wth, embarrassin ar... infrnt of the whole class. err wth.


yest's lab we didnt do nethng... bt i was mega slpy. still gt a boring report to churn out and i have no shit to write. excellent. parents are buggin me to take leave to head to kl for deepavali... seriously, i dont wanna go... u guys happy happy travel ar... i have sch work to complete... and my exam is nov 15... sorrie ar... i rather study... n i can bet i will have a lab report due either on friday or sat or monday.so im nt goin... yes, i will be the stubborn self... i will be self centered. for u all, easy ar... who is the 1 who has to juggle sch n work? me ar.i want to be in singapore for the hols so that i can meet up with my friends, study or do work. its nt like i celebrate it too. so yeah... no way am i headin to kl... its sound silly tt 5 of us head to kl jz for 1 person.. rather he come dn here...change of enviroment... see how diff it is... n its better he gt out of the hse oso... too many memories, suffocatin. 6 mths itself is horrible... this is 10yrs of marriage and i thnk 5 yrs of courtship... wtf... silly parents.

hisyamuddin.... ure the best friend a girl ever needs... thank u for last night babe! looks like ure payin me back what i did for u eh... hehe... bt thanks for makin me laugh in my tears.... ure always an idiot la. n u hate it when i start cryin issit? keke. haha... aitez, done with the lab report. or nearly... muz add in the errors for the 2nd part n the mpt... looks weird... incomplete is a better word.


sat up till 1 am... my dark rings are gettin darker. yeah vainity check. keke. gosh, plz dont let the sec sch ppl read this... if ne1 quotes this to me, im sooo gonna turn crimson red. haha. alryt, thursday with shahdon @ tampines.. i reckon tm... arnd 6-ish.. err siape nak ikut? so far its shahdon n moi.. tentatively ms su is joinin.... so tell me aitez... love.

1. What is more difficult:
looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
+ the latter... especially when its a confession of the heart and i dont feel the same way.

2. Think of the last time you were annoyed. Why were you annoyed?
+ err morn ar... my mum's typical mindset that a girl shldnt be goin out with guys so often. err nt all of em are couples u noe... a guy n a girl can be friends too... tt means i cant go out with my frenz issit? mpek ar

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
+ sivashankar. yeah i will call him. my brother. to tell wt i need to tell ar.

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
+ err haha... im sure this line is sooo overused... turn back time

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love?
+ trust... love without trust isnt really love issit?

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog or not?
+ err save a life ar. if nt this job, another.

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
+ haha... err unfortunately yes. my brother. haha

8. Think of the last person who you know who died. You have the chance to give
them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Would you do it?
+ isz... yeah... why nt? for him to spend 1 hr with his family. im sure the family will love it. its jz a yr of my life. haha... nt like im gonna gt nethng great outta it.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
+sure... so tt i can know wts my bad pts...

10. Does sex=love?
+ haha no... love is love... sex is sex... u dont mix both together...

11. Are you old fashioned?
+ am i? entah.

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
+ haha... sex isnt evrythng. n yeah if i love them, why nt? marriage isnt abt sex and having kids. its about companionship. having some1 other than ur siblings and parents to love,cherish and protect.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
+ im egoistic... so it will be when i love them. somehow i associate love with emotional weakness thus i dislike showin it.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?
+ hmm my beliefs. the way i tick.

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
+ the last person whom i said i loved is siva. yeap. i dont vocalize my feelings to my parents coz i doubt i love them. my brother, i show it by my actions. the small thngs i do for him.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?
+ messin with the past is nt gd bt the way it ended with siva. mayb somethng amicable. mayb i wldnt have ended it.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
+ my brother. seriously. so i can see him scared. haha... n laugh my head off.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
+ seriously im afraid of breakin sum1 ribcage. haha. bt if really no other choice ar.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
+ im nt the least close to my grandma... so it will be the newborn. if its my grandpa or a newborn, then tt will be a dilemma. i wont noe whom to choose.n basically dying hand.. so i let go ar... duh!

