i decided to stay! too much to forsake by goin for 4 days. its a hard choice to make. but no regrets. i can enjoy myself once i get my degree. its the wkend once again. n its damn fast! time is running fast. chem 3312 is coming to an end. goin onto immunology. oh man. looks like june 11 wont be the date as i failed calculus, yet again. its a bummer. n i will be graduatin in sept as supposed to do so. haiz. i wanted to get done with it asap. i cant carry on doing this. things at home is shaky. haiz. it sucks being the eldest. oh well.

there ought to be somewhere i can lodge a complain against my parents. they have been talkin about getting myself attached, much to often to my liking. i didnt know being single is bad. its gd for me. sigh. i dont want la. its boring.


i wanna dance... hmm

i just got told off to be more patient in teachin my sister. wth. how do i teach some1 to do a comprehension without readin the story?! does it make sense? yes i am bad tempered.yes im impatient. bt please la, once upon a time, i studied too.. i didnt have a sister to ask qs. i had to find things on my own. so wtf? am i wrong to want the independence in my sister? i am tryin to cut it dn. u cant blame me for bein ms independent. i thnk neyo wrote the song for me. heh

in other aspects, i stare at the increasin lab reports n groan in despair. gosh, so much work to do. another groan for a paper to read n prepare a presentation on. time is runnin out. i dont wanna bring work for the hols bt it seems inevitable. bt i will never do nethng there. heh. doesnt make sense to lug a laptop n charger n notes n wtsnot when im nt gonna do it kan. oh well, cheerz to late nites and eyebags and coffee... =)

I never expect to be understood. coz i cant understand what i want myself. i change as the days goes. my habits have changed. I have changed.

Did i do a foolish thing by msgin him i wonder? bt well i dont see anything wrong in doin so... 2 yrs ago, i decided i didnt want nethng to do with him. bt now a shred of regret is perhaps a friendship could have been salvaged amidst the wreck?

it will be disastrous at that stage coz of the feelings still present. nevertheless, i still wish we can be friends. coz ultimately, i enjoyed the friendship. the relationship was never to meant to be. i guess the saying ppl come n go leaving footprints behind is damn applicable in this situation. how i wish its comes and never go. bt tt never happens. I have lost many a friendship bt the 1 i wish i never lost is his.

i never ever thought i will feel this way. but i do. and i know he doesnt feel the way. sadly, i feel that i know him kinda well. up till now. which is interesting and spooky. coz i anticipated this and yet i went ahead wid d msg. my ego seems to have abandoned me, albeit a lil too late.

oh well. random writings. from a random me. nobody expected this, nt even me.

well school has restarted. yr 3 chem is honestly a pain in the arse. i felt so lost the 1st lab session. honestly didnt noe watta do. n i have 8 more modules to get my bachelor's cert and a happy news i heard was honors is goin to be offered in sg. so hopefully they do have somethng related to my area of interest, clinical trials. or pharmacology. the bio side. i hate organic chem. i rather do inorganic. other than tt, work is ok.. sch seems ok for now. n im doin great.. =)

i changed my fb status out of boredom... hisyam n i arent really in a relationship... its jz outta fun... bt i thnk i went a lil too far.. maybe some1 is hurt by it and im feeling guilty... all i noe is i cant be in another relationship... i cannot survive thru another 1... it still hurts at times... its been 2 yrs.. bt it hurts... it will always hurt... i dont believe in love or relationships... once upon a time, i did.. now, no more.... im jz goin wid d flow... if im meant to be with sum1, i will.. if nt, i have a career to work on... lotsa thngs i wanna study.... tts how i live now... will live... im emoin today.. badly.... haiz.

this is all for gd i hope... i feel like screamin at my dad n my sister... such self centeredness... such silliness.. this is the bloody time to put away all of tt... i wonder how are we gonna cope, how am i gonna cope? looks like i might have to quit my job... unless i get rich and can afford to have a maid. or strike a lottery. god, why did u have to do this? haiz... im so dejected. im goin crazy... i want this to be a nightmare... wake up n see evrythng is fine... mum nt havin cancer.. why god? why?