i should really be studying now.bt seriously i dont feel like studying. maths that is. its like dragging a sportsman to a play... this doesnt include ppl like timothy tan or magesh whom enjoys both side of the world. these men as i claim are the cultured,refined gentlemen. ppl whom i shld be interested in as per shahdon. to fit the so called cultured side of me. jz coz i enjoy the performing art and just coz i use words that are of a higher standard than the others doesnt make me cultured. i swear profusely. that is definitely not cultured... coz afterall, a lady aint supposed to swear right? that's a very narrow minded and sexist ideology i believe.


i miss the performing arts. as in being part of a production. the euphoria on d-day. and on final clap... nth beats it... okie... maybe the euphoria of being in love might. which is kinda played down when u get into this big bombastic argument which just seems so stupid to have occured in the 1st place. and all the anger and sadness u feel. bt yes the euphoria of being in love. i kinda do miss it. its a feeling that i have not been able to replicate. its like a wham of mega happiness slammed onto you. i guess love is love and hanging out with close buddies is plain lepakin as i lovingly call it. which is what my brother is gonna do in bintan. the lucky fella. whom apparently thinks i shld have went onto a jc instead of a poly. truthfully, i wont give up my experiences for nethng. it has made me wt i am now. i believe i have went thru the experiences of maturing.

i noe its too early to make new yr resolutions. bt the resolution that i have made is to drop that ego of mine when showing emotions associated with love and care and concern. i have a hard time voicing out my concern for ppl i love coz apparently some sort of weird thinking in me deems such projection of emotions as a weakness or dependency on them. will i be devastated if nethng happens to them? yes i will be... truly, i will plunge into a form of depression. its this so called emotions that i wanna block out. tt i will be alright without them. which apparently i am not gonna be. if nethng happens to my parents, i thnk it wont be that severe.


bt when it comes to ppl like usha or my brother... yes, i will bawl for days... i grew up with them... i love them more than nethng in this world. i dont feel this way for nebody else except for these two.. nt even my own sis. usha is the sister of mine who means tons to me. shankaran is the irritating brother whom i hated when i was young bt grew to love over the yrs. his so called funny ways of protecting me. he thinks i dunno bt i noe he has done his fair share of telling those unwanted admirers of mine to stay away frm me. haha. cute yt sweet. well as i always say, im blessed with a great family and great friends. thank you all for everything. and if i have hurt you in any way which i am damn sure i have with my bluntness, i am sincerely sorry. now if i can figure out putting dn my pride and ego to apologize to my parents for the mental stress and torture i gave them this yr, it will be a perfect end to this yr. n im awaiting for that end. which i am damn sure i can do. cheerz.