20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel?
+ when it involves positive emotions, like love and affection i never tell them. infact i hide it by telling i dont love them la.. i never cared for them n all tt. bt when its negative emotions,such as anger,irritation etc, i will vocalize it better than nethng. *shrugs* tts how i am. so negative emotions, its on the spot... if its those positive emotions, i really dont do it tt often...

If You had three months to live:

21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
+knowin me, i guess i will tell them just to see their reactions and then will say i was juz joking... hehe

22. What do you do with your remaining days?
+ err spend more time with friends whom matters and yeah take a trip with my brother alone. n if tt time, i had some1 i love, with him too.

23. Would you be afraid?
+ haha... mayb? i dunno... never really came to such a situation.

alryt... im back to feeling the way i used to feel before... as in that relationships are a waste of time and marriage is slavery. haha. proud of myself. aitez,the quiz is later and seriously no mood to study ar.. sian. tml lab report is due. left with the discussions, answers,and conclusion. nt so bad. err flirto doesnt seem so bad. boring topic.. like wth really was gonna fall aslp sia. bt aint so bad. he cld lecture well and he really wasnt tt sarcastic or looked dn on us. so yeah. maybe he isnt such a bad guy. well will reserve my comments till further. i never know. hmm. n im turning extra sensitive now.. i went err tt wasnt offensive or harsh kan twice n my colleague are like ure in maaf zahir dan batin period issit?


cant blame me wt... ppl have been complainin tt im too harsh n offensive. my colleagues say im too frank. entah la. maybe its the love or care. err yeah.abe ngantok skarang. eee bingitnyer... tak ape ape buat nak tidur aje... mcm dah tua. tapi dah dua puloh satu aje. hehe... n my mly isnt tt bad... chey bah.. hehe... i miss shahdon! cant wait thursday... tapi nak jumpak kat tekka... tempat tul kental sia. i pergi sane? so not me! err tts all. outz.

i was intending to finish up the lab report and the studying during the wkends. haha.. i ended up nt doing both... sat, woke up damn late. sat the whole afternoon talking with anusha. then watched tv... sat blew by... n on sunday, spend the day chatting with seyed after doing my chores. haha... n sunday blew by too... only managed to do a lil during the evening bt hey i started my report at least ar. so aint so bad.studyin now...



su send me the wall pic... hehe... soooo sweet.. its in orange... hehe... u dont have to tell me su, i noe deep down u love me... keke... tak malu sia. haha... n im happy ebi won... hehe... he is soooo mega cute... bt too bad he is younger than me. hmm new lecture with tt flirto lecturer. n i hope he lectures well n isnt mega sarcastic... im afraid his sarcarsm might gt me to retort somethng evil.. n my mum jz told me tt im sounding more n more arrogant than ever. err why issit tt evrybody says im arrogant? seriously la, i dont mean to be. i noe u guys care. bt its jz tt irritation with all the qs. n i dont mean to sound arrogant bt its unintentionally ar... haiz... sedih ar... oh well.

aitez, to all those who read this... if i have hurt u with my words or actions or wtsoever intentionally on unintentionally, directly or indirectly, im extremely sorry. plz forgive me.

today started of alryt with it turnin bad.
1) i have a lecturer who doesnt really have a student code... he whispered in2 my ear like he is my bf and even siva has nt really done that before...
2) i have a lab demonstrator whom doesnt answer my questions and has a thick chinese accent.
3)the stupid apparatus given to me jz happened to land into my crystallizin dish and caused a crack. thank god i didnt have to pay
4) su's oil bath splattered all over and created a big mess
5) practically evry1 in our laminar flow hood today was jinxed. my experiment is jz gone today
6) i ended class at 2235hrs instead of earlier and thus missed out on the tradition
7) my brother went and walked arnd the whole bazaar without me n is now slping.. i dont blame him since he is workin. bt this SUCKS
8) this year is the only year i have not went and walked arnd the bazaar and now im too shagged to walk arnd in tt crowd.

gone are traditions. haha. looks like im a fool.

neways gt this quiz frm colorquiz.com... these are my results.

