well its been 9 days since 2009 started. alot of things occured during the last mth. the brother is officially a ns man... *wipe tears* im old!!! well i have alot of thoughts... bt dont wish to type it out here. all i noe is that how i wish ppl will stop reminding me of some stuffs. very old, silly stuffs. time to put all those old stuffs that came back into a gunny sack and cast it out. soon...

i have painted my nails red. it reminds me of a bitch. bt hell who cares? another 5/4 days to the end of the year. im turning 23 next yr. wth. i feel old. i was just talking to 16 yr olds dis afternoon and gosh, i really wonder was i this naive back then? that everything in life is this smooth. haha... the world is gonna swallow them with a gargantous swallow.. before u noe it, ure sinking. hah. and what was very complimenting is that they can think im 18 or 19. wow, i feel honored. do i really look that young i wonder?

perhaps i painted my nails to remind myself that i dont need these feelings now. the last i need is a major attraction to anybody. unfortunately the heart is attracted. crap. i thought i was immune to this. honestly i feel like a secondary sch kid. pining to see her crush. happy when i see him. glad when he stops by and talks. n when he calls me siv, i feel like there is somethng clandestine goin on. the smiles, the winks. haha... holy god. n i tt im 22, all matured... gosh, this is how it was when i was a teenager! haha... so buzz off feelings... i dont need to get hurt again. i dont need to feel confused again. so perhaps its gd he didnt add me on msn. dont need to fall deeper.

i feel that i have grown up too fast. this past 1 yr, i feel that i have matured tons that it scares me. its too fast. i know the main reason i might have matured will be due to the decision to remain separated but yet i wonder if such an adverse decision was not made in the 1st place, would i have matured?


i see myself in the mirror and dont see whom i used to see in poly or secondary school. what happened to that kid? i know its a phase of no turning back. bt i wish i could go back to it just for a day. just a day to sit dn n lepak at a canteen with nothing more in mind than the up-coming tutorial or a test, a day where i feel such love for a guy, emotions i didnt noe existed within me, a day where i was jz crazy n loud n tomboyish n enjoyed my heavy metal.

my taste has evolved so much that metal no longer appeals to me. i still do like my blink 182 n all.. bt current bands n songs jz sound like tons of noise. current hip hop songs sounds trash. im listening to tons of 90s n early 2000s songs n tons of memories flood past. all i can do is smile, chuckle at certain songs n jz wonder when did i grow up? how come it happened without me knowing abt it.

i have grown to be more fussier and more stubborn. more confident that singlehood is the path i want. once upon a time, though the mouth said i dont wanna get married, deep dn, like evry other girl, i had my own fairytales... all planned out. as i grow older, i have learnt to be more realistic. now how i wish i was still that imaginative. that will help me save my arse tons. oh well, now i shall return back to this realistic life i have carved out for myself.

ola... its december... heh. well my brother went to vietnam with my atm card n my billabong belt. i blew my top in the morning. like hello, i wanna go out! how can i go out with no money? i dont wanna ask my parents for money coz def they will question why am i spending so much? i hate being questioned.

i am very fussy coz i only use 1 thing till it dies. coz its hard for me to like anything n get it. so yeah. likewise for the w980i fone, thought i saw that the thng looks like it can snap. my heart still wants it. see? so hard for me to get over things... i have looked at tons of se fones. none i like! nth new. haiz.


i wanna get specs, lenses, the fone, a new watch n do something to my hair. im sian of it. nt tt i dont have the money. i can spend it bt to not feel the pinch, i have to space it out and prioritize. i need the specs or lenses coz im out of lenses and my specs degree is lower than mine and i think the specs is more essential coz coz, i thnk my eyes are dying on me. its gets dry damn fast. thnkin of wearing specs for a mth before i go back to lenses. fone n watch aint so impt. both of my current 1 aint dying... yt... n the hair.. well nth will happen if it aint done immediately... oh well i shall end this post.......... NOW

it took a jab to decrease the pain. i still dont feel that perfect. the back feels damn strained. very tight. there are times where pain does shoot up. newae my cousin thivaa is over. seein her n my sis, i feel so old. god, where did all those days run by? where i had no worries... laughed my head off, food on the table. played arnd. ran arnd. now tons of thngs to worry abt. ways, fly trip to kl i heard. big gang headin up. hopefully we get the hotel. brother is goin to vietnam nxt wk. god, my brother is gonna become a man. dec is coming. end of yr is coming. another yr older. hell, this yr jz flew by. bt i enjoyed it. hopefully evry yr is like this...

the back's being a bitch. its jz so fucked up. n be geared for a post chokeful of vulgarities. the pain is killing me... rubbing on painkiller to it doesnt help. n unfortunately im nt some1 who reaches for the pills. an irony. oh well. its my major irritation when ppl arnd me start askin me why i dont have a bf at this age. like hello, im nt the least worried. i shld be. my clock is ticking. im gettin older. my fertile ages are goin past me faster than a bullet train. bt honestly i dont give a damn. loneliness gives me a happiness. it suits the self centered me. coz i dont have ne1's other than my feelings to consider. i suck at tt. dunno where n when to draw the line.

other than tt, sch has started. calculus always sucks bt the lecturer is gd this time arnd. fly trip in dec. whee! cant wait. need moolah. like badly. haiz.

its been ages since i posted nethng here. okie, wt has happened?

1. i have tendered my resignation @ GE.
2. Got my contract extended @ MOM
3. am now finding for a full time job
4. Had fun @ fairypoint chalet 6. Its monstrous. but terribly haunted. It has an attached beach to it. didn get the chance to head to the water coz from far, it seems extensively polluted.
5. i didnt get chosen by sia due to the scars on my leg. its okie. i liked the idea of walkin in the kebaya though. heh. shld have taken a foto. oh man. bt its okie.
6. had my fav uncle over for diwali.
7. plannin on a kl trip
8. my brother has to report for bmt on 9th jan 09, a mth before his 20th bday.
9. my sis's done wid psle n is waiting for her results
10. sch's re-openin on 17th nov
11. n the dreaded upgrading of the hse is here. n its a case of u dont miss the water till the well runs dry! coz sincerely i miss havin hot water, 2 taps wid running water. too blessed to be in sg man.
12. been havin weirdos callin n smsin me. all insane.