Your Friend's Existing Situation
Dissatisfied. The need to escape continued involvement with her present circumstances makes it imperative for her to find some solution.


Your Friend's Stress Sources
Feels in an invidious position: that trust, affection, and understanding are being withheld and that she is being treated with a humiliating lack of consideration. Considers she is being denied the appreciation essential to her self-esteem and that there is nothing she can do about it. Disheartened by the lone struggle against difficulties with no encouragement. Feels she is getting nowhere; that, instead of the admiration she needs, she is consistently misunderstood. Wants to escape from the situation but cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.


Your Friend's Restrained Characteristics
Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life.



Your Friend's Desired Objective
Strives for a life rich in activity and experience, and for a close bond offering sexual and emotional fulfillment.


Your Friend's Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or her reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting her own way. Faulty self-control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger.


Your Friend's Actual Problem #2
Wants to act freely and uninhibitedly, but is restrained by her need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.


your friends means me... hmm.. maybe i do feel this way... dunno.

im fuckin losin it... my fav uncle called me... i answered and was talking to him and i realized this... he sounds like siva or rather siva sounds like him! god! help me plz... im losin it... this is bad.... this is very bad.... omg... im too freaked... i was almost gonna drop my fone and it was nearly at my tongue's tip. haiz... thank god, i didnt... haiz. bad sia. n i miss workin @ ritz... haiz... i miss meetin ppl.. n i miss knowin ppl. i envy shankaran for workin there. n i pity him gettin all those early taxi times. hehe... b4 i used to always gt it later coz of siva. haha... the perks i used to gt was endless coz of him. haiz... i miss him... n if ur uncle can sound like ur ex... yeah u gt it bad!

err am i pmsin i wonder... i feel like shit today... haiz... argh! leave me alone! didnt slp last night... didnt eat nethng the whole day till the mcspicy frm mac.... n yeah tts all... today is the same too... wth... the way im goin, im gonna kill myself... n i have heard man eater twice today itself... wtf... suddenly i hate tt song... haha... oh yeah its confirmed im pmsin though my period was like jz 2 wks ago i thnk... trust me, im losin track of time n dates... haha... infact if my mum didnt ask me whether im takin the day off for my bday, i wld have forgotten abt it too.... sian.. i dont wanna be doin this sia... wtf happened to the old me? the happy go lucky me whom always was fresh n alert though i didnt eat nor slp the prev day... yeah im growin old i guess.... n im coughin like an old hag... haha... need to getaway frm singapore.... fall in love with another guy... gosh... tt sounds sick comin frm me... its confirmed im losin it... n it doesnt help tt im usually crazy... keke... or perhaps i jz need to spend more time with equally crazy ppl...i have too many serious ppl arnd me... tts why its gettin to me! where are my playmates when i need them?

err was blog hoppin... went to feez's... somethng very interestin... jz gonna copy n paste.

Found This In My Email Inbox.
Why Wedding Ring Should Be Put On The Fourth Finger?

(Pls follow the below step, really god make this a miracle)

(Firstly, show your palm, centre finger bend and put together back to back).

(Secondly, the rest 4 fingers tips to tips).

(Game begins, follow the below arrangement, 5 finger but only 1 pair can split).

so this is how ur fingers shld be placed!

(Try to open your thumb, the thumb represent parents, it can be open cause all human does go thru sick and dead. Which is our parents will leave us one day).

(Pls close up your thumb, then open your second finger, the finger represent brothers and sisters, they do have their own family which is too they will leave us too).

(Now close up your second finger, open up your little finger, this represent your children. Sooner or later they too will leave us for they got they own living to live)

(Nevertheless, close up your little finger, try to open your ring finger , you will be surprised to find that it cannot be open at all. Because it represent husband and wife, this whole life you will be attach to each other).

(Real love will stick together ever and forever)
(Thumb represent parents)
(Second finger represent brothers & sisters)
(Centre finger represent own self)
(Fourth finger represent your partner)
(Last finger represent your children)

and a very observant shahdon realized the the middle finger placed back against back along with the fingers restin on the tips, if u look closely, will form a heart which inevitable translates to love... thus with love, u cant move ur ring finger... bt if love cease to exist, tts when the 'finger' moves apart.

haha... okie i miss my awak! im gonna miss him when he goes to brunei... infact i thnk yeah best we meet up alone... im sure the bond we shared is still there... i hope so... *cross fingers* aitez outz

err okie... i so love eminem... haha... fnt been hearin his songs for ages... n i realize i miss it... aitez... err okie dan and young arent as stupid and funny as the muttons bt hey they talk pretty matured topics.... okie this wk's is a guy in a relationship for the past 4 yrs and sum1 new comes in and he feels he is falling head over heels in love.... hmm i dunno what was the final thng coz my fone had to die on me... bt b4 they ended the poll, half way thru the stats was leanin on a 69% nt to end it and only 31% to end it... hmm for me ryt,

i will choose not to end it in the beginning too... coz i guess he is just bored... i mean 4 yrs is a pretty long...sometimes monotonous gets to u and yeah when some1 new comes in ur life, u feel attracted to them bt it will fade off soon... and another thng to consider is 4 yrs for a relationship is pretty long... its nt easy goin thru a yr itself... 4 yrs? tt means they really gel well... why ruin it? i will end it though if without ne1 in the pic, the feelings just fade bt tt is after i try my best to salvage it... so yeah... i guess some spice is needed.. doing some new things... pushin tt new person out of the life for awhile...


n isnt that all relationships? beginning we just cant stay away frm one another... after some time, their idiosyncracies get to us and then we gt bored with 1 another... all it needs is adding in more spice... new things to do together... haha... err this is wt i feel... others might beg to differ... bt this is wt i will do in mine... coz knowin myself... i will gt bored easily... so far the only person who has yt to bore me is siva,shahdon,seyed,din and a few others la... well siva shld be out of the list since we arent on talkin terms nemore...bt stating for the record. i wanna go for a spa retreat... go to bali... a nice massage... beach... haiz... sooo nice! n i dont have ne sch hols till nxt aug... diaoz...

m gettin hooked to his manga series ouran high dunno wt la..haha... i wanna go aussie land... i need to go threadin to gt my eyebrows done again. i need to gt a new pair of jeans and a top with some nice stilletoes... hmm need to get more covered shoes for sch too. err a new black bag. hehe. hmm yeap... life is goin on smoothly... *touchwood* evrythng will be great. alryt... outz... im happy... in bliss...=)

heard that siva is with shalini ryt now... truthfully, i am very happy. coz they both are very compatible. always felt that way. it is for the best. afterall, aint it better to be with the fren who is there with u when u cried than to be with the person who hurt u... so yeap. well i dont hate him.. coz he didnt hurt me... i hurt him... so yeah im sure he will hate me forever... bt he has taught me alot of things... alot... and for that, im very thankful and i wont 4gt the special bond we shared for 6 mths.... for him, i rather he 4gts that i existed in his life... hatred wastes alot of energy. bt i wont 4gt wt he means to me and wt he has taught me... n yeah i will change. its jz too bad we cldnt end this amicably (the spelling?) . and yeah i miss him.. tons...aitez...


i thnk im comin dn with somethng severe... bronchitis or some lung infection... i know it isnt an asthma attack... bt having a dry cough... my throat hurts... and this pain is like when phlegm is starting to build up... breathing is kinda labored... plus im extra pale and tired... seriously i feel damn fatigued.... i feel damn weak... my appetite is damn fuckin bad... i cant eat... n im damn exhausted that no matter how long or early i go to bed, i still wake up feeling damn tired... nt energized... suhaila claims we are growin old... i say, its too spooky... to su, seriously thank u for being there with me... i seriously love you for tt... thanks for tolerating my tactlessness, my directness and my harshness and thanks for being so understanding. i sincerely appreciate it...


and this goes to siva too... thank you for everythng... for helpin me get over seyed, for encouraging me and for being a friend when i felt sooo lonely and for lovin me... for teaching me, its alryt to cry... and that i can trust some1 in my life. for bringing out the best in me... haha... and im really very sorry for the way i treated u... sincerely i am... haha... this is a case of u dont miss the water till the well runs dry. its too late to regret... bt im glad u were the 1st guy i was with. for me, ure the best and will always be the best. bt nt meant for me. i still love u... its all still there.. bt i noe this is for the best.. im jz gonna end up hurtin u over n over again... and ure gonna tolerate it coz u love me... this shldnt be the way... it shld never be the way. oh well.. i noe shalini will give u the hope and inspiration and love. she will. i have trust on her. haha... aitez outz.

6 hrs of lab is freakin tiring la.... didnt have lunch too... ended arnd 6.30+ and i didnt have time to complete the last part...so i have an impure compound over there... and we have pre labs for all the lab to discuss the mechanism... haiz... i hate pre-labs... wth... now i have two pre labs to work on... haha... n all the lab demonstrator and the lecturer in charge are frm nus... hmm... nt so bad... bt its damn tiring... my parents are plannin on gettin uncle to come dn nxt wk as shankaran has work and i have lab on friday nyt... n if he comes dn, haha... sit up nyt liao.. since he is arnd... haha... tell the parents we are goin jln jln den make him walk arnd with me.. haha... yeay! so nxt wkend, might have him arnd... n i cant wait... other than tt, i will love to have a massage now... my shoulders are all so strained... ouch! n my mother has 2 guys lined up for me... was tellin me earlier... n i tuned it out... bt damn curious to noe wt type of nonsensical guy she thnks will be compatible with me.... hmm... see how... it will be bad to those guys if i can only think abt siva when im with them... so time... hmm other than tt, nth... gotta start studyin... outz

alryt... 1st wk of october is comin to an end and left with another 3 odd wks or so... then nov n then my fav mth, dec... aitez, this past 1 wk is too freaky, practically evryday im bumpin in2 sum1 i noe.... yest saw tt biotech snr who was in chem 1104 with us in psb.... err i thnk some1 else bt i cant remember whom... hmm today bumped in2 farhan and nadia engine. wed was hally... err d other 2 days, cant remember... aitez goin on, might be goin to kl nxt wk to hang out with uncle durin hari raya... there is def somethng btw bani and tt siva guy.... too fishy oreadi coz she is gettin too paranoid... n apparently there was somethng in d rap too which i didnt catch thus knowin guys, its either he is interested in her or there is already an on-goin relationship... sooo... hmm... hehe... i love this... need to find contacts in nus to dig this out... she has aroused my curiousity...hehe...


i thnk its more of a 1 sided interest.... with him interested in her.... hmm... err oh n my brother gt the job in ritz... glad to noe tt im still a valuably respected member in ritz for @ least 1 dept... err tml is the killer 6 hrs lab... cant wait for hari raya... its either visitin or kl.... hmm... cant choose.... haiz... aitez out of this place... 12 to 6 stuck in sch... on a sat... sianz... n so bloody early la... wtf... cant even slp in... there goes my sat...

haha... im regrettin my foolish game yest... well siva told me to move on.... i dont want to accept it but i dont have a choice... haha... im never gonna 4gt the foolishness of mine yest... it really wasnt ego nor playin hard to get bt more of a cheeky game of mine... i mean he kept on tellin tt he noes what i want... n yet when i told him the feelings are fadin, he can believe it.. haiz... tt 1 is called knowin wt i want issit? yes im fickle minded n indecisive when it comes to him but i will def noe when i dont love him nemore n its nt now... infact im fallin even more deeper as the time has went by... i love him more than i did in the beginning.haiz... sucks la.... sometimes i guess my games are too wrng to play... haiz...


on a sad note, my fav paternal uncle and his wife have separated and waitin for court procedures to finalise the separation... 10 yrs of marriage... a love marriage furthermore... gone coz of a stupid argument... i guess gemini and leos really do argue over stupid things with the leo startin off... haha... haiz... it was the same in siva's and my case.... and on a happier note, he has decided to come down to singapore! okie... im seriously happy when i heard tt.... coz hehe, def he will support us... keke... so cant wait.... the fact that its really over btw siva n me is a lil hard to believe bt i guess i have to accept it soon... well cant wait for my uncle to come dn... really miss him... fnt seen him since last yr... he didnt even come down for my bday... i hope my uncle comin dn will help this blow ease a lil easier... coz he is the only uncle i will tell evry single thng to. haiz... outz..

gt it frm this website....http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com

You are Red Koala who is cheerful and happy person.
You are friendly to every one, but at the same time, you are a person who doesn't want to lose, and are strong person.
You also have a very emotional side, and can not turn down favors.
You act like a big sister to every body.
You are a type of person who takes things too seriously.
You can get heated up on something, yet can quickly lose interest.
You are very sensitive to trends, but have a tendency not being able to use that advantage.

You are very passionate and emotional person.
You have lots of likes and dislikes.
You tend to act on emotional spur than by reason, and can be very nervous.
You also worry great deal, and therefore sometimes end up not being able to exhibit your talent.

You have natural instinct, and are good negotiator.
You will say things in straight forward manner, and although you tend to be a rational person, people often misunderstand you as being selfish.
This is because your ideas cover too wide aspect, and do not know where to stop.

To use this unique talent, you should find someone who is wise enough to understand and realize you.

He will lead you and draw out your talent to its greatest.
You should always try to train mentally and physically.
If you can make use of your personal interest, you may find a side of yourself, you didn't realize before.
After marriage, you will keep the house secure for your husband, and at the same time keep your own career.


interestin innit? some part of it is true i guess... esp the character part... yeap, i hate to lose.. and yeah i gt heated up fast n lose interest fast too... the big sister part... err true i guess... i tend to nag at the ppl i care abt... n yeah i always look out for my fren... n yeah i dunno how to say no to some1 who asks for a favor... usually will end up doin it... so i am complicated... haha

What Actually Love Is

Why do we close our eyes

when we sleep?

When we cry?

When we imagine?

When we kiss?

This is because the most beautiful things in

the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird

and when we find someone whose weirdness

is compatible with ours,

we join up with them and fall in

mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,

people we never want to leave behind,

but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,

it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry,

those who hurt,

those who have searched

and those who have tried.

For only they can appreciate the importance of the people

who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears

and still you care for him,

it's when he ignores you and

still you long for him.

It's when he begins to love another

and yet you still smile

and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails,

set yourself free,

let your heart spread its wings and fly again.

Remember you may find love and lose it,

but when love dies,

you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win

but those who stand back up when they fall.
Somehow along the course of life,

you learn about yourself and realize

there should never be regrets,

only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,

waits forever when you say, just a minute,

stays when you say leave me alone,

opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,

not how you listen but how you understand,

not what you see but how you feel,

and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.

Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win

but when love is true,

even if you lose,

you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone

more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone

not because that person has stopped loving us

but because we have found out

that they'd be happier if we let go.
It's best to wait for the one you want

than settle for one that's available.

Best to wait for the one you love than one

who is around.

Best to wait for the right one

because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one

who hurts you the most,

and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms

and cries when you cry

turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.
If you really love someone never let go,

don't believe that letting go means that you love best,

instead fight for your love,

that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content;

you cannot go

through life without it.

oct 1... 2 mths since it ended and 2 more mths to the end of the yr too... n i turn 22 nxt yr... *gasps* today oso is back to school.... start of sem 2.... with dr chia just like how sem 1 begun. err newae was chattin with din yest evening abt songs and then yeah we both agree tt hey there delilah is a sweet song... haha.. err well look @ d lyrics...


Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice
it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to

Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me


talk abt love and the promise of